Whoops: 86 percent of us have been reading the wrong horoscope our whole lives.

There’s been a wobble in the universe that’s rocking my world.

Well not really, because I’m Gemini and we thrive on ruction and adventure, but if you are a Virgo who fears imperfection or a Taurus afraid of change, then you may need to sit down.

The BBC Science department has released a revelation.

It shows that that since the ancient Greeks created the zodiac over 2000 years ago, the wobble of the earth has caused the stars to shift. This means for most of us, the constellations of our birth are a month out.  What’s more, the BBC states there is a thirteenth sign we never knew about; a serpent bearer bringing evil into the Garden of Eden that is astrological wonder.

To find out what star sign you ACTUALLY are click here.

Astrologists are disputing the BBC’s new zodiac, but it’s got me worried.  Because  according to the Science boffins, I am actually not a Gemini, but a Taurus.

I refuse to believe this. But don’t you dare call me stubborn and bull headed like the bull.

Of course I don’t believe my personality was set by the stars shining above me when I came into the world (the exact timing of which my mother can not remember). Nor do I make life decisions based on advice from an intern who drew the short straw to write the horoscope post for a magazine or website that month. I know that the world won’t end if Mercury is transiting Uranus.

Yet I do dabble.

Like many women I had my chart done in my late twenties.  Don’t judge me, I was dealing with my Saturn return – a time of great questioning and transformation.  The Astrologer said I had sensuality like Mick Jagger and a self-destructive streak like Elvis.  It was therapy without taking up the time of a psychologist who would have been better off helping someone with real problems rather than a middle class white girl who was worried she’d never find a boyfriend and have a child.  I didn’t change my life except to avoid the Rolling Stones and cut down on the hamburgers and peanut butter.

Read more: The books women read in 2014.

At other times I’ve seen a tarot card reader, a palm reader and a woman in Byron Bay who read my aura and told me I had an alien for a spirit guide.  All gave me a huge laugh, a lovely chat and a welcome ‘it’s going to be alright’ from a stranger rather than from a busy best friend.

Horoscopes are a bit like a mother’s hug, a child’s smile or a drink out with friends.  They can be comforting, adoring and fun.  They give us permission to indulge in our ego while acknowledging we are all made of cosmic stardust. Sometimes in the sheer random cruelty and sweet goodness of the universe, it is good to have a guide, even if you suspect they can’t fly the starship. My pilot is Rob Brezny for his brilliantly written, hugely hilarious, crazy wise hot shot of philosophy tailored to my birth date.

I know it is appalling that we have subverted ancient beliefs into an individualistic, ego stroking, personality summary that gives us a ready made tribe.  But the truth is, astrology enables bonding  – most of my friends are Gemini and I always get on with Libras. Astrology can also be used effectively at parties when you don’t want to talk to someone. Just start trying to guess their star sign and they’ll be off to get a drink in seconds.

Related: 25 things you didn’t know about Pretty Woman.

I’m aware that in some countries marriages and fates are decided upon the reading of the astrological charts.  I doubt this BBC missive will diminish that worrisome power.  It also won’t change how I see the stars or the signs. But hey I’m a Gemini – I can be a cynical rationalist and a hippy spiritualist all at once.  Or am I?

I better go and check my numerology...

What star sign are you? What star sign did you THINK you were? Do you buy into horoscopes?