Inside the training routine of the fittest foodie we know

When people ask me what I do when I go to the gym, it’s a long explanation. It’s not exactly conventional, but it isn’t some underground Fight Club, either.

I do Muay Thai.

Muay Thai is kickboxing with a little more brutality. It is the national sport of Thailand and kids start learning it at the age of three. There’s not just the usual punching and kicking, but clinching, jumping, backwards moves, knees and elbows.

While I was at uni, I did the usual thing where I partied too hard, and would still have the energy to go to the gym on a raging hangover and run for an hour, swim or use a rowing machine until I failed. But then I got bored.

I didn’t have the dedication to go to the gym because the idea of going nowhere while running for an hour seemed absurd. It wasn’t just incongruous; it was a voluntary nightmare.

When my gym membership expired, I decided to trick myself into liking exercise.

I took a yoga class. I hated it. I’m far too neurotic, anxious and stubborn to be able to get through a class without being completely cynical of its physical and emotional healing properties.

I did a session of pilates and all I could think about was how all these women were trying to lengthen themselves out to look like porn stars.

I even did Body Pump. This one was the worst. It was a combination of terrible music, an overenthusiastic instructor with a microphone permanently attached to their head, and a whole lot of flailing around to look like a group of choreographed chickens with props, where occasionally, everyone in the room would scream, “Woo!”

Just, no.

Finally, I decided to try a martial art. I found a few clubs in the city that taught adults and ended up at a school that participated in frequent Fight Night events. I did a trial class in Muay Thai where I had no idea what I needed to wear, how much stretching I had to do before the class or even what equipment I needed. Someone else in the class wrapped my hands and I borrowed the gym’s gloves. Whatever nervousness I had was definitely smothered by the smell of those gloves.

It was hard. It was strength and cardio and hand-eye co-ordination all in one. At this stage, I had none of those qualities and I was a chain smoker. I haven’t smoked since that first day and I’m grateful for it. I staggered out of the first class looking like a used sock covered in bruises, but I loved it.

I started training four times a week because I had a reason to exercise other than vanity. Five years on, I train six days a week and do kettlebell and strength and conditioning classes alongside Muay Thai.

I was never one of those women who believed beauty was long, flowing hair, the right shade of lipstick, flawless skin or a thigh gap. If you talk to anyone I know, they’ll tell you I have no idea what foundation is for and I have never worn mascara for a day in my life. Muay Thai made me focus more on the way people carry themselves, the confidence they possess and the respect they show others.

I can tell you my body shape has changed dramatically since I started, although my weight has stayed the same. I have quads. Massive ones. My calves have golf balls in them, so I don’t even try to wear skinny jeans anymore. I lost a lot of fat around my body, but I also put muscle back in its place. There are certain styles of tops that I can’t wear anymore because I have lats and traps, my shoulders have bulked out and I actually have triceps. I also have more pec than boob, but that just makes training less painful. It doesn’t make me feel or look any less feminine because I feel strong.

In fact, I feel more feminine because I don’t give a shit. For the first time I am comfortable in my own skin - and not just because I am confident walking through some dodgy parts of town at sketchy hours despite being a hair taller than an Olsen twin.

I’m comfortable because the people I train with have studied health, nutrition and fitness on top of a martial art. They are sensitive to physical injuries and have helped me change the way I view food.

I am always going to love food and critique it and write about it and wash it down with too much wine or spirits, but I understand moderation. I missed the whole fad where 'carb is the enemy' and I will admit there is protein powder in my home. To me, having a consistent routine means I have a healthy lifestyle and not another fad to look forward to.

Am I going to be a fighter? No. But learning Muay Thai has humbled me, given me focus and a sense of inner peace that I never would have achieved on a treadmill.

Jess Ho is better known for her rants on food, bars and bad grammar.  She is based in Melbourne and one day hopes to be a real girl. You should follow her on Instagram. It looks delicious.