Mamamia recaps MAFS: One bride is lying, and the other is possessed.

Okay, I'm just going to dive right in and say: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TONIGHT?

Was Brook bodysnatched?

Did I witness a demonic possession?

Who was that woman and what did she do with the absolute queen we've been watching until now?

And is it just me, or did we see Mel lying her face off? As for Silver Steve… let's just say I watched this entire episode with my jaw on the floor.Righto, deep breaths. Here's how it all went down.

Watch: The MAFS teaser trailer. Post continues below.

In our usual news round-up, we return to Gia and Scott's explosive conversation about dating someone with a child. Scott, to his credit, makes a fairly convincing case for himself.

"I've gotta learn to adapt, to accept someone — because before, I didn't," he says. "That's why I'm here. I don't know how to do that yet, and I'm learning."

And look — he still doesn't know Gia's daughter's name, which is… not ideal. But as far as soundbites go, this is at least the right one.

Elsewhere, Alissa and David have now officially bonked after she "jumped him," and they both seem genuinely loved up and happy about it.

You know who else got down to it? Bec and Danny. I know — plot twist!

"We went out for dinner last night," Bec explains. "We were all over each other. One thing led to another… and spooning became forking."

Danny, meanwhile, declines to say much beyond the fact that he's met Bec's dad and doesn't feel comfortable talking about "shagging his daughter" on national television. Fair enough.

Bec, however, is feeling celebratory. "I needed that orgasm," she says. "Two orgasms, actually."

My thoughts on this are threefold: One — what happened to no sexual chemistry? Are we just not addressing the U-turn? Two — I sincerely hope Bec is telling the truth about those orgasms because at the moment Danny doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to be there for her, if you know what I mean. And three — if Danny freezes her out again after this, I will straight up lose my shit.

Moving on, Stella and Filip are back in the water, legs wrapped around each other, lips locked tight. These two cannot keep their hands off one another — and call me naïve, but I believe it.

"I've never felt anything like this before," Stella says. "Ever." Cute. Very cute.

We only get quick glimpses of Julia and Grayson, and Rebecca and Silver Steve, but all appears calm: cosy, affectionate, no harm, no foul.

Then we cut back to the ongoing hostage situation at Luke and Mel's apartment. Apparently, drama has erupted behind the scenes following derogatory comments posted online by Luke's sisters. Brook, having seen the posts, feels upset on Mel's behalf.

"I don't like people who tear girls down like that," she says. "It's not very nice." Correct.

"He should shut that down," she continues. "I don't think Mel deserves that." Also correct. Unjustifiable cruelty is not acceptable.

Image: Nine.

But when Mel debriefs to camera, she reveals the substance of the comments: "They said I'm not genuine, I don't deserve someone like Luke, and that I don't know what I've got until I've lost it."

And… look, I'm not saying they should have posted anything online — obviously they shouldn't have — but it is hard to disagree with the sentiment.

Luke, Mel assumes, must be responsible. And here's where some context matters.

MAFS is filmed well in advance of airing; the entire experiment wraps months before episode one goes to screen. By the time we're watching this, cast and crew have long since packed up and gone home. Which means any online commentary at this stage can only be coming from participants themselves or people close to them.

So, yeah, sounds like Luke has gone home and had a moan to his sisters about his TV wife's baffling and hurtful behaviour. And isn't that perfectly okay? I would probably have done the same thing.

Another possibility: if Danny has already met Bec's dad, there's every chance Mel has met Luke's family in person, meaning their judgement may be entirely their own. Either way, Luke hasn't actually done anything wrong.

But of course, Mel feels betrayed, because Luke, despite somehow incurring her visible hatred from day one, has consistently presented himself as a Good Guy™. And is this (*gestures at fairly accurate words on a screen that someone else has posted*) what a Good Guy does?

When confronted, Luke is contrite. "I'm sorry," he says repeatedly, explaining that he was mortified when he saw the comments and immediately spoke to his sisters.

"Let me stop you right there," Mel snaps. "You make my life hell."

And let's just take a beat to really absorb that. You. Make. My. Life. Hell.

Yep. Wow.

"You know what it's like to feel isolated," she continues, "because that's what I did to you on our honeymoon. And that's what you've done to me this week."

So… isolation is only bad when it happens to her? Got it.

Luke talks about experiencing intense anxiety. Mel says she's "come to her senses" and realised it's not fair for him to play the victim when he's also done wrong. And just as I'm bracing for an actual list of examples — was it the TV volume again, babe? — the show abruptly moves on.

Image: Nine.

Revelations Week continues with MAFS' own unhinged version of Squid Game: something called Red Flag / Green Flag, a fun little excursion to a pub where the group are divided by gender, banished to different (hopefully soundproofed) rooms, and asked to present their most and least fave things about their fake spouses.

Upon hearing the news, Rebecca looks uneasy. "Relax," says Silver Steve, squeezing her hand. "We're all good, okay?" Instantly, she melts. 

Sweet Steve and Rachel go first, and deliver exactly what we expect: warmth, generosity, emotional intelligence. Both rooms are supportive. It's lovely. 

Then Bec gets up, and things take a turn.

