My mother-in-law has used money as a control tactic for as long as I can remember.
She's incredibly generous when you're on her good side, but almost everything she does comes with strings attached, which is why, from very early on in our marriage, my husband and I have had a firm policy of gently refusing offers of financial help.
His parents are well-off, and even though it would have been a huge leg up to take a loan from the Bank of Mum and Dad, the trade-off never seemed worth it.
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My husband's brother, however, has never had the same issue with taking his parents' money, and as a result, finds himself increasingly beholden to his mum's wishes, in particular. She has a key to his house, and on several occasions my long-suffering sister-in-law has come home to find she's let herself in to "drop something off".
No judgment, but having my MIL arriving unannounced to critique the contents of my linen cupboard is my idea of hell.
About six months ago, my MIL organised a week-long holiday in Cairns for the entire family as a 60th birthday present for herself. She generously offered to buy us flights as a gift, and while we both felt a little uncomfortable about accepting, it seemed so important to her that we agreed this time we'd take the offer.
My brother-in-law, sister-in-law and their three girls were in attendance as well, and the week went off pretty much without a hitch, except one night.
We have eight-year-old twin boys, as well as a three-year-old daughter, and after a long day at the hotel pool, our little one was fading fast at dinner time.
I decided to skip the planned dinner out at a restaurant, and offered my husband to still go along while I stayed in the room with the kids. Not wanting to leave me alone with the kids, he decided to skip this particular dinner as well.
MIL was unimpressed. Even though her official birthday dinner had been two nights prior, she was of the opinion that every meal that holiday needed to be an all-in affair. After a few tense words with my husband, she dropped it, and the rest of the trip was fairly pleasant.
Or so I thought.
Fast-forward to last month, when, scrolling through Instagram in bed one night, I noticed a series of snaps my MIL had posted of herself on a beach on the Gold Coast playing with her other grandkids - our nieces.
Not only had we not known they had a trip planned, but we'd been talking about wanting to take the boys to the theme parks up there in the next school holidays - much to her derision, as she told us the Gold Coast was 'tacky'.
Yet there she was, in all her glory on the beach, playing the role of doting grandmother.
"Last-minute getaway with my girls", she'd captioned the series of photos.
And sure. Maybe her intentions were pure. My nieces are a little older than our kids, so whisking them off on a holiday is a lot simpler than taking two rambunctious Grade Three boys.
But for a woman who loudly prides herself on making everything 'fair' between her grandkids, the malicious intent seemed clear.
When she came back with theme park souvenirs for our sons, I didn't give her the satisfaction of looking hurt - although the protective mum in me didn't miss the flicker of disappointment on the kids' faces that they hadn't been included.
Renewed in our determination to never let our boundaries slip again, the whole experience has just illuminated how much of a poisoned chalice her generosity is.
She clearly wanted to teach us a lesson, but I'm not sure that we learnt the one she was intending.
The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.
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