Don't judge me, but... I'm about to make the most selfish holiday choice.

Some people might think it’s selfish but I’m thinking about booking a weekend away. Just for me.

I am a mum of two. I’m also pregnant with a third. I work from home three days per week with my children with me seven days. My husband works hard, and he works late. I don’t have any family nearby who can assist, and my children have never attended daycare. As any mum will tell you, looking after small people is full on and sometimes you just need a break. That’s why I’m thinking of booking a weekend away for myself. By myself.

Since my eldest child was born I have never spent a night away from my family. My husband on the other hand has enjoyed numerous boys weekends away; bucks trips, camping trips, general boys bonding trips. I don’t begrudge him this at all, he is entitled to some R and R. He works hard and deserves time with his friends.

My group of friends rarely do anything that involves a night away. Given that most of us are mothers to young children it’s hard to find an opportunity where all of us are able to leave the family; be it husbands unable to get time off work, commitments or simply breastfeeding lockdown. There are so many things that prevent mums from going away that it gets really hard to get everyone together to organise it. Not only that but the things my friends would like to do would blow our finances right out of the water. Sure, I’d love to do a day at the spa, go and see a show and enjoy dinner in a fancy restaurant but it’s just not possible right now. So I’m taking things into my own hands.

Before my next child is born I'm thinking of organising a trip away by myself. My husband doesn't understand it. If I wanted a weekend away (which we probably can't afford) wouldn't I want to go with him? he says. He looks at me like I'm a weirdo to even suggest that I might book a hotel room in the city for myself. Well yes, I would love a weekend away with him. But I'd love to do that as a separate thing if we had someone volunteer to mind our kids. All I really want is some peace and quiet by myself.

Some people might think it's selfish. Others may wonder what the hell I'd do. I'll tell you; I'll do exactly what I want. If I want to sleep, I'll sleep. I'll eat what I want and maybe even order room service with a trashy movie. I'll sit in a bath for hours with a book that I've wanted to read for too long and if I get bored of my own company I'll take myself for a walk around the shops or to a cafe. Basically I just want some time where someone isn't asking me for something. I won't cook a meal, I won't change a nappy, I won't focus my day around sleep times and I won't lift a finger doing housework. I won't run errands and referee arguments, I won't listen to winging and tantrums. I'll sleep the whole night through and wake up after the sun for once.

I've had this plan for a long time but recently, I've found myself feeling guilty. Should I spend money out of our budget on myself or do I deserve to have some time out as much as anyone else? Like a lot of mothers I often find myself putting my needs last when it comes to working out the family budget. As I said, my husband has been away many times since we started a family but his trips are often to friends family houses, or camping- not exactly any expensive trip away.

What do you think? Am I wrong to be considering a weekend away by myself?

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