There’s 3 conversations you need to have with your partner before kids.

This won’t come as a surprise to anyone, but making the call to start a family with your partner is kind of a big deal. 

It’s certainly not a decision to be taken lightly, and there’s so much to consider before taking the plunge. There’s the question of labour distribution (who will be the primary carer at which points?), the conversations about logistics (where would we actually put a child?) and the even bigger, more exciting questions about what you both want your lives to look like in the future. 

And then, try as you might to avoid it… there are discussions about finances. 

When my partner and I first started tentatively talking about having kids, the financial conversations were a big roadblock for me. My version of a practical conversation about our family’s future involved wondering what colour eyes our babies might have. I emphatically did not want to look at a spreadsheet breaking down our family budget if I took time out of the workforce. I admit – although I’m slightly embarrassed to look back on it now – that my partner had to work way too hard to get me thinking about what our finances would look like if we became parents. 

Now we’re expecting baby number two, things have changed dramatically. I know how important it was for my partner and I to get on the same page about money before our first baby was born, so without further ado, here are the three money conversations I think it’s worth opening up with your partner before deciding to have kids together. 

Decide where you’ll spend and where you’ll save.

When it comes to budgeting, all the spreadsheets in the world can’t replace a shared “money ethos” – a meeting of the minds when it comes to the type of thing that’s worth spending your hard-earned cash on. If you’ve already shared finances with your partner for a while, you’ll probably have had this discussion in relation to everyday expenses, but having kids throws a whole new set of spending decisions into the mix. 

When I sat down with my partner before my first baby was born, we worked together to create our list of “baby non-negotiables”. These were the kid-related purchases we were happy to spend more on because we knew they would be worth it in the long run. One of our key priorities was safety, so we knew that big-ticket items like a bassinet and a pram were worth investing in. 

But we also knew that choices we made about smaller everyday items – little things like nappies and formula – would make a big difference to our budget in the long run, so it was worth making a call on where to prioritise. After talking it through with my partner, we decided that in our family, we’ll happily scrimp on designer baby clothes in favour of hand-me-downs (take my word for it: those fancy onesies will only get vomited on anyway) if it means we didn’t have to settle when it comes to health and wellbeing. 

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It’s the ideal example of a long-term investment when it comes to the smaller everyday items that might otherwise not get considered in your family budget. 

Work out whether you’ll take a pay cut, and plan accordingly. 

The truth about starting a family is that it’s often accompanied by a gaping hole in your budget. Most parents take at least some time off work at either no pay or reduced pay in their baby’s first year of life, and this pattern continues for every subsequent child. 

That’s no reason not to go ahead, but sticking your head in the sand when it comes to how you’ll fill this gap won’t do you any favours, either – this is definitely a case of the more you know, the better. It’s worth sitting down with your partner, pulling out a pen, some paper and a calculator, and considering exactly what the dent in your finances will be depending on how much time either of you take off work. You’ll need to consider what paid parental leave your workplaces offer and how much government paid leave you’re entitled to (if any). Then comes the really tricky part: deciding what’s actually realistic for your family in a climate where the cost-of-living shows no signs of slowing down. 

If taking a full year off work won’t pay the mortgage, it’s much better to know now than come to a shocking realisation later down the line.

Plan for the unexpected.

All the forward-planning in the world can’t account for the fact that once kids get involved, life gets (even more) unpredictable. And while prospective parents want nothing more than to believe that their path to raising a family will be smooth sailing, it certainly isn’t a given: things can, and will, go wrong on your path to parenthood. 

It’s important to talk with your partner about what the financial implications might be, and how you’ll handle them, before you go any further. For some families, that means agreeing to have a certain amount in savings before they start trying for a baby. 

For others, it might be as simple as acknowledging that under certain circumstances, they might need to take out a loan or change their living arrangements. This was one conversation I dreaded having with my partner, but in the wake of our first son being born premature and us both taking more time off work than expected, it turned out to be one of the most critical. 

When our plans changed, looking back on our conversations about unexpected expenses meant the whole experience was significantly less stressful than it could have been. 

Explore Elevit DHA & Choline Pregnancy and how it supports placenta health during pregnancy and your growing baby’s healthy brain and nervous system development.

Elevit DHA & Choline Pregnancy is designed to be taken together with Elevit Preconception & Pregnancy Multivitamin to support baby’s healthy development; it is not a replacement.

Always read the label and follow the directions for use.

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