"You will always like your kids," and other bogus misconceptions about motherhood.

“I am gonna breastfeed the shit out my baby, meet my girlfriends for bulk coffee dates and look fabulous while I’m on maternity leave.” – Me, pre-baby.

Well didn’t I get a nice lovely slap in the face from reality once that big headed babe was ripped violently from my abdomen.

This one’s for all you mama’s and mama-to-be’s craving a hot coffee, feeling overwhelmed, feeling lost, freakin’ out, feeling alone or feeling like everyone else is getting it and you’re the odd one out.

Today, I’m busting six total BS misconceptions about motherhood! *Little spoiler, actually not you’re not alone!

1. It will all come so naturally.

Nope! Soz love it doesn’t! You will literally get home from the hospital and gaze into your baby’s eyes and go “So what the f-ck do I do now?”. I’m pretty sure your baby does too?! When a midwife is shoving your nipple in their face, claiming “the baby knows what to do” I’m almost certain the kid’s lying there going “lady why you shoving this thing at me?”. No one’s got any clue.

Listen to the latest episode of Mamamia’s parenting podcast, This Glorious Mess.

2. It’s all coffee dates and shopping.

Hahahahahahahaha HA HA that’s a hilarious joke! To anyone who thinks it’s all cappuccinos and Kmart, you are sadly mistaken! I think it actually takes me about seven months to successfully catch up with someone, and even then we both leave early with screaming child(ren) in tow vowing never to set foot in a cafe again.

Between trying to line up children’s nap times and not actually wanting to take your toddler to a public place, this is one big fat urban myth.

3. You are "just" a mum.

This one really sh-ts me. It’s as if once you become ‘mum’ people forget anything else. And should you god forbid try to retain some sense of identity, albeit go back to work or have dreams and aspirations, then you’re labelled selfish? I don’t think so, mate.

4. There is a right and wrong way.

Well if there is a right way, I think I missed the memo. A multi-billion dollar industry has been built on publishing books and articles that tell you exactly how to parent. Because babies and children are so textbook and all the same! *That was sarcasm for anyone not following along at home*

5. That you will always like your kids.

Tell me this, if an adult came into your home and woke you up every hour of the night, only to then spend the entire day throwing things at you, screaming at you and telling you that your cooking is ‘yukky’ and not once ever letting you pee alone – would you like them?

I mean yes I know, they’re only kids, they don’t mean it, they don’t know any better – blaa blaa blaa! But you can love the shit out of your kids and not ‘like’ them at the same time!

6. You will be able to do it all.

Look, I’m sure there is some mum out there who does. But for the majority of us it will feel as if one or more balls will always on the floor. And while some of us might try project that we do ‘have it together’ – we don’t. AND THAT’S ABSOLUTELY NORMAL. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you a bad mother – it makes you human.

This post originally appeared on Olivia White's blog, House of White. You can read the original post here.