The TV and movie beauty products we wish we could buy in the real world.

In TV and movie land, anything is possible – especially when it comes to beauty. Killer lipsticks, fragrances made from “bits of real panther”, and Mintie-scented moisturisers are worn with abandon.

Snuggle up, grab the remote and start a Kickstarter account, because once you read this list, you’ll want to make these beauty products exist in real life.

Lorelai’s ‘Vicious Trollop’ lipstick shade from Gilmore Girls.

While Lorelai is applying her lipstick, her mother Emily pays her a rare compliment: “That’s a pretty colour. What’s it called?”

Lorelai replies, “Vicious Trollop,” and then shows her the label of the lipstick as proof. Oh, how I long to purchase this matte, red wine-hued lipstick and also make sassy comments!

Okay, so someone recently made a lip balm called Vicious Trollop to coincide with the ‘Gilmore Girls’ revival, but we all know that a true Trollop would never wear a wimpy, tinted balm.

Cady’s “baby prostitute” perfume from Mean Girls.

The cult status of Mean Girls is largely due to the plethora of witty, meme-able moments, thanks to writer Tina Fey.

When Cady spritzes herself with a fragrance, Janis hisses, “You smell like a baby prostitute”. I don’t know about you, but a perfume called ‘Baby Prostitute’ sounds a hell of a lot more interesting than Chanel No. 5. I imagine it would smell like cigarettes, strawberry Body Shop lip balm, cheap body spray and mouth wash.

Listen: Zoe Foster Blake's makeup advice for busy women. (Post continues after audio.)

Regina’s peppermint foot/face cream from ‘Mean Girls’.

Cady and Janis play a prank on teen bully Regina by giving her a peppermint foot cream, disguised as a face cream. Isn’t teen revenge so silly?

But the truth is, I want a Mint Slice-esque face cream, based solely on the way Regina’s boyfriend sniffs her face so amorously and says, “You smell like peppermint!”

The one time my husband smelled my face, he said, “Why does it stink?” Damn you, rosehip oil!

Ellaria’s killer lipstick from ‘Game of Thrones’.

Remember Myrcella? You know, one of Cersei and Jaime Lannister’s blonde, secret daughters? She was partying away in the kingdom of Dorne, when her dad/uncle Jaime came to pick her up on the family boat. Her evil guardian, Ellaria Sand, kisses her on the mouth to say goodbye. It was odd, but then again, the Dornes are known for being sexual.

Later, we learn that Ellaria was wearing a poisonous lipstick that caused Myrcella to die. Looks that kill! A lipstick to die for! The kiss of death! Etc.

Jenna’s Enormé fragrance from ‘30 Rock’.

Another Tina Fey creation, from one of my favourite TV shows of all time. Insufferable actress Jenna eats too much pizza, and becomes a plus-sized babe – making her more popular than she’s ever been in her entire career. She capitalises on her success by releasing a fragrance called Enormé. “Do not use if menstruating,” the spoof ad whispers.

Brian Fantana’s Sex Panther cologne from ‘Anchorman’.

“Time to musk up,” says anchorman Brian Fantana, as he elbows open a cupboard filled with colognes. Described as “quite pungent” and smelling of “pure gasoline”, Sex Panther is not a successful seduction tool, as Brian finds out.

The wonderful news is that this product actually does exist, and can be purchased from Amazon. The box even growls when you open it. Reviewer Megan says that it smells “like a clean manly man” – which is nice, but somewhat disappointing, too.

What I really want to see are the other fragrances that Ron Burgandy mentions: London Gentleman and Blackbeard’s Delight.

Tom Haverford’s Tommy Fresh fragrance from ‘Parks and Recreation’.

Council officer Tom Haverford has many entrepreneurial ideas, and one of them is his namesake fragrance: Tommy Fresh. Try as he might, he just can’t make Tommy Fresh happen…probably because it smells “f***ing terrible”, according to his co-worker Ben Wyatt.

Carla Gee is a Sydney writer, illustrator and podcaster. Find her on Instagram and Facebook.

Which fictional beauty product do you wish existed IRL?

Catch up on this week's TV news with The Binge podcast: