By BERN MORLEY
I was 41 weeks pregnant and, like most women by this stage, I was completely OVER it. I just wanted that baby out already and yet nothing I was doing seemed to be working.
This was my third baby and previously, I had almost been like clockwork. A week before my due date my other children had made it very clear that they wanted out. This one, however, was more stubborn. A trait that would follow him into the world and further on into childhood.
Of course there was plenty of well-meaning advice from friends, ideas about how I should get things “started”. Only one of which would actually work.
Here’s the advice:
1. Sex:
Oh YEAH, just what you feel like doing right? You’re the size of a Rhino (at least I was) and let’s face it, haven’t been able to visually locate your own vagina in quite some time and therefore, certainly don’t expect your partner to take a shot at it. Yet, apparently this works. What got you into this in the first place, may very well be the same thing that gets you out of it.
2. Eat Spicy food.
Sure, who doesn’t love a bit of chicken korma? Except that what goes in surely must come out and errmm, without putting too fine a point on it, explosive diarrhea is not something you necessarily want to add to your ‘birth plan’.