'My mum had always been my best friend. Until the day I was blindsided by her betrayal.'

This post deals with coercive control and might be triggering for some readers.

As told to Ann DeGrey.

When I left Mike*, it was the first time in years I felt like I had control over my own life. We'd been together for almost a decade and for most of that time, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. He wasn't violent, but he was emotionally and financially abusive. He controlled everything; what I wore, who I spoke to, how I spent my money.

He made me feel small. Like I should be grateful just to have him. And when I started to pull away, he cheated on me. At least three times, that I know about. Then he lied about it, over and over. It took me two years to leave. Two years of therapy, planning, and building the courage to finally get out. But when I did, I felt proud. I found a small apartment, started over, and blocked him from everything. Phone, email, social media — gone.

We didn't have kids, and I was thankful. It meant I could walk away completely, without any reason to ever speak to him again. I thought that part of my life was over. I thought I was free. Then my mum told me she had something to confess.

Watch: The hidden numbers of domestic violence in Australia. Post continues after video.

She'd run into Mike at the supermarket. He told her he was having a tough time; no job, no money, nowhere to go. And so, feeling sorry for him, she invited him to stay at her house.

The same house I grew up in. The same house I went to after our final argument when I had nowhere else to go.

At first, she told me it was temporary. "Just until he gets back on his feet," she said. "You know he's got no one else."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told her he wasn't her responsibility. I reminded her of all the things he put me through. But she just said, "I don't want to take sides."

That was six months ago. He's still there. Sleeping in my old bedroom. Cooking her dinner.

Sitting on the same couch where I used to cry about how trapped I felt.

At first, I tried to be calm. I told her again what he did to me. How he slowly drained my confidence, isolated me from friends, and took control of everything. I reminded her that she had sat with me through some of those awful nights, seen how low he made me feel.

But she waved it away. "That's between the two of you," she said. "He's always been polite to me."

Polite! He once told me he couldn't stand my mother. But she thinks I'm just being dramatic.

That I'm still "emotional" about it. She's told me I should be over it by now. She says I'm being cold, mean and selfish. But I feel like I've been betrayed all over again.

Mike doesn't even try to hide his smugness when I've dropped by. Once, I came over to collect some old boxes from the garage, and he opened the door with a tea towel over his shoulder and a grin on his face. "You're just in time," he said. "I'm cooking dinner."

Listen to this episode about coercive control. Post continues after podcast.

I walked out without saying a word. He's said more than once that it's none of my business where he lives now. He said my mum wants him there. And that might be the worst part of all, he's not lying. She does want him there. Or at least, she doesn't want him gone badly enough to ask him to leave.

I feel like my own experience has been dismissed because it's inconvenient. Because it's easier for her to pretend he's just a poor guy who made mistakes than to acknowledge what he really is.

We barely speak now. When we do, it turns into an argument. I've told her that she's damaging our relationship, and she accuses me of being unforgiving. She says Mike needs support. I used to be so close to my mum. The person who cheered me on when I left him.

The person who helped me move boxes into my new flat. Now she's sharing her dinner table with the man who made me doubt myself for years.

I know some people might say that she's allowed to help whoever she wants. And yes, she is.

But I'm allowed to set boundaries too. I'm allowed to feel heartbroken that my own mother is standing in the middle and refusing to see the harm she's causing.

Sometimes I think she's been manipulated by him too. She probably doesn't even realise how he plays the victim so well.

But other times, I think maybe she just doesn't want to admit she's made a mistake.

*Names have been changed.

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