I'm an eternal optimist — a true glass-half-full kinda gal — but even I can't help but feel uneasy about parenting my tween (soon-to-be teen) boys in this digital age.
While I like to think we're raising respectful kids in a home where respect is modelled daily by their parents, the realist in me can't ignore the powerful influence of the online world.
No matter how well-intentioned we may be, our kids are immersed in a digital culture that normalises anti-social behaviour, rewards inflammatory opinions and perpetuates sexism and bullying.
The national Stop it at the Start campaign gives us insight into their online world. It's an initiative that focuses on educating adults about what young people aged 10 to 17 experience online and in their day-to-day lives, with the goal of ending violence against women.
By understanding their reality, we can proactively help them recognise what they might encounter that could shape their views on gender and respect.
I spoke with Ryder Jack, Principal Facilitator at Tomorrow Man and Tomorrow Woman, who leads the Respect Starts Now workshops, to gain a clearer understanding of what our teens are in for.
"Young people are comfortable communicating online — it's their bread and butter. This can be great for kids who are marginalised or misunderstood. If they get bullied at school, finding communities online can be a really safe haven for some kids."
"But it's also problematic in that you can't read tone when you're messaging online, and you feel a lot more confident to say what you want. The consequences don't feel as awkward as being in the same room after saying something disrespectful to someone," said Ryder.
This creates a slippery slope, where disrespectful language and misogyny become normalised as teens are exposed to online "truths" that are, in reality, sensationalist ideas disguised as harmless content on social media.
It's clear we need to turn towards the issues of the online world, rather than away.
If you're only seeing family-friendly baking, celebrity gossip and age-appropriate fashion trends (just me?), then you may not be exposed to the content your teens get served on the same platforms.
As Ryder points out, algorithms are designed to pre-empt interests and serve engaging content.
"Even if you don't click 'like' on a TikTok video, the app is smart enough to tell how engaged you are just from how long you watch the video, which will impact your algorithm. This can lead young people down harmful rabbit holes."
Teenagers may encounter extreme content online, ranging from high-definition pornography to posts promoting toxic masculinity that distort their views on relationships, intimacy and gender roles.
Social media aside, in online group chats it's often the most extreme views or ideas that get shared, as teenagers try to win "kudos" for themselves through shock value.
This might mean sharing nudes without permission, deep fake porn of peers who have no idea their image is being used or bragging about sexual experiences.
Ryder was quick to point out that only a minority of kids engage in harmful sharing. Most teens aren't creating harmful content or spreading harmful materials, but they may lack confidence in challenging those who do.
It's clear that they need our guidance to stop harmful ideas and behaviours from becoming normalised.
"If your kid comes to you sharing something quite shocking, try not to react or shut them down. Keeping lines of communication open and engaging in non-judgmental conversations is critical," Ryder explained.
Ryder also suggested being curious and exploring the apps your kids are using so that you can understand their experiences. Ask them questions about their online world and show them you're interested.
They might find it "cringey" that you're trying to understand their digital world, but it's better than giving them the impression that you're completely uninterested.
The Respect Starts Now workshops are helping to break the cycle of disrespect and prevent it from escalating into violence.
Parents leave the workshops equipped with:
Awareness of online content and understanding the types of material your kids might encounter, from social media algorithms to gaming platforms.
Communication tools and tips on how to encourage kids to share openly, without fear of judgment.
Strategies to challenge stereotypes, including identifying and confronting gender biases at home to model behaviours that promote equality and respectful relationships.
Tips for handling tough conversations, including advice on discussing difficult topics like pornography, consent and the influence of harmful role models.
We can't expect our kids to make sense of this world alone, but we can help them to become the respectful people the world needs.
Sign up to one of the Respect Starts Now workshops.
Feature Image: Getty.
Register for the parenting workshop at tomorrow.com.au
Part of the Australian Government's Stop it at the Start campaign.
