"I think my best friend is making a huge mistake in marrying him."

A Reddit user has taken to the internet to seek advice on a very tricky situation.

Queenpersephone is the maid of honour at her best friend’s wedding. But she thinks her best friend, the bride, is making a huge mistake in marrying her fiance.

She asks, “What should I do?”

Here is her full story.

Hello ladies,

My best friend is a well educated, strong, independent woman, but I really believe she’s making choices that she will come to regret down the road. I’m left trying to decide whether or how I should talk to her about these issues. Here’s the whole story.

My friend met her fiance at a friend’s wedding after years of desperately wanting to just marry and start a family. I think the biggest redeeming quality of her fiance is that he is also on the same page in this way – he wants to marry and have kids. He also does not believe in debt (he actually doesn’t believe in banks as he fears the collapse of the banking system) so he’s purchased his first small house in cash in a very small town right next door to his sister and her family.

My best friend had a long distance relationship with him for a few years before she found a job in his hometown and moved out of her home state to move in with him. They are due to be married in January. She has liberal social values and earns a substantially larger income than anyone in his family, especially any of the women who tend to be stay-at-home mums. Her fiance makes moderately good income and works hard.

The fiance’s family has not liked my best friend from the start. My friend tries as hard as she can to fit in, but they are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. The town she’s living in is openly sexist and racist. When I went to visit, I heard off-hand remarks like, “F*cking women and their throw pillows,” as the fiance’s brother-in-law sat on the couch. My friend’s fiance spent no time visiting with me when I came and later told her that it was because, “what would he have to talk to the hens about? Nail polish and wedding plans?” To me this is unacceptable and very disrespectful.

What confuses me is how my best friend is accepting this kind of treatment. I feel she blames herself for the failures of her past relationships and that she has decided that she will make this relationship work no matter what. She is a confident, self-respecting woman, but I see that this is wearing on her. She has had several deaths in her family in the past few years including her father, so this may also be involved.

The most recent drama is that for the past two months, her future sister-in-law (and next door neighbor, and bridesmaid) is not speaking to her. She had made a comment about throwing my friend a bridal shower, but my best friend already wanted another of her friends to throw it so my friend went with her instead. Since then, the sister-in-law felt this was the "last straw" and will not speak to her. She has resolved to never speak to her again. Further, the future mother-in-law is taking the sister's side. So before the wedding has even occurred, there are intense lines drawn and bad fighting.

My friend's fiance is, to his credit, taking her side in this drama. They have also each gotten their own lawyers and gotten a proper prenuptial agreement drawn up. They have separate bank accounts. To me, though, it seems that there is no happy ending to this marriage. Knowing her and seeing her environment, I can see that she hates it there and doesn't belong there. She keeps saying "I'm just waiting until ____ happens, (we're married, we have a bigger house, we have a kid) and then everything will be better." But to me, these things are just going to make it worse.

As the maid of honour, I feel I'm offering my support to their marriage by standing up for them and signing that marriage certificate. Because of this, I feel I really should voice my concerns about him to her but I just don't know how to do it. I've never told her, "I think you're making a huge mistake", but it's true. It's not just me that feels this way - her mum agrees, my mum agrees, her close family friend fully agrees. My best friend is having a hard time keeping her bridesmaids engaged in the wedding planning process. She keeps asking me, "why isn't everyone excited for me??"

I've booked a trip to go visit her next week. I think I need to talk to her but I don't know what to say or whether it's the right thing to do to talk to her. I've tried in the past to just ask her questions that would lead her to come to the same conclusions that so many of her loved ones have, but she is so determined. I don't think my talking to her will necessarily change her mind about the whole thing, but I feel like it's unethical for me to not say anything. My only plan so far is to emphasise that I am here to support HER no matter what she decides to do, and to somehow communicate that she might be making a huge mistake.

Help!

What advice would you give?