'I was ready to leave my husband, until I heard these three words.'

"Maybe I don't want to do this anymore."

Three years ago, these were the eight words Paige said to herself as she contemplated leaving her husband of almost 20 years.

They had been together since high school, and he had always been incredibly supportive, kind, and loyal.

"What else could I ask for?" Paige said. 

But the reality was tough. Paige found herself burnt out from work, motherhood, and bearing the brunt of the domestic workload.

Every night, her husband would ask her what to make for dinner. Every morning, he would ask what the kids needed in their daycare backpacks. The questions mounted.

Watch: Maggie Dent on the mental load. Post continues after video.

"About three months after my fourth baby was born, I remember looking at my husband and saying, 'I need more. I need you to do more. I am exhausted. I am in charge of everyone and everything in this house'," Paige shared in a TikTok video.

Those three words were a wake up call.

"He looked at me and he said, 'Okay, just tell me what to do'. Right? Every woman has heard this. 'Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it'."

Paige asked her husband to do two things: empty the dishwasher and take out the rubbish. 

He agreed, and at first he followed through, but Paige soon found herself reminding him of the job. 

Then, one morning, things erupted.

"I woke up to find that my husband had forgotten because he was late for work," Paige told Mamamia.

"I remember thinking, 'Oh my God, he doesn't see me because what he's done has now made me late for work, and he doesn't care about that'," she said in her video.

"Once again, it was my responsibility not only to delegate tasks, but to remind him and ultimately pick up the slack when he didn't follow through," Paige told us.

At that moment, she knew something had to change.

"That day, I realised I had become the project manager of our home, ensuring everything ran smoothly. I was burnt out and exhausted. That moment was a turning point in our relationship. After that day, I couldn't continue as we had been."

Before signing any papers, Paige wanted to have a serious conversation with her husband. 

"I sat him down and explained the impact the mental load was having on our relationship," she told Mamamia.

"It was making me feel resentful and frustrated. We had a tough conversation about the reality of our situation and what it would take to get us both back to a place where we were happy and our home was functioning, where we both felt supported.

"I think it was really important that we discussed the impact it was having on our marriage, because it made it clear to him that this wasn't just about the chores — it was much deeper than that."

At first, he was defensive.

"He also seemed to experience shame, as if he was failing in our relationship. I believe this is common because men are often taught their main roles are to be present dads and providers, but they aren't typically taught about the mental load, or that their partner might expect them to share in it. He thought he was doing everything right, so there was a lot of shame surrounding the conversation."

Despite this, Paige's husband was willing to change.

"Once we had an intentional conversation about sharing the work in our home — both the mental load and the domestic labour — my husband didn't slack off again.

"He became really engaged and willing to make changes. Before that, we'd have fights about the dishes or the trash, but the reason things would get better temporarily and then revert to normal was that we didn't have a plan. We were only talking about chores, not the deeper issues and expectations tied to them. 

"When a partner says they're going to change but doesn't, or changes for a while and then slacks off again, it breaks trust. It shows your partner that they can't rely on you, which erodes the trust in the relationship."

The couple read a book called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky and implemented her game to divvy up domestic responsibilities. They also sought individual therapy and had consistent conversations about what equity could look like in their home.  

"We maintained our relationship by being intentional about finding time for each other," shared Paige. "When I was overwhelmed by the mental load and things felt unequal, we couldn't find the time or energy for date nights or just being together without discussing logistics at home. It took us being deliberate about blocking off time in our calendars to focus on one another, without it revolving around household work or caring for the kids."

Since sharing work more equitably, Paige and her husband have a lot more time.

"We have more time for hobbies, friends, and family, and more time for each other. Because we have time to enjoy life, we're happier and thriving. Our home runs much more smoothly now, and we spend far less time discussing logistics and more time talking about how we want to spend our time together and what that looks like."

For Paige, it's all about respect.

"In many relationships, there's often more value placed on paid work, and sometimes even more value on the partner earning more money. But at the end of the day, no one's time is more valuable than another's in a relationship," she said.

"It's crucial to respect what each partner brings to the table and place equal value on the work they're doing. Too often, women are doing invisible labour that isn't valued in the same way as the paid work that men often do. Respect and mutual value are essential for a healthy relationship."

Feature Image: Supplied