The 3 most urgent questions we have after watching Oprah attempt to make her own bed.

Just when we thought this week couldn’t get any weirder, The Oprah Winfrey went and tried to make her own bed.

Sweetie what are you doing just get Stedman to do it we’re sure he’d be happy to help. 

It was distressing for all of us, but mostly Oprah.

Worth more than $2.6 billion, Oprah is surely one of the handfuls of people in the world who shouldn’t have to make her own bed because she’s busy running her three charities and television network and accepting Presidential medals etc. etc.

But this global pandemic situation has meant many different things to many different people. For Oprah, it’s meant embarking on the traumatic experience of trying to fit a doona perfectly inside its cover and we can’t even put into words how deeply flawed her technique is. WHY AREN’T YOU GRABBING THE CORNERS AND DOING A FLAP. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE FLAP.

 

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Anyone else find it challenging getting a duvet inside a cover? There must be a method I’m missing ???? #changinglinens

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on Apr 30, 2020 at 10:14am PDT

It’s clear that tonight, Oprah will be dealing with a lumpy doona situation, and will either be a) too warm or b) too cold, depending on what side of the bed she rolls to. And she deserves so much more than that.

While we have hundreds, nay, thousands of question regarding Oprah’s attempt to make her bed, here are our three most urgent.

1. Where the f*ck is Stedman?

OK.

So Oprah and Stedman have been together for more than 30 years and YET where is he when she needs him most?

It’s not like he could be at the gym. Or getting a massage. Literally everything is closed.

Oh. So it turns out putting on a doona cover isn’t the only thing Oprah doesn’t know how to do. Post continues after video. 

For those who haven’t had a lot of practice, fitting a doona inside its cover is a two-person job.

FURTHERMORE, it is my belief that the taller one is, the easier it is to do the flappy thing where the doona settles properly inside its new cover. You need some serious arm span.

During my research, I stumbled across the fact that Stedman Goddamn Graham is SIX FOOT FIVE.

FLAP THE DOONA, STEDMAN. FLUTTER IT. WAVE IT IN THE WIND.

 

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We’re doing dinner early so we can watch the ONE World concert with @LadyGaga & @glblctzn at 8 PM EST across all the major networks. I think wine and music makes meal prep so much better. You agree? #TogetherAtHome

A post shared by Oprah (@oprah) on Apr 18, 2020 at 4:25pm PDT

2. Where is Gayle?

Admit it. You wondered.

Gayle is Oprah’s best friend of 44 years. And whenever Oprah is bored she gets Gayle on her show/podcast/television channel and tells her how much she values her friendship.

It’s upsetting that at a time of unprecedented struggle, Gayle was nowhere to be seen. Oprah is clearly flustered. Gayle would give her the pep talk she needed about “believing in yourself” and “using the negativity to fuel transformation”.

Knowing Gayle as well as we do, she was probably adhering to strict social distancing guidelines which mean she can’t visit Oprah whenever she likes. But they definitely could have Zoomed.

3. Nah, legit. What’s the best way to put your doona cover on?

Well.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned from Oprah’s 18.5 million followers, it’s that they know the most efficient way to make the bed.

The most popular comment comes from a man named Tony who says, “I take two corners put them on the inside of the duvet cover grab those corners and then I stand on the bed and I let it fall over the duvet.” That’s what I do too, Tony.

Listen to Mamamia’s daily pop culture podcast, The Spill. Post continues below. 

One woman named Darlene suggests safety pinning the corners of the duvet to the insider corners of the cover.

Rita Wilson, actor and wife of Tom Hanks, says, “It takes two” and OMG that’s what I said.

Another popular comment insists on trying “the roll”, and links to this YouTube video.

That looks like a higher degree of difficulty than I’m personally willing to try, but you do you.

In conclusion, anything is better than Oprah’s technique of literally shoving the blanket inside the cover and hoping for the best.

May she never, ever, have to make a bed again.