She talks about feeling safe with Danny, praises his communication and loyalty, and while I still have questions, it's clear there's a lot happening behind the scenes we're not seeing. Danny is also extremely practised at turning on the charm, so for now, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

When Bec shares her body insecurities and fear that Danny might feel "shortchanged," the girls rally hard. Alissa is especially kind, gently encouraging her to speak to herself with more love and respect. Gia, meanwhile, looks like she wants to set her on fire. "He just thinks it's a root," she mutters to camera. Maybe. But why rub it in?

Gia then gets up and I'm hoping Bec can be the bigger woman. But sadly she's all out of self-awareness. While Gia talks about her dynamic with Scott, including her insecurity that he won't accept her as a single mum, Bec heckles, makes faces and whispers openly to Rebecca. Clearly, she, too, has chosen violence. And, despite a few death stares from Brook and a solid effort from Rebecca to shut them both all the way down, the beef is now well and truly ON.

Meanwhile, over in the boys' room, David tells the boys how blissed out he is with Alissa and the boys all cheer.

Silver Steve then gets up, and we all expect him to follow suit. "There are multiple green flags," he says of Rebecca, but names none. Instead, he launches straight into red flags. Rebecca talks too much, there's no downtime, he doesn't understand her humour, it seems rude to him, her personality is too conservative, she's moody, opinionated, outspoken, her expectations are too high, she's a lot, she's impatient, it's one step forward and two steps back.

There's a stunned silence. 

And then Scott speaks for all of us when he says, "If you're going straight to red flags, you're pretty much in the shit." 

Now who had that on their bingo card? Still — nothing prepares me for what comes next.

Brook gets up. She offers one or two cursory green flags about Chris before spilling the tea on his heinous audition tape. Suitably appalled, the girls gasp. Rachel is visibly distressed hearing his comments about fat people, which only underscores how vile they were.

"I didn't come here to train a boy," Brook says. "And if this were the outside world, I'd tap out." Correct again! Iconic. I love her.

And then — something odd happens.

As Stella gets up, positively gushing about the "old soul in a hot body" she's lucky enough to have fake-married, Brook's attitude completely mutates. First, she interrupts Stella to ask a spiky and completely unrelated question about her watch: "Are you wearing Chanel?" And then, when Stella fails to find fault with Filip, her face turns to stone. "I don't believe you," she spits. "No red flags? I call bullshit!" And it's so out of character it's like Riley's possession in Talk To Me. 

"My arse you can't figure out a red flag," she continues, really hitting her stride. "My arse." 

She then starts sniping at Alissa. "Do we wanna be here all day, because Alissa will finish soon." "Are you done?" "Alissa is the expert." 

When Alissa gets up to talk about David, it's Brook's turn to heckle. "Dragon breath," she whispers when Alissa mentions morning kisses. "But have you fucked yet?" she yells, interrupting yet again.

Huh? What? Is she high?

Suddenly, Brook and Gia are cosied up like Regina George and Gretchen Weiners, their expressions openly sneering. It's revolting — and so disorientating.

"Oh, so it's all rainbows and sunshine?" Brook calls out. "He's shitting rainbows?" She then shares reports from the boys' camp that David said he didn't intend to have sex during the show, and the implication is clear: Alissa is lying. "It's a fake showmance," Brook shrieks. 

And I am genuinely shaken. Where is the woman's woman who eviscerated Chris? Has production had a word, do they need a new villain? Is this staged? I don't know — but it's WEIRD AF.

Image: Nine.

But that's not all!

We hear from Luke who is yet again kind and respectful in the way he discusses Mel, offering generous green flags and limiting his red ones to behaviour rather than character.

Then, over in the girls room, Mel gets up and… lies. 

"There are no green flags," she says. "He's made my life a living hell. He's trying to be malicious to me, every chance he gets."

"I think he's not here for the right reasons," says Brook's Evil Twin. "He's there telling his sisters all this drama and they're going online and slandering Mel."

Mel sheds a few invisible tears. "Luke's constantly told me: you're not easy going, you're uptight, you're regimented… He hates me so much he's trying to find any reason to be mean, but the only thing I've done is not have feelings for him back." 

At which point I stand up and yell at the TV screen. It's not true! She's lying!

The room splits. The Mean Girls sharpen their knives. Others try to inject reason. A fight erupts.

"Do not sit there and let this boy take you down," says Brook. 

"You need to bring this shit up at the commitment ceremony," says Gia. 

"But what if he lies?" says Mel

Now I wonder if I'm high. Either that or I'm being fully gaslit.

Stella gently tries to hold space for both sides but Brook explodes, accusing her of not being "a girls' girl." What in the hypocrisy??

"Stella backs men more than she does women," Gia says, "and it's gross. Okay, we get that girls don't like you, I get that you have no friends."

Stella is made to apologise for absolutely nothing.

And again: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE????

Image: Nine.

The final word goes to Brook's newly unleashed alter ego. "I'm sick of being the Nice Girl," she says. "I see so much fakeness going around and I'm over it. And now… I feel like I'm on fire."

Okay, Maleficent, calm down. 

But you know what? Something about this turn feels off; too sharp and sudden. Because the Brook we've watched until now — the woman who calls out misogyny and refuses to parent a grown man — doesn't quite align with the chaos agent we're being served here. Which raises the uncomfortable possibility that either something significant has happened behind the scenes, or the edit is doing some especially heavy lifting.

So whether this is a genuine unmasking or a pressure-cooker fracture, I'm not convinced we're seeing the full picture — and that feels like a red flag in itself.

Join me next episode for… honestly, who knows. I need a drink.

Feature Image: Nine.