EM: This kind of thing is just basic, douche bag behaviour.

I am acutely aware that I have become the patron saint of ridiculing hot new social trends and concede that my time may perhaps be better spent writing an essay on how gender equality is a myth (thank you, Beyonce).

However I feel a primal need to have a crack at the influx of massive bogans finding a way to compare penis sizes by making speed binge drinking an internet phenomenon.

The Neknomiate situation is the phenomenon I speak of, have you heard of it? No? Well let me inform and educate you.

A person (usually a young male but some ladies have been getting in on the action) films themselves necking/skulling/chugging/downing and entire bottle of beer/vodka/bourbon and then nominates a mate to do the same and so on it goes. It is online chain mail only far more dangerous than seven years of pretend bad luck like the chain mail front the 1990s.

If you’ve never seen it before, this is what it looks like:

On Facebook it says: “Neck your drink. Nominate another. Don’t break the chain, don’t be a dick. The social drinking game for social media! #Neknominate. (It’s Em again- I want to build up the final part of the description, it is my favourite bit. Are you ready?!) DRINK RESPONSIBLY.”

For realz?!

The “don’t be a dick” part is redundant because TOO LATE.

Drink responsibly? How would they imagine that looking? The whole point of this idiocy is competitive, heavy drinking -but do it in a responsible way okay, guys? Maybe pop on a helmet and some knee pads, an adult nappy may also be advised.

Perhaps they mean to pre-order the ambulance for when your internal organs begin shutting down from the acute alcohol poising you have just inflicted on them? Just make sure that when you are power chugging your Jaegermeister you do safely, kay?

One video I have watched involved a man pouring his beer into a toilet, then his mates picked him up by the legs and hung him upside down in the bowl. He then proceeded to drink the beer/poo water.

Seriously?

That is not something I would be proud of and I have been know to leave entire mobile phones in toilets due to my desire to not touch the water where all the feces and urine go. Yes I know the water gets flushed but still, you can’t guarantee me there aren’t poo particles. There totally would be.

I get the whole extreme behaviour thing, I know that the Jackass crew and Steve-O all have solid gold mansions from dangerous, adrenaline producing behaviour but at least that kind of thing is can be entertaining.

There is nothing impressive about Neknominate, although it could be argued that it is a new digital form of natural selection!

To the people doing it (which sadly involves many people I know including my cousin David. Yes, David, I am naming and shaming you. When Aunty Jo reads this you are in that much trouble). I ask you this, is this what you want to leave behind as part of your internet footprint?! Is this the type of shit you want prospective employers, universities or partners seeing when they gather information about you online?

Just stop being such complete and utter dicklords and find a new hobby because this one is just fucking stupid.

I love you, but no.

No.

All the no.

#NO.

Do you know anyone who has done a neknominate video?