Dear Mila Kunis,
First, let me say I respect you as an actor, a woman, and a soon-to-be-mother. I remember watching your character on That 70’s Show and thinking, “Wow, that is one annoying person.” But, as a viewer, the single greatest feat an actor can accomplish is to make a loathsome character endearing and believable.
You did both, so I congratulate you. I should also say, I’m not an expert of any kind. I am an average man with an average job in a small town in North Carolina. I am a father and husband, however, and that is the reason I felt compelled to write you.
Recently, you appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live and recorded a rant as a response to Mr. Kimmel relating the news that he and his wife are pregnant. I get that it was a comedy bit and, to be honest, it was funny. Nevertheless, I must admit, it was also a rather troubling and hurtful tirade.
It also illustrates part of a problem in the way our society views women, pregnancy, and fatherhood. Excluding fathers from the experience of pregnancy is not only unfair to “all the soon-to-be fathers out there,” it is unfair to all the soon-to-be mothers out there.
I know, I know, I’m probably over-thinking what ostensibly was just a cute comedy bit meant to blow off a little steam and fill some air time. Nevertheless, let’s face it, you are an influential person and even when you might be kidding, your words will resonate with people everywhere and may, in fact, make things much worse for women when they shush their partners in the same way you shushed Mr. Kimmel.
I could cite all kinds of studies and anecdotal stories about the changes that men go through, and the phenomenon of sympathy pregnancy symptoms, but I don’t think it’s necessary to get all sciency about this. What I want to do is encourage you, and all women, to allow men to feel and take part in the experience of pregnancy. Just because a coach stands on the sidelines of a football game doesn’t mean he isn’t a part of the team. He may not bear the physical scars of the hard hits and repeated tackles, but a coach’s support and guidance are what makes the difference between good teams and great teams.