MELISSA LEONG: 'They make you think you wanted it. In therapy, I finally accepted what happened.'

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This is an extract from Guts by Melissa Leong. Murdoch Books RRP $34.99.

One day, on the way to one of our events, I had received a call from a member of the collective, a chef, who spoke to me like I was the help.

Condescending, demanding, dismissive, he wanted tickets to a particular event he was not involved in because he felt entitled to them.

These events were run on the smell of an oily rag, so every paid seat mattered, in order to cover our costs and send each participant home with a little token of gratitude.

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, then fat tears roll down my face. To be spoken to with such dismissive haughtiness floored me.

There's a level of entitlement chefs have been allowed to get away with over the years, and some of them know how to wield it with aplomb.

TOYS had turbocharged the careers of some of our number, and while I am always thrilled to see people get ahead, it's better when they do it with grace and gratitude.

Watch: The Truth About Sexual Harassment. Post continues below.

Noticing the sobbing mess in the back of his car, the cab driver handed me a box of tissues. As I tried to clean myself up, I decided something. I'd been spending so much time building the profiles of other people…

Why wasn't I doing that for myself? Nobody was backing me, so why wasn't I?

I promised myself, right then and there, that should I ever find myself in the spotlight, I would do it differently. I'd show them you could be kind, gracious and supportive — that it was not necessary to be entitled, c***y or childish.

I never thought it'd happen, so I didn't see the harm in being an idealist about the notion.

The truth of having spent much of my career celebrating chefs means I have been deeply involved in amplifying and celebrating the voices and perspectives of men.

I learned quickly that becoming 'one of the boys' was the best way to bypass the bulls*** to get what I needed to do the work, but that approach isn't foolproof.

I had my fair share of being put in uncomfortable positions with men who should have known better but just didn't care.

The front cover of Guts by Melissa Leong. Image: Supplied.

A former colleague, a chef, would joke about 'struggle snuggles' in a way that only a middle-aged white man can.

I used to pretend to laugh because you really have to choose the time and place to drop a bomb about being the struggler in one of those snuggles.

In therapy not so long ago, I was finally able to accept the fact of what happened to me in the world of hospitality many years ago: I was raped.

I have since spent years feeling ashamed. I pretended that the thing that happened to me didn't happen.

But as much as I tried to squash it all down into a tight bundle and stow it way back in a cupboard, it somehow always darted around in my periphery.

While I didn't do anything about it at the time, hopefully these days we, as a society, know better when it comes to matters of consent.

When it was happening, I had made it clear that I didn't want what was being forced on me, but it's so insidious how people can make you feel like it was your fault.

They make you think you wanted it. That being flattered by platitudes means you opted in and could not, at any point, opt out.

As a society, we need to get more comfortable with calling this kind of situation what it is and not a blurred line that lets people get away with causing such deep harm, with little to no consequences.

In this world where the horrific actions of men are constantly downplayed by the media, women all over the world minimise the reality of what has happened to them.

If you ignore a wound because you're told it's not that serious, if you don't clean it, dress it and keep an eye on it, it doesn't heal, it festers.

These past few years, much has been made of the fact that what happened to me happens far too frequently in the world of hospitality.

I wonder how many women in the industry hide the wounds inflicted on them because we're told that it's par for the course of being a woman in this space.

I know there are more than I can imagine. It might be scary, but I am deeply encouraging of women to speak up when they are sexually assaulted. I wish I did.

Our desire to do so is quelled so often by fear, shame or a lack of clarity over the remains of the day.

These are all constructs designed to keep us quiet and let the rapists get away with it over, and over, and over again.

Guts by Melissa Leong is available to purchase, click here.

Feature Image: Getty.