Mamamia recaps MAFS: A Christian rapper, a boat doctor and our first villain.

When Andy Williams first sang "it's the most wonderful time of the year", there must've been some confusion, because he simply cannot have been referencing the hectic, performative, tension-riddled holiday season we call Christmas.

Instead, I believe he'd had a premonition of Januaries yet to come, and the equally hectic, performative, tension-riddled TV phenomenon we call Married At First Sight. And let us all rejoice, because Andy was right.

The launch of a brand-new season really is the best time of year: that blessed moment when we can finally sit back, relax, cast some major moral judgements and make fun of people we do not know. Oh — and celebrate love, obvs.

So welcome to MAFS 2026.

Watch the MAFS 2026 teaser trailer. Post continues below.

Let's dive straight in with episode one and the 18 people we'll be talking about almost exclusively for the next three months and beyond: our brides and grooms. Who will be the villains? The heroes? The Jeff-and-Rhi success story? Who's most likely to quit, cheat, or punch a wall? Place your bets now, people. The fun starts here.

Kicking off with the bucks party, we meet a chipper bunch of lads, only a few of whom are immediately spotlighted.

Doe-eyed Danny giddily throws compliments around as only a real estate agent can. David, the Christian rapper, makes a grand entrance to his own track 'Stylebender' (released under his artist name Kavelli, for those who need receipts), and a montage of church scenes and swaggering confidence informs us that he's a Playa and a Good Dude with Traditional Values.

Steve emerges as a genuine sweetie who looks like the diminutive lovechild of Sam Rockwell and Paddy Considine. He talks a lot about rejection, wants someone with shared interests, and generally just radiates sincerity. Bless his heart.

And then the Psycho-violins kick in and in struts Chris, bringing with him fatphobia, misogynistic comments and aggressive air quotes around the word "experts." Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first villain.

Image: Nine.

Over at the hens party, we meet Bec, whose kookiness is signalled by yet more chaotic string music and the fact that she desperately needs a wee. After fretting about whether she shaved the backs of her legs, the music softens into gentle piano as Bec reveals her sob story: she was once overweight.

"I just hope I'm everything he expects," she says of her mystery husband-to-be — which tells us two things. One: her self-esteem is already on the floor. Two: she absolutely must not be paired with Chris.

Rachel introduces herself via tales of 'situationship trauma' and a dating history in which no partner has ever been particularly nice to her. "Make me feel safe, make me feel seen, make me feel beautiful," she intones, as if praying to a merciful god. And honestly, I just want to run in there, pull her out, and take her to a therapist.

Let's all hope her arc this season involves learning how to do that for herself.

Our token #OlderWoman is Rebecca, whose fear that she needs to "tone it down a bit" because of her age is promptly validated when one of the other women tells her she looks like "the owner of this house." Sufficiently rattled, she stands up like everyone's mum, delivers a welcome speech, and then threatens certain death to anyone who comes near her man.

The Mad Lady Music returns for Gia's entrance, who appears on-screen for the very first time without a head — literally edited as a walking pair of giant boobs.

She describes herself as "spicy" and "crazy," insists she's "not a basic bitch," then immediately rolls out a grab-bag of clichés, including "Okay Karen" and "Why aren't you all getting f*cked up? It's a hens party!"

And with a few side-eyes and a few more overt statements, it's clear Gia and Bec are setting themselves up as the first rivalry of the season.

Image: Nine.

With the preliminaries over, we move on to the weddings.

Our first match is Rachel and Steve. Steve, we learn, is a doctor for boats who loves wielding an angle-grinder. What a package. The catch? He wants a woman just like his mum.

"You're my last baby," says the woman in question, before hastily reassuring us that while she and her son are close, they do not socialise together and he does, in fact, have friends. When she does his hair on the wedding morning, this feels like evidence to the contrary — but I'm reserving judgement, mainly because the ceremony that follows is genuinely lovely.

Steve arrives with a jaunty little gait, and before he even reaches the altar his mum is already in tears. Rachel then enters like Muriel Heslop, grinning wildly as if all her dreams have come true at once. She gets the giggles, it goes on for a while — and while the editing wants us to think this is weird and awkward, I think it's adorable and so does Steve's mum.

Understandably overwhelmed, Steve briefly dissociates in a corner while Rachel expresses disappointment that he hasn't yet told her she looks nice. For a moment, things feel shaky. But then — shock horror! — they find a quiet spot, communicate like emotionally literate adults, and smooth it out. Instantly, I love them both and only want good things for them forever and ever.

Image: Nine.

Next up: David the Rapper and Alissa, who introduces herself by announcing she's a pain in the arse. "You either love me or you don't," she says. "I'm not going to be liked by everyone." As I'm wondering why on earth she speaks about herself like this, her family arrives and straight up calls her crazy. "You'll need to put your seatbelt on," her mum warns. "She's a LOT of work." Mystery solved.

Alissa proceeds to demonstrate exactly what kind of high-maintenance nightmare she can be, but the show insists we understand she's actually a Good Girl. She's a nurse! She sings to kids! She strokes cats! She cries! Message received, producers.

Thankfully, her friends provide a more grounded counterpoint. They proudly call her a "hurricane" and a "force," bring her snacks, tell her she's safe, and back her completely — all of which I find extremely endearing. I like Alissa too, despite the fact that she keeps saying she wants a "daddy" (ick, ick, ick).

She talks openly about her period, calls out substandard watermelon, and seems more worried that she might not like her husband than the other way around. Much more reassuring than the cat thing.

At the altar, David's vibe remains… confusing. He wants a woman who's hot with a big booty (the booty's quality is also of critical concern to his friends), but also quiet, peaceful, and god-fearing. One can only assume his Traditional Values also include submissiveness.

So when Alissa greets him by demanding he get on his knees and propose properly before she'll say her vows, we know instantly: drama is incoming.

Image: Nine.

Make no mistake — this is a dick move.

Intentionally destabilising someone in this context is an unnecessary power play that's hard to watch. But Alissa is clearly hiding behind a toxic persona, one enthusiastically reinforced by her family. And isn't there something delicious about a woman unafraid to cause a little havoc? Her stunt could have been funny — a mad little tension-breaker. Instead, it backfires spectacularly. David's bewildered refusal leads to one of the most excruciating standoffs in recent MAFS memory, made hilariously worse when Alissa screams "Jesus Christ" in his face.

It takes actual begging from Alissa's heroic friends for David to relent. The damage feels done.

Except, somehow it isn't. Cute vows follow. They kiss with tongues. At the reception, despite the frosty disapproval of David's mates, he gives her the benefit of the doubt, she apologises, and equilibrium is temporarily restored. The added bonus of Alissa revealing she's also a Christian just about tips David over into ecstasy and seals the deal.

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By the end of episode one, I feel like I've been through the wringer. But there's no doubt we're off to a strong start, and I find myself liking both couples. After all, there's nothing more attractive than the ability to admit fault — and nothing more promising than an open mind. Plus, Alissa does the worm in her wedding dress. And truly, what more could you want?

Join me for episode two when we'll find out where our first two couples are going on honeymoon, and discover who our next matches are.

Can't wait!

Feature image: Supplied.