Strewth.
2019 has been an interesting time for Netflix movies.
We’ve had some absolute bangers like Always Be My Maybe, The Perfect Date and Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile.
And then we’ve had the… other kind of Netflix movies.
The ones that are so bad that they’re kind of good. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anywho, here’s our ranking of Netflix movies from bad to ‘what the heck did I just watch?’.
The Silence would have been a perfectly good movie had the entire premise of the story not already been told in the far more superior A Quiet Place.
Yes, the book The Silence is based on came out way before A Quiet Place. Yes, if anyone can be accused of plagiarism it's A Quiet Place.
SIDE NOTE: Watch the trailer for The Silence. Post continues after video.
But A Quiet Place was far more superior for precisely three reasons:
I rest my case.
Murder Mystery is a prime example that sometimes you can't just chuck Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston in a movie together and see what happens.
Because sometimes what happens is... crap.
It's like they took everything that was good about Agatha Christie mysteries and early noughties movies, meshed them together, and murdered them on a yacht before the viewers even got to enjoy some prawn cocktails with a nice little dipping sauce.
Oh, a psychological thriller starring Sam Worthington? That's sure to be a banger, right? Right?
Wrong.
I spent half of the movie scrolling through Instagram and the other half being sad for Sam Worthington.
WE ALL KNEW HOW THIS MOVIE WAS GOING TO END... WE NEVER NEEDED TO LEAVE THAT PIT.
Look, The Otherhood is a lovely movie about motherhood, letting go, getting to know yourself again etc etc.
It's also super cheesy and made me die a little bit inside.
This movie was an insult to every single New Zealander and all of their ancestors.
First of all, the leading man is... Australian.
Secondly, I'm sure the majority of New Zealanders are lovely, but are they really offering to be a stranger's business partner five minutes after they meet them or not charging them for approximately $100k of building supplies?
Yes, well.
This is possibly the worst movie I've ever watched and I a lil' bit loved it.
The basic premise of Secret Obsession is that a woman named Jennifer is attacked by a slow-moving creeper named Russell. While she's running away from Russell who refuses to move beyond a glacial pace, she gets hit by a car.
When Jennifer wakes up in the hospital with amnesia, Russell claims to be her husband and takes her home.
Slowly Jennifer begins to realise that her 'husband' is actually a weirdo stalker and (spoiler alert) she escapes, but not before a well-meaning detective named Page is murdered.
The acting is appalling, the plot makes zero sense and the viewer is left with a bunch of unanswered questions like: Why didn't the hospital ask Russell for ID? And what actually happened to Detective Page's daughter?
It's brilliantly bad and I'm properly going to re-watch it at least three times.
Feature Image: Netflix.
