They'll seem perfect, until you see these signs. How to spot if you're dating a narcissist.

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Your first date could only be described as perfect. He was charming, charismatic, intelligent. You feel seen, attended to. A palpable chemistry that you've never experienced before.

You begin to wonder if this is it: your person. Yet part of you knows not to get carried away too soon.

Most people who have dated a narcissist describe an ideal start. Intense feelings, with the promise of a beautiful future.

If you dig a little deeper, they also describe questioning if things are too good to be true early on. A narcissist can evoke conflicting emotions within us.

Their ability to make us feel special draws us in. When they complement us, we light up inside. Their validation touches on a deep, and often unmet, emotional need.

These feelings are often fleeting — quickly evoked and then quickly withdrawn. A difference in opinion can have you walking on eggshells.

A request or complaint is met with defensiveness and criticism. It's all about them.

Whilst we all desire a healthy amount of attention and validation, a narcissist needs it in excess.

Watch: Think your partner's too perfect to be true? Discover the subtle signs of narcissism that most people miss. Post continues below.

Their sense of self depends on it. They view themselves as more special, important, and better than others. A lack of true empathy and regard for others characterises their personality.

This lack of empathy is hard to spot, particularly in the early days of dating when everyone is on their best behaviour. Their charm masks what lies beneath.

Importantly, it's not one behaviour that makes someone a narcissist. With a true narcissist, there must be multiple behaviours present that are enduring across the lifespan and contexts.

These personality traits often impact their ability to form meaningful relationships. Here's how to spot the early signs hidden beneath the romance:

Emotional intensity without real connection.

In the early stages of dating, narcissists shower you with love. Love Bombing can include receiving endless compliments, physical affection, grand gestures, and gifts.

There's a fast-pace that oversteps your usual boundaries, including rushing to have sex.

These behaviours are problematic when coupled with a lack of emotional intimacy and connection.

With narcissism, there's a lack of true intimacy and vulnerability: few or no curious questions, minimal self-disclosures or reciprocity.

Alternatively, a narcissist may trauma-dump and overshare personal stories and hurts in order to gain sympathy.

There is often a disconnect between their sad story and emotional expression — you may find yourself wondering why you aren't moved given the nature of the disclosure.

Ruptures are repaired…only by you.

The first conflict in a new relationship is a critical milestone. An opportunity to respond with compassion and care.

To show listening, empathy, and genuine interest in your partner's experience.

In healthy relationships, this should be reciprocal. With a narcissist, there's a lack of accountability. Your feelings are minimised, apologies are insincere and superficial.

There's only one victim here. You can be met with such a strong emotional reaction that you end up feeling guilty for your part, despite doing little wrong.

Deep confusion.

You begin to feel deeply confused about how your new partner feels about you because it varies significantly.

You've never felt so adored, yet you are often blamed and can't ever get it right.

You are the constant source of their unhappiness. Gaslighting can be a feature of these relationships and occurs when your observations, thoughts, feelings and behaviours are constantly questioned — so that you doubt your own reality.

Inability to accept feedback.

Giving and receiving feedback is essential to the functioning of healthy adult relationships. A narcissist perceives themselves as better than others; they are perfect, flawless, and never at fault.

Gentle feedback is met with anger, defensiveness, and deflecting. Feedback goes one way here, and they're sending plenty your way.

You never feel good enough.

In a healthy relationship, we feel respected, admired, nurtured and supported. Your partner is your cheerleader.

With a narcissist, you fall from the pedestal you were placed on in the early stages. It is subtle at first and then intensifies.

Listen: In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Anastasia Hronis breaks down what narcissism really is. Post continues below.

Your internal sense of self-worth begins to take a hit, worn down by blame, criticism, or silent-treatment that is punishing. You may find yourself begging for connection.

You unconsciously dim your light around the narcissist and minimise your needs, because their needs always matter more.

It's easy to get caught up with a narcissist when it feels so good. So, if this is you, be compassionate with yourself.

You can learn to trust your gut and choose a healthy, supportive relationship that treats you with the care you deserve. It all starts with believing the signs.

Phoebe Rogers, author of When Will It Happen For Me? A Shame-Free Guide to Finding Love On Your Own Timeline, is a clinical psychologist, couples therapist, course creator, and author who helps women overcome unhealthy relationship patterns to have a secure, loving relationship. For more information, click here.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).