If a man identifies as 'nice'...run for the exit.

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There is nothing I detest more (well, not nothing but not a lot) than hearing a man say, "Nice guys finish last."

The dreaded phrase famously used by self-described 'nice guys' everywhere.

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but if a man is telling you that his only flaw when it comes to romance is that he's "too nice"… run.

And fast.

Exhibit A? Tim from this season's Married At First Sight. If you've been watching the show, you'll know exactly what I mean. We have been watching Tim declare himself "too nice" while simultaneously treating his TV wife Katie with all the warmth of a cold winter's day. Make it make sense.

"I'm a bit of a soft soul. I fear sometimes that I can be too much the nice guy. I'm hoping my wife will see that as a really good quality," we heard Tim say just before his wedding ceremony.

Watch Tim and Katie on Married At First Sight. Article continues below.

Now cast your mind back to the first episode, when the grooms gathered for drinks. Remember how Eliot's comments about potentially leaving if he wasn't physically attracted to his wife were met with collective eye-rolls and criticism from the other men?

And rightfully so, it's problematic.

Well, Tim sat amongst those men, nodding along as they criticised Eliot's shallow approach, later calling Eliot's views "controversial." But within a minute of meeting his own wife, Tim did exactly that.

While Katie beamed in her wedding dress, smiling from ear to ear and being, well… just a delight, Tim's first comment to the MAFS producers was *drumroll* about her physical appearance not meeting his expectations.

"What the f***," Tim is heard saying to a producer. "Totally not what I wanted. Not good."

"I normally go just short, petