It's the era of the Millennial boss. And she wants to be your... mum.

Hi, my name’s Lizza. And I’m a mumager. 

But not in the way you’d imagine. Or at least, how I pictured a mumager to behave: bribing a toddler with ice-cream (or in my two-year-old’s case, frozen bread – don’t ask, I don’t understand either) to do something cute for a video, in the hopes of that child going viral and becoming to TikTok what Justin Bieber was to YouTube.

That’s not what a mumager is. According to a recent Bustle article, as Millennials now find themselves in positions of power, the era of the mumager has arrived. This is a Millennial manager or boss, who feels responsible for the emotional wellbeing of her team in contrast to “the more authoritarian bosses of the Gen X or Boomer eras”. The coined term is a portmanteau of mum and manager, inspired by this viral TikTok vid where the Gen Z creator declared her love for Millennial bosses for “giving dream parents energy”.

@jennadevriesmusic #stitch with @joshuaturek Its giving dream parents energy. #millennialboss #millennialbosses #millennialsbelike #millennialsatwork #fyp ♬ original sound - JennaDeVries

Now before I go on, I should say that I’m not a fan of broad sweeping generalisations like this, and the term “mumager” sounds so patronising, especially when we all know there are a million different ways to “mum”. 

But when I read that article, I realised… 

Shit, whatever label you put on it, that’s me. I’m one of those Millennial managers. 

That was me in my previous jobs, every time someone needed to offload about what was wrong at work or at home. 

That was me every time I took on all of those problems, believing it was my responsibility to fix every one of those issues, even though an outsider could easily see it was not. 

That was me at every photo shoot I managed, running around and making sure that everyone on set was happy, fed and caffeined up. 

I get legitimately excited when people in my team do well. I get truly pissed off, and will go to their defence, when people try to take advantage of anyone I work with or talk shit about them. 

As one former colleague would try to remind me: “Boundaries. You need boundaries.”

To which I’d nod and agree, but then continue to take on all the problems of the world (an exaggeration, I know, but the heaviness of it all often felt like this), and make sure everyone else was okay. But then also without having anyone who I could offload to. It was a recipe for burnout. 

I care about the people I work with – some might say a bit too much – but only because I also know what it’s like to work for people who don’t give any f**ks.

Maybe it’s the older sister in me that feels like I have to look after everyone. 

I was mumming so hard here; I spent a lot of my time on this photo shoot making sure everyone was fed. Image: Supplied.

Or maybe, as Michelle Duval, performance coach and founder of AI coaching company Fingerprint for Success, says, it really is a generational thing. 

She’s been studying motivational data over the past 20 years and has noticed these differences. 

“What we're seeing is that Baby Boomers and Gen X's were very much motivated to lead through authority and hierarchy, whereas we're seeing our Gen Z’s and Millennials become far more motivated to lead through relationships.

“The big trend we're seeing in the data is that millennial leaders are way more affiliative and relational than the previous generations.”

She adds, “So, maybe it's not about being a ‘mumager’. Maybe it’s just what this generation naturally does, and that there's nothing wrong with it.” 

Psychologist and Director of Organisational Development of The Lumery, Dr Mel Irons, is also hesitant to use any labels and suggests the generational management differences come down to this:

“People show up and use the tools they have. Recent generations have more education around mental health, wellbeing and emotional literacy than previous generations.

“So there are probably a few things at play here: generally, more permission and training around topics like wellbeing and mental health, and greater acceptance and understanding of the idea of ‘the whole self at work (a fancy way of just saying we are people first, employees second). As well as research, and therefore, leadership programs starting to move far more in the direction of upskilling leaders in capabilities like empathic leadership, compassion and  appropriate vulnerability.”

Millennial managers: the pros and cons.

Ignoring the immense emotional load some Millennial managers feel for the moment, there are some strong pros to this style of management. 

“People feel much more bonded to the millennial leader. They feel safer, they feel seen, they feel supported and they're going to have a much deeper connection with their team members relationally,” Duval says.

“This comfort with being themselves can lead to greater loyalty, and the opportunity for realising the potential of a team member. When people can be comfortable to be themselves they are more honest or transparent, and therefore, a leader will have a greater opportunity of really helping shape and support high performance in their team. There is less fear of failure and a real opportunity for innovation, collaboration and for breaking new ground.”

On the downside, Dr Irons says that while people in some caregiving roles, such as allied health and medical professionals, are trained in managing things like “compassion fatigue”, most people in management positions aren’t.

Watch: What would your work day be like without coffee? Post continues after video.

She explains: “The vast majority of people leaders don’t receive formal leadership training, let alone be given advanced skills to manage some of the kinds of things that come across their desks. 

“So a con can be a lack of skill and support with handling the more significant issues, or just lack of confidence. There can be a blurring of boundaries. There can also be the complexities that emerge where issues arise in that complex space between mental and physical health and performance. 

It’s not always a great time for their team members, either. “For some people, the division between work and home is something they really value, and feeling forced or expected to share too much about themselves at work [by a manager] can be very uncomfortable,” Dr Irons says.

It can also lead to work politics and a lack of direction. Duval says, “For teams or team members that need hierarchy, clear lanes, and more dictatorial leadership, the Millennial leader won't cut it, and this is where we see a lot of ‘politics’ at work. 

“People talk about the leader, going behind their back to try and assert authority because the leader is not setting clear boundaries with folk, who need and want those clear boundaries.” 

So, what can help these boundary-less Millennial managers?

(Wow, isn’t that such a Millennial manager question to ask?)

Leaning into discomfort can help. Duval says, “One of the biggest challenges Millennials and Gen Z face is feeling uncomfortable. They can code discomfort as anxiety and then lean out and away from developing soft skills they need to be effective as a leader and at work. 

“Discomfort is normal when learning new skills, one will naturally feel outside their comfort zone and this is usually okay if you have support and mentors to help guide you. 

“While it is counter intuitive, lean into this discomfort and soon you will feel proud of yourself for your new soft human skills and your flexibility as a leader to foster healthy team culture.”

Of course, it comes down to setting those boundaries we mentioned earlier.

“Boundaries have become a bit of a buzzword, so it’s important to know what we actually mean by them,” Dr Iron says.

“Boundaries are not barriers. They are not walls. They are firm lines/wooden fences that we can still see each other over and connect, but can’t cross.”

What that looks like in a practical sense, Dr Irons says, “It can be helpful to lay out roles and responsibilities. Policies and establishing documented ways of working are really important for this reason too – it doesn’t have to be horribly dry and painful stuff – it’s more about guidelines and options and contacts for people leaders to know what to do next if they are feeling a bit lost.” 

And remember: "We are each 100 per cent responsible for our own thoughts, emotions and behaviours, but zero per cent responsible for other people's thoughts, emotions and behaviours," Dr Irons says. 

“It’s important and liberating to shake off any false sense and pressure of over-responsibility. Listen, support, be empathetic, provide adjustments, offer flexibility, remove obstacles for people. But don't over-inflate your sense of how much you can control how someone else feels."

Featured image: Getty.

Lizza Gebilagin is Head of Lifestyle at Mamamia. Follow her on Instagram @lizza_marie but not on TikTok (she's been holding out for years - feels too Millennial for it).

Are you a Millennial manager or have dealt with one? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.