real life

'When my husband's towel slipped, I noticed his shaved pubic hair. I knew it wasn't for me.'

You can read part one of this author's story here.

When I met my husband Matt*, I was 43 and had two kids and he was about to turn 23. After he love-bombed me and made me feel wanted again, we married and had a baby together very quickly.

But after our daughter started school, I found out he was having an affair with another school mum my age. He promised me he'd change, and when he was offered a job overseas, it felt like was our chance at a new life…

And, yes, I am gullible.

But I also think I'm one of those people they talk about when narcissists find empaths. I wanted to think the best of him, and he knew how to get what he wanted from me.

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It was good at first, but about three months after we moved, something shifted. I knew something was different.

He was going out to lots of work functions. He was going away every weekend to work events. And I thought it was odd that wives didn't get to go to anything. (I found out, they do)

Six months into the overseas move, he declared, "I'm going to move into the spare bedroom."

When I asked why, he said, "Because you're keeping me up at night. You snore, you keep me awake, and I need to be focused."

By this stage, we weren't having sex but one day his towel slipped in the bathroom and I noticed he'd shaved his pubic hair. But why would he bother when we weren't sleeping together?

Quick as a flash, he said it was something that made him feel better about himself, and it was more comfortable.

Of course, I knew that wasn't the case.

So from then on, I was just trying to work out who it was. Just a month later, he said to me, "I want a divorce." He insisted he hadn't met anyone else, he just wanted to live the next 20 years of his life happily.

But then a woman contacted my daughter on Instagram.

"I'm your dad's girlfriend. I have been for 12 months. We love one another. We're getting married," she told her.

I replied to her, asking why she was contacting us.

She said, "Because I'm starting to mistrust what he's doing. I don't believe some of the things he's saying. I worry that he's not going to leave you for me."

And then we started talking to one another on text and his lies all came tumbling out. He told her he owned two houses and a car, which wasn't true. He owned nothing.

When we sent Matt the messages, he just denied it all, saying, "I don't know who she is. I think it's some kind of scam."

So we sent his response back to her and she went berserk. At least she got to see the true him before it went any further.

He told me much later that he'd been thinking about leaving me for three years, but didn't, because he was in and out of work.

And if he did leave, it was my house, he would have had to go live with his mum and struggle.

But once we settled overseas, he knew he had the power, because we moved for his job, and I wasn't able to work there. He knew that it was just a matter of time before he would do what he did.

We've now been separated for a year and I now see him for what he is. A narcissist.

He used to say the cruellest things to me about being ugly and useless. If you think of an insult, he has said it. And if I said something about it, he would say, "I was only joking, you can't take a joke." So you start to believe you are those things.

They wear you down, and you lose who you were.

I've since found out he has a new girlfriend now, and they are about to get married. This new woman has a daughter in the same class as our child who is now in high school.

I can only hope he treats her better than he treated me.

You can read the first part of this author's story here. My husband said the birthday card was from his mum. The message told a different story.'

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Getty

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