'For Meghan Markle's show to succeed, she needs to go full Gwyneth Paltrow.'

Martha Stewart, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tracee Ellis Ross, Reese Witherspoon.

These are the wealthy celebrities whose lives I gaze upon, envious and yet somehow safe in the melancholy knowledge I will never once experience a day in their shoes.

For some, peeking behind the curtain of such glamour and wealth is aspirational. For me, it's entertaining in all its ridiculous glory.

They have stunning homes and access to the world's best designer clothes. They do whimsical things like tell you to kiss more strangers, cook naked, and stick a yoni egg in places it should not be stuck. These women are luxurious, they're unashamedly unrelatable and they have a massive hydrangea budget!

Meghan Markle is not one of them. 

Well, she is, but in her new Netflix series With Love, Meghan she's currently cosplaying as 'one of us' in a futile attempt to dissuade spiteful little trolls from going on the attack.

Watch the trailer for With Love, Meghan. Story continues below.

She's been villainised over and over again for being this fancy Hollywood starlet in a sea of literal nepotism baby royals. She wants desperately to be seen as the 'every woman'. But here's the thing: the trolls will never like her, they will never accept her.

It's their loss, actually. Imagine being so bitter? Wasting your brain cells feeling so threatened by a woman who opens a bag of pretzels only to pour them into another, smaller bag? Being so enraged by an actress who wants to try bee-keeping?

No wonder her haters all have a similarly dishevelled energy, like they've spent months hunkering down in their conspiracy sheds fostering hate in their hearts. They're so stressed out from their imaginary plights against the American Suits actress in a beige cardigan. Sad!

But… I digress. 

With Love, Meghan is a show about Meghan's lifestyle and hostessing prowess. In the Netflix series, she can be seen baking cakes, slicing lemons, putting little flowers on everything, and wearing plenty of "high-low" luxe neutrals.

There are glimpses of silly rich woman magic. Little whispers of whimsy, if you will. Like when she talks about using her 'bee-keeping voice' or suggests we try throwing a whole corn cob in a paper bag to make popcorn. But a lot of the time, it's got a 'see, I'm a normal lady' vibe to it all.

And while her biggest fanbase — the haters — have decried this show was 'out of touch' and 'insufferable' I'm here to say it wasn't out of touch enough, actually.

The overall problem the series faces is that it's too scared to lean into the ridiculous nature of the rich lady lifestyle. Or rather, she is. She's playing it a bit too safe.

Meghan and her bees are my new favourite co-stars. Image: Netflix.

I get it. The hatred and vitriol for Meghan Markle remains at a high, with think-pieces and aggressive comments (not to mention, so much damn misinformation) spreading across the internet like poison.

It leeches out through content creators who edit the show's scenes to portray Meghan as crazy, manipulative, and downright evil for making… floral ice cubes. I'm not even kidding, there are so many English women losing their absolute MINDS on TikTok over the ice cube scene. These are the same people who are applauding Kate Middleton for flipping a pancake this week. The standard is simply not the same, and Meghan has never and will never meet their expectations. No matter how clearly she is trying

Meghan attempted to appeal to the masses with Season 1 of her show — pulled directly from 'The Royal handbook on relatable wealth' —  and where did it get her? Delivering a series that was still blasted as being 'out of touch' despite her best efforts to be the opposite.

In the process, it doesn't seem like she had a whole lot of fun. While there were touches of luxury living throughout With Love, Meghan, the series felt somewhat lacking in soul and heart. She seems to be a cautious shell of her former vibrant self, slowly clawing her way back while simultaneously trying to please her haters. And you can't do both.

So screw it. 

Lean in, Meghan. I need you to go full Gwyneth Paltrow in Season 2. You're halfway there, now is the time to commit to the bit. It's what the show — and all the commoners — truly need. 

More of this! Less trousers from Zara! Image: Netflix.

Gwynnie P once said, 'I am who I am. I can't pretend to make $25,000 a year'. And that was so real. Because she can't, so why should she bother? Why are celebrities and wealthy women always trying to pretend they're relatable and easygoing? Oh right, because it makes people like them. 

But what is even the point in being a 'woman of the people' when every ounce of your being is demonstrably unrelatable? If I wanted to see someone relatable, I'd sit and ponder my own existence. I don't watch Martha Stewart's videos and think 'oh yes, she's so me!' I watch them and giggle at the silliness and fun of it all. I enjoy the peek behind the curtain.

I need Meghan to be so wildly out of touch in Season 2.

I need to learn how to use beeswax to create my own letter seal. To find out why rich women need so much wicker. To see what else you can sprinkle flowers on top of. 

I need her to individually name her bees.

I need her to explain cashmere thread counts to me, one of the poors.

I need her to come up with a new form of water, like that time everyone was talking about things being 'alkalised' or 'infused with lemon'. I want water infused with truffle (ew).

I need her to wear a tiara, maybe once.

I want her to talk MORE about Royal stuff, like her Sussex surname. Teach a D-List celebrity how to curtsy the formal way. Expose their secret Christmas traditions on Drew Barrymore's talk-show. Reveal what Shampoo and Conditioner they keep in the palace!

Spill. It. All. 

I want her to have fun.

I want Meghan to lock in for Season 2 and come out guns blazing, perfect hair shining in the sun as she preaches the importance of home-growing your own zucchini flowers.

Give them a reason to hate you, diva.

Feature Image: Netflix.