In celebration of The Bachelorette runner-up Matty Johnson being chosen as the new Bachelor, we thought we’d lay down a few ground rules for the new season.
We want drama. We want walk-outs. We want a bachelor who doesn’t pretend the dates were his ideas and not the product of three producers and a stylist.
A set of controversial new laws have been laid down for Matty J, listen to them here:
But it’s hard to create drama. It’s not every day you cast a reality show and two of the booted contestants go on to date each other.
We decided to make it a bit easier by listing all the things we’d like the new Bachelor to say in the upcoming season.
Let’s be real for a hot second, last season’s Bachelor, Richie Strahan, was a little bit polorizing. He came across as the kind of guy you’d bring to family lunch to pretend you had your life together.
He’d pull up in a nice car, introduce himself as Richard, and compliment your mum on the hummus as though it was some great delicacy.
Lovely. Nice. Not great television. Not quite the funny Richie we fell in love with.
So, because Channel 10 refuses to give us the male equivalent of Keira, we’re now looking at another season with a sweetly polite man. Grim.