The subtleties on MAFS are the most terrifying.

As we've been watching Married At First Sight this year, we've been quick to call out the red flags displayed by certain contestants — in particular, the troubling displays of aggression this season. But there's an equally insidious form of control happening right under our noses that often flies under the radar.

While the experts have rightfully focused on the physical confrontations on this season of MAFS, namely Paul's unacceptable behaviour when he punched a hole through a door, there's another disturbing undercurrent playing out before our eyes — one that's harder to identify but just as damaging.

Let's talk about Adrian Araouzou's treatment of his on-screen wife, Awhina Rutene.

Watch Adrian and Awhina on MAFS. Article continues after video. 

The interrupting, the gaslighting, the double standards… the red flags are plenty. From the moment they were paired, viewers have witnessed a masterclass in subtle manipulation techniques that many might recognise from their own relationship experiences.

Every time Awhina attempts to express her feelings or concerns, Adrian interrupts her. It's become so blatant that even the experts have called him out for shutting her down when she tries to speak.

During family week, after the now-infamous blowup between their families, Adrian demonstrated his double standards with crystal clarity.

"I don't want to bring that up with anyone because our families were involved," he said to Awhina before the dinner party. Then, before the commitment ceremony, he doubled down: "I'm not going to touch on the family day at all. Family is the most important thing and those things should be kept private. You just don't talk about my family. It's that simple."

What makes this particularly manipulative is that just moments before telling Awhina to stay silent about the argument, he had freely discussed these very issues with the group himself.

Image: Nine. 

Expert John Aiken spotted it immediately: "This is the whole control element to what's going on in their relationship. 'What we can talk about, what we can't talk about.'"

"Adrian has one set of rules for himself and a different set for Awhina," Mel Schilling added.

And that's what it is: controlling behaviour.

It seems even those close to Adrian have begun to recognise these patterns. His former friend Jasmin Weston, who initially defended him on the show, has publicly switched sides, declaring herself 'team Awhina' and referencing "manipulation tactics" in an Instagram post.

During that same commitment ceremony, conversations took place that led many to believe that Awhina was scared to speak up when it came to Adrian.

Even fellow groom, Dave, chimed in to call out the behaviour.

"I'm not buying that," Dave said. "Look how hurt she is. She's hiding stuff deep down, and I can see it in her face. Let her tell how she really feels."

"She looks at you for permission to speak, mate."

Image: Nine. 

Awhina attempted to explain how she really felt when it came to expressing her emotions in front of Adrian.

"It's not that I feel like I need permission. It's that sometimes I feel like it'll cause a rift between us if I go into too much detail about certain things. And I don't want to hurt Adrian's feelings," Awhina responded.

Perhaps the most disheartening aspect of this whole exchange was watching the experts identify these red flags, only to seemingly ignore them when it came time for the commitment ceremony.

When it came time to hold Adrian accountable, what did they do? They turned their attention to Awhina, asking her what it was that she liked about Adrian. They implied that she was focusing too much on the negative — essentially gaslighting her in the same way Adrian's family had.

We also can't talk about subtle manipulation and overlooked red flags without mentioning Ryan and Jacqui. After the show began airing, Jacqui shared increasingly disturbing allegations about her on-screen husband Ryan on Instagram, claiming she suffered behind the scenes while producers allegedly refused to let her move rooms.

Image: Nine. 

"It was beyond normal, beyond okay," she wrote, revealing she often slept on the couch rather than share a bed with him. Even more concerning? During the couples swap, Beth caught a glimpse of Ryan's behaviour firsthand, seemingly substantiating Jacqui's claims.

"I'm not an anxious person, but I had so much anxiety," Beth told Yahoo Lifestyle about her time with Ryan.

"He just made me so uncomfortable and I just didn't want to be there. So it was actually worse than I expected because I thought I'd be able to handle it better, but I was just so overcome with anxiety that it was just awful."

The experts, who were supposedly there to spot red flags, remained silent about Ryan's patterns.

These quieter forms of manipulation might not generate the same headlines, but they represent the kind of everyday toxicity that can be just as harmful.

What makes these subtle red flags particularly dangerous is how easily they can be dismissed or excused. But make no mistake — they're early warning signs of a deeply concerning dynamic that deserves just as much attention as the more explosive moments that dominate our discussions about the show.

And perhaps that's the most terrifying part of all: how normal these behaviours can seem until the damage is already done.

Image: Nine.

Watching the experts identify toxic behaviour patterns when it suits the narrative, but then conveniently overlook them when it doesn't serve the drama, has been painful this season and every other. They'll call out certain red flags with dramatic concern while completely ignoring equally troubling patterns in other relationships.

These problems deserve attention. When they ask a clearly distressed participant to focus on positives rather than legitimate concerns, they're modelling precisely the kind of invalidation that only furthers the problem.

This subtle control is harder to name and therefore more difficult to resist. When the experts fail couples by reinforcing harmful dynamics under the guise of "expert advice," they're not just making bad television — they're normalising patterns that would raise red flags in any real-life setting.

The most red flags aren't the ones that necessarily make headlines — they're the quiet patterns we've been conditioned to accept as normal.

Feature Image: Nine.