The Married At First Sight contestants are literally SPOILING EVERYTHING.

Warning: This post *may* contain spoilers, but I’m not actually sure…

I have a bone to pick with the entire group of Season Four’s Married At First Sight contestants.

Get.

The.

Flooping.

Floop.

Off.

Instagram.

Look – I get it, you all like sharing pictures of your acai bowls as much as the next reality TV group, but WHY ARE YOU SPOILING THE SHOW FOR ALL OF US?

Posting photos with your fake husbands and wives might be cute, but I tell ya what, it’s bloody frustrating when I’ve invested 50 hours of my time watching you all on telly. I didn’t realise I could just log onto ye olde Insta to find out Shaz and Nick are still going steady.

A post shared by Sharon Marsh (@shazzimarsh) on Mar 22, 2017 at 8:33pm PDT

Or, you know, that Andy and Vanessa are actually a thing and are actively posting galleries together with a lame hashtag (admittedly a bit of a surprise).

#teamvandy

A post shared by Andrew Hill MAFS (@andy_hill86) on Mar 23, 2017 at 5:56pm PDT

We all know that saying ‘stay’ at the final commitment ceremony actually means squat in the real world – just look at how the couples from Season Three ended up.

I get that you all want Instagram followers, but I want faux suspense, people. I want concocted drama. I want the kind of thrill one can only get from the “where are they now” segment shortly after the end of the season finale.

In ruining the surprise, you are depriving me of something that I love.

Why can’t you be like The Bachelor contestants, who apparently have their phones and everything they love locked in cages for approximately 10 years?

Aren’t you all supposed to be in “lockdown”… or a dungeon… or something?

It’s just not okay. This is why we can’t have nice things.