Is 'crappy & bleak' an interior design look?

By JO ABI

The interior design style of my home can best be described as ‘Crappy Bleak’. It’s an unfortunate mix of pieces that used to be nice but have been ruined by a couple of house moves and three children who see them not as cabinets and tables but jungle gyms, tunnels and things to spill drinks on.

My lounge is probably the metaphor for the rest of the furniture. It’s a cream coloured ‘sleeper lounge’ that we bought specifically because the covers come off and can be washed.

Except, it’s a real bitch to take them off and the one and only time we did it we didn’t speak for days.  Obviously we will never be contestants on The Block. There was sweating, swearing and some minor injuries to deal with. And he slept on the freshly cleaned sleeper lounge for the next three nights.

Note: Don’t buy sleeper lounges; it takes longer to make up with your partner when one of you has somewhere else to sleep at night!

In October, we are finally moving into a bigger house and not all of our pieces are making the move with us. I can count on one hand the furniture that will be a part of our new life. The rest will have trouble being accepted by a charity.

Here’s the furniture that has made the cut. They are the privileged few.

Recliner Chair

Our tan, suede recliner chair is on the top of the list. We bought it ten years ago, or should I say my husband bought it for himself and then I claimed it as my own.

I never wanted a recliner chair. I wanted a lounge we could snuggle on. We’d just moved in together. To me a recliner was something for single people or those who’ve been married a long time and no longer snuggle while watching TV.

He lugged it in and soon his bum print was well and truly embedded in the cushion. It was shortly after I had our first baby that I slumped into it one morning because two more steps to lounge  were too many.

It was heaven. The back support was out of this world and the arms were the perfect height for breast feeding.

“Move honey,” I’d say six times a day at feeding time and with a big sigh and a reluctant pushing in of the foot rest he’d move and I’d snuggle in and settle in for most of the day.

Office Chair

I accidentally purchased an office chair that is way too big for our tiny little desk. It looks ridiculous. I ordered it online and when the box arrived it did look big but we ripped it open and set it up anyway.

Our three children immediately jumped on. They all fit nicely and I started spinning them and this has become a daily activity ever since.

When I work I cover myself with a giant blanket which fits on the chair and I can even put my legs up, crossed if I feel like it. In my family it fits my husband, me and one of our kids or all three kids. It’s accidentally perfect. Don’t you love furniture like that?

TV

We have a great TV which looks really big in our tiny little rental lounge room but it’s well-watched and much-loved. It’s coming with us and confession time; we are putting it in our bedroom.

I know, we shouldn’t put a TV in our bedroom. It might interrupt our sleep patterns, or cause insomnia, or lead to way too much late night TV viewing but sometimes, even if it’s once a week, I’d love to get an early night, put on an oldie-but-a-goodie movie and lie down and watch it (or fall asleep during it).

At the moment I try and do this in our lounge room and falling asleep in a slumped, sitting position at my age (37) causes injuries that are difficult to recover from. I get neck strains, I have a bad back due to a childhood injury and I once got pins and needles in one leg so badly that I stood up and then fell on my face.  See, I need a TV in my bedroom for my health and well-being.

Contempo Dining Package  

I am salivating over this dining package, pun intended. Currently we have a four seater dining table that does fold out but with only four

Here’s how we eat dinner…

We seat all three children on the table which leaves one side free except if I sat there I’d block the TV. I know, we shouldn’t watch TV during dinner but it’s our one nasty habit that we haven’t yet been able to break.

So I pull that chair back and sit next to my son. I eat quickly and then my husband sits there to eat his dinner or he ends up eating in front of the computer or in the aforementioned recliner.

This Contempo Dining Package is a priority purchase for our new home. We don’t need to fold it out, it has six chairs and it is super trendy and awesome. If you don’t believe me, read this:

The Contempo Dining Package styles the stunning Sean Dix Forte Dining Table with Glass top with the Matt Blatt Replica Eames DSW Side Chair in Plastic, for a combination of stunning classic style and the innovatively original.

I have to get it, right? I just have to!

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Kitchen stools

I always dreamed of a breakfast bar in my kitchen. I’ve never had it but when we moved into our super small super affordable home I noticed there was a section of kitchen bench that could be used as a sort of breakfast bar. I bought two cute bar stools but the bench is so crowded with appliances that we’ve never been able to eat there.

But still, they really do come in handy. On one we have a power board in which we’ve plugged in a microwave, kettle, sandwich maker, phone charger and sometimes a vacuum cleaner.

On the other lives my handbag. It’s one of those handbag-meets-nappy-bag situations so it is big and needs a seat of its own.

On the stool with the power board my husband hangs up his work pants and belt each night. The one with my handbag has two jackets and a cardigan on it. I’m so glad I bought kitchen stools.

The furniture which will be donated, sold or sadly disposed of include the bed with the slates that fall off when we roll over at night (and at other times), the TV cabinet with the doors that were broken long ago and is covered with an assortment of sticky substances, our large fridge that is white and matches none of our other appliances and our itty bitty little book shelf which needs to be replaced with a wall of book shelves (if you look under my bed you’ll see how I store the books that don’t fit).

One day people will walk into my house and think ‘Homely and Chic’. They’ll think ‘Stain-proof and Stylish’. They’ll think “Gosh Jo has good taste, and boy is that one big ass office chair!”