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Camilla* and Josh's* wedding day was almost picture-perfect.
They couldn't have planned a day that was more them. The couple, childhood sweethearts who had been together for 12 years, had found a beautiful venue and their close family and friends had travelled far and wide to celebrate their new chapter.
It was all smooth sailing — until the speeches.
Listen: A generational argument about wedding etiquette. The article continues below.
Well before the reception, the couple had asked Josh's divorced parents whether they would like to say a few words each.
Josh's mother gracefully turned down the offer of a speech and let her ex-husband take the lead.
Then the big day rolled around.
At the reception, Camilla was hunting for her new husband when a guest broke the news; Josh was "out the back" because his mum had stormed out following her ex-husband's speech.
When Camilla found her new husband he was fuming.
"Honestly, I can't even remember any of the speeches because it's a blur," Camilla told Mamamia, explaining she pieced together what happened from a furious Josh.
"He'd reached stage anger by then. He was like, 'yeah mum left apparently, because dad didn't mention her in the speech' and I was like, 'what do you mean left, like she's gone to the bathroom?'
"We got married on like a little farm, so there's nothing around.
"She had her best friend drive her out."
Camilla had always enjoyed an amicable relationship with her mother-in-law, so she, like Josh, was floored at the news.
"I was really angry. My husband was shaken up. He was upset and angry and he was really confused and hurt," she said.
"I didn't really care that she left. I was just more angry and upset that she had hurt him, and you know forever he's going to have that as part of his wedding."
Josh's mother must have made the same realisation, because her friend was able to convince her to return to the reception.
Camilla's anger wasn't for herself. It was for her husband. Image: Getty.
"She ended up coming back, right at the end," Camilla said.
"I was going round saying thank you and goodbye to everyone and then she just appeared in the circle. I was like 'oh you're here.' I just didn't want to give her any more attention over it.
"She missed her son's speech, our first dance, the cake cutting. All the fun parts of the wedding."
After Camilla and Josh returned from their honeymoon, his mother called them both separately to apologise.
"I was like, 'thank you for apologising, but you missed it. That's not happening again that day, so you have to live with that for the rest of your life,'" Camilla said.
"We have never spoken about it since after the apology."
An understandable, but painful, betrayal.
To outsiders, the reaction seemed extreme, bordering on baffling. Nine years after the big day, Camilla and Josh's friends still joke about the time his mother "just left."
"Obviously, we don't reflect on that part of the wedding, but there's a sense that it's always there," Camilla said. "Nine years on it hasn't impacted our relationship, but he definitely holds it against her.
"Our wedding, you know, it doesn't come up."
Watch: How much you should give at a wedding. Post continues after video.
The surprise walkout still leaves Camilla perplexed, as she admits it was "out-of-character" for her mother-in-law.
Now, a mother-of-two herself, Camilla believes the trigger lies in her mother-in-law and father-in-law's split.
The pair had separated when Josh was around six and, by all accounts, their post-divorce relationship had been a gold standard of amicable co-parenting.
His father had been in a new, serious relationship for about three years before the wedding.
"The reason her marriage broke up was he had an affair," Camilla explained. "But they were like the perfect image of how to co-parent together after a divorce; every decision was made together.
"I think him not mentioning her contribution to their upbringing was another betrayal.
"That's the only kind of thing I could bring it to is that it was just another betrayal and lack of recognition."
Despite the initial pain and the forever-changed memory of their wedding, it didn't destroy the family. It simply solidified a key boundary for the young couple.
"It's one day right," she said. "If she did it another day, I'd be just as annoyed. It's still hurtful, but it doesn't matter about the ceremony behind it.
"It's just a snapshot of time."
For anyone planning a wedding and worried about family dynamics, Camilla's advice is to ignore the noise and distraction; the potential for hurt feelings.
"It's not about them, so don't worry. Whatever they do, it's going to be their loss. They get on board or get out."
*Name changed to protect identity.
Feature image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes).
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