
I was often reminded of how lucky I was to have a family with two parents. My mother’s parents had divorced, and this haunted her for the rest of her life. Many of my friends were from single-parent or blended families and envied how "normal" my family seemed to be.
"You are so lucky. I would have given anything for my parents to stay together."
"I hate having to see my dad on weekends. You are lucky yours gets to live with you all the time."
"I wish my parents loved each other like your mum and dad love each other. You are so lucky."
If I was so lucky, why was I so desperately unhappy?
People only saw what we allowed them to see. And in my mother’s case, she only saw what she wanted to see. Her little family had two parents, and she swore she would never divorce my father. She convinced herself this was enough not to repeat the same mistakes her own parents made.
But history did repeat itself and it was devastating.
My parents had a very toxic relationship. Both of them came from abusive childhoods and often used this to excuse their toxic behaviours. The way they saw it, they’d had a hard life, so they didn’t care if they made other people’s lives hard too. That included their children.
Should you cut out toxic relatives? Rebecca Sparrow and Robin Bailey discuss on The Well. Post continues below.