"How motherhood has changed me, and why I’m not apologising for it."

In all seriousness, it’s not a bad thing.

Recently, a well-meaning family member posted on my Facebook wall, “don’t lose yourself” in response to some child-related post.

She may have been joking, but it bugged me. And it gave me pause for thought. Has motherhood changed me?

After spending a week chewing on it, the answer is an overwhelming “yes”, but why does that have to be a bad thing? And why do people want us to believe that changing as a result of our children means a loss of identity?

I’d go so far as to question those who haven’t changed. Life is different now, it’s no longer about me, my man and our two full-time incomes. My number one priority is my child, which means I’m thinking in a different way now. I’m thinking that buying bubs a new Grobag is a better investment than a seven-course degustation; I’m thinking I’d rather have a rested child than spend the day sight-seeing; I’m thinking that maybe it’s time to reconsider my lifelong advocacy of apartment living.

It surprises me, this change of thinking, but I don’t think I should apologise for it. In fact, I think I might just embrace it because I like who I am, and I like how motherhood has changed me forever.

Below are six other changes I didn’t expect.

1. I talk about Napisan at brunch.

OK, I don’t only talk about Napisan, but I found myself taken aback not only by my managing to talk about stain-removal to my child-free friends for ten minutes, but my enthusiasm for the subject! I can’t help but think they may have regretted bringing it up in the first place – after all they were talking about nice new jeans, I was talking about pumpkin puree stains.

2. I can kill spiders.

It’s true, I was physically capable of squashing a spider pre-sprog. However, when confronted with a spider I would do one of two things: leave the house, or get hubby to kill it, show me the body, then dispose of the corpse outside. But, when you’re home alone with bubs and hubby isn’t home for five hours there’s little you can do. Sure, I could leave the house, but that leaves the spider free to roam around the apartment, potentially nestling itself in one of missy’s favourite soft toys. The only solution was to put aside fear, roll up my sleeves, pick up a shoe and strike. Kinda proud of that change!

3. I’m intolerant of neighbours.

Years ago I lived above a young couple with a baby and late one afternoon the mother yelled up at us to keep it down as she had a sleeping baby. I remember being indignant about it. I remember saying to my husband, “it’s apartment living, what does she expect?”. Oh my! How things have changed. Just the other night I was out my door, hands on hips, admonishing a neighbour for setting off the alarmed door for the loading bay while I tried to settle little miss.

4. I will voluntarily be the designated driver.

Breastfeeding changes everything. Add to that a baby who takes the bottle sporadically at best and sometimes it’s easier to just say, “I’ll drive”. The thing is, I don’t even feel like I’m missing out. I’d rather be alert in the morning than hungover any day of the week!

5. I will choose coffee over sex.

Apologies to any family reading this and confronting horrifying mental imagery, but it’s true. When faced with a choice between a Sunday morning romp or a piping hot latte, I have been known to choose the latte – as did hubby for that matter.

6. I’m scared of dying.

All the time. It makes me sound crazy, right? It is, in fact, one change I haven’t voiced until now. It started when I was pregnant, taking a flight and scared that something would happen and I would never get to meet my child. I thought that was it … it wasn’t. I spend a lot of time now wondering what my child would do without me.

Sometimes it’s selfish thinking (she won’t remember me), sometimes it’s more altruistic (who else would be willing to sacrifice everything to give her anything?), it’s horrifying really, but part of the crushing worry we as parents learn to carry around with us every single day … along with the food stains, slobber marks and stupid smiles on our faces.

How has motherhood changed you?

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