'She had me fooled.' 6 women on the moment they realised their mother-in-law was a narcissist.

Narcissism isn't always loud or obvious; it can be quiet, insidious, and disguised as "concern" or "quirks."

For years, these women navigated polite smiles, carefully timed visits, and subtle manipulations, never quite able to put their finger on what felt wrong.

And then, suddenly, the mask slipped. 

From controlling behaviour, guilt-tripping, to outright cruelty, the moment they realised their mother-in-law was a narcissist was a revelation that reshaped their family, their relationships, and even their grief.

Watch: A mother-in-law dilemma: What to do when your child's partner seems distant. Post continues after video.

Here, six women share the exact moment that made them question everything they thought they knew about their mother-in-law.

The five-word realisation.

For one woman, it took just five words to see her mother-in-law's true colours.

"I was the second wife," she told Mamamia. "My mother-in-law introduced me to her friends as 'and this is number two'.

"She thought it was funny. Me? Not so much. Our relationship never progressed to anything I would call happy."

The red flags.

A second woman noticed red flags with her mother-in-law when her husband took time off work.

"She became angry as she had also wanted to take leave from her job that week," the woman shared.

"She was upset that a grown adult living separately did not consult her on his leave dates. They do not share an employer; these things were not linked."

It wasn't until later that the woman found out her mother-in-law's motive.

"She claimed it was because she wanted him to house-sit, i.e. leave his own home unattended for the week and live at hers, 10 minutes away, because her house needed security."

Uprooting lives.

When a third woman's mother-in-law tried to convince her whole family to uproot their lives for her, she grew suspicious.

"She chose to move away from where her three adult kids grew up, met their partners, and established their own lives," the woman shared.

"She then proceeded to constantly share links to jobs which were not aligned to our career goals and real estate in said new state, aiming to sway her whole family to relocate where she is."

The woman went on to say that her mother-in-law would "guilt trip her kids and act like a victim" when family couldn't visit as often.

"I respect her choice to live where she wants to, but she shouldn't expect everyone to drop their own lives behind to follow and live in her shadow."

The secret.

Another woman was giving birth when she learnt the truth about her mother-in-law.

"She contacted my husband during our labour with our first son to ask for details as a 'mother and son secret', even though we decided we would call both of our parents once he had arrived," the woman shared.

Alarm bells.

For a fifth woman, it was the way her mother-in-law treated her son that raised alarm bells.

"When my youngest was small, just starting to talk, and in her first time meeting him, from across Australia, she repeatedly called him obese and constantly teased him about stuttering," she recalled.

Fooled for years.

A final woman's realisation came suddenly, in a time of grief.

"She had me fooled for nearly 15 years," the woman shared.

"I was with a man I deeply loved… He never really let me get close to his mother. We met a few times, we knew each other, but he never liked us spending time together."

Her partner would say things like, "Mum can be controlling" or "She has some quirks", but wouldn't elaborate.

"Whenever I did see his mother, she seemed very pleasant. Once she even dropped by unannounced at my house with soup and flowers when I was sick. I thought it was kind. He was furious, and I never understood why," she said.

Then, tragically, her partner passed away. And his mother "turned on [her] hard."

"When the family found out I was the executor of his will, his father and brothers were completely supportive. They knew our relationship and trusted me. But his mother? She showed her true colours instantly, and the onslaught of hate started in the midst of experiencing the deepest grief," the woman shared.

"She has blamed me for his mental health and his drinking, but now I see the reality: Every odd moment suddenly clicked into place: the control, the guilt, the rage he carried… I see it clearly now.

"He didn't have a drinking problem. He had a narcissistic mother problem."

Feature Image: Google Gemini (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).