'When my ex's new wife got pregnant, I received an unexpected phone call.'

This story mentions abuse.

A decade ago, I was married to a very charming man.

He was also, as it turned out, a very psychologically and physically abusive man.

I had desperately wanted to become a mum so, at age 31, when he proposed after only two months, I said yes.

This was a man who was charismatic, seemingly kind and thoughtful, educated, professionally employed, and from a (superficially) stable and happy family.

Just a month after the proposal, we were married.

Unfortunately, the following few months were the most confusing and distressing of my life. He took me from a blushing bride to a woman too scared to leave the house, dependent on him for comfort and finances.

He made me question myself constantly through overt and covert gaslighting. He would physically harm me, then lead me to believe I had done it to myself, or it was a nightmare.

Watch: How to know if you are in a toxic situation. Post continues after video.

Fortunately, I left the marriage after only three months. I had organised to see a psychologist. My then-husband attended because we both truly believed we were going to find out what was wrong with me. I told the psychologist everything – from the moment I remembered last being happy (the day we became engaged) to the current day – only months later.

As it turned out, my husband was the thing that was 'wrong'.

The psychologist didn't mince his words when he leaned over, right in front of my husband, and told me I wasn't the problem. He encouraged me to immediately ask my husband for the keys to my unit back, and to arrange for his things to be collected by someone else – for my safety. I am forever grateful for this bold and brave psychologist's actions and words.

Following this, with the support of my family, friends and medical professionals, I went no-contact almost immediately. I resisted his attempts to lure me back in, going so far as to move interstate to avoid 'accidental' meetings.

So you can imagine my shock when, seven years later, I received a voicemail from him… and a woman who I'd later learn was his new wife.

It went something like this:

"Oh hello! It's Sarah* and Adam*! We're just calling to say thank you! We received your gift, and it's just so beautiful! But we don't know who you are? Anyway, thank you! We're so thrilled!"

They were both laughing happily. I didn't recognise the number, but I couldn't mistake his voice. I was perplexed. But also, intrigued… Years of therapy had not prepared me for this.

Part of me suspected what was happening: this method is known as hoovering. It's the process whereby a former abuser tries to lure you back, 'hoovering' you up like a vacuum to receive their abuse. It could be an 'accidental' meeting in a public place, an 'accidental' call, message or email; or something even more manufactured than that…

I called the number back. The hoovering worked. Despite myself, I wanted to know what he was up to.

The woman - his new wife - answered. My heart raced as I introduced myself. I explained that I hadn't sent a gift and wasn't sure why she thought I had.

Confused, she told me that after giving birth to her first child, she'd received an enormously expensive box of baby items, with just my mobile number listed as sender information.

In that moment, I realised what my ex had done. He'd bought the gift himself, adding my sender information, so that his wife would call me to thank me for the gift, clearly to cause friction.

I assured his new wife that I wished her no ill will but had absolutely not sent the gift. Despite being shocked myself, I shakily seized the opportunity to tell her that she was being psychologically abused and told her to get help.

Then I hung up. I knew instinctively my ex had sent the gift, pretending it was from me. But why had he done this?

Firstly, I believe he was doing it to upset his wife. If she suspected I was still lingering in the background, it would put her on edge. This would be the case whether he had characterised me as crazy, or the lost love of his life. Or both. This way, he could play the part of the victim – a guy who had loved his wife so much, even though she had gone crazy and left him. He even had the perfect reason for why I would send the gift: I was so envious, after all these years, that he was finally a parent.

And then there's the second reason. I suspect the phone call was to let me know my ex was going to be a parent, and I was not.

Well, he was wrong about that – I was already a mum. I'd had my first child just a few months earlier.

But he was right about something: that the call would make me sad. Not for myself. It made me sad for his new wife and her unborn child, both of whom would be forever tied to him.

*Names have been changed for privacy.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a national organisation that helps women, children and families move on after the devastation of domestic and family violence. Their mission is to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most. If you would like to support their mission you can donate here.

Feature image: Getty.