A mum writes: 'I wore just one earring for seven months. It proved a crushing point.'

One of the first games I ever played with my children was ‘peek a boo’. However, soon after my son was born I felt like I became invisible.

One day I started wearing one earring. Now anyone that knows me would also know this isn’t something I would usually do, turns out that it took seven months for anyone to notice I was only wearing one earring. Seven months worth of social interactions, and no one ever looked me square in the face and noticed.

It sort of cemented to me that as mum of then two children under two, who was always out and about, busy with the children making noise and – well let’s be honest – just being children. As a mum who “just stayed at home” or “didn’t work”, I had just about become invisible; not just to society (who may not notice or be curious why just one earring), but to my family, to my friends and really, if I am truly honest, even to myself.

Often my phone conversations, when I managed to have them, with family and friends would ask, “How are the children? How is the husband?”, with our conversation then taking its natural flow.

Very rarely did anyone ask how I was. When I think about it now my guess would be everyone probably just figured if the people I care for are okay, then I must be.

I realised in those seven months that I didn’t want to be invisible, not in my mind and not anyone else’s. It’s hard when you have spent your whole life connecting your identity to what you do, the career you built, where you have been and where you are going. The shift to realigning yourself as you transition to motherhood can be tough. To take a love that is all consuming and not let the role consume you is difficult.

We go from being these goddesses that glow and having strangers wanting to talk to us to being mums who are negotiating at a United Nations level about why we are saying no to a third box of Smarties. There are days where we are overtired, and would perhaps have to pause to remember the last time we brushed our hair or teeth. It was during this time that I found online mothers' groups.

For me the act of getting out of the house was mammoth. There was no desire to get out there and socialise with mothers' groups and other children. I mean I had friends, a great support network of family, I had everything anyone could possibly need and more. But online groups fitted for me.

You want to see a tale as fucking old as time, just come and stand at my kitchen sink, no singing teapots or magic feather dusters, just me. Sometimes I'm a beauty sometimes I'm the beast ☕️ but chances are I'll always be at the sink #taleasoldastime #grateful #beautyandthebeast #dishes #dettol #ikea #circulon #tupperware #tummiesarefull #mumlife #fairytail #happilyeverafter #inallyoursparetime

A post shared by Anastasia Beverhausen (@anastasia_all_your_spare_time) on Mar 25, 2017 at 1:58am PDT

Sure, they wouldn’t notice that I was wearing only one earring, but they also wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t wearing pants. These groups gave me advice when I asked for it on topics that were relevant and if I didn’t like the responses I could just scroll on by. They worked for me and were there for me in my time when it suited me.

The online groups saw me becoming a Midnight Mum with groups of women up at all hours; some of us feeding, some of us folding and some of us watching Netflix without interruption. Because to find 'me', I had to work out how other mums before me turned the corner. We have to let the thread that unites us as mothers be strong enough to be the rope that catches us when we are falling.

Listen: Andrew Daddo discusses why your children shouldn't be the most important people in your life on This Glorious Mess (post continues after audio...)

So, this post is to say that if today you are feeling overwhelmed, invisible or like you don't matter, you really do.

You are so important, and are probably the cog that keeps everything running smoothly.

Keep up the good work, and if no one else says it to you this week know that you are invaluable in the work you do and your sacrifices do not go unnoticed.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, please seek help from your GP or BeyondBlue.

This post was published here with full permission from the author. To see more from Anastasia, you can follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

How has your life changed after children? Do you feel like your friends and family see you differently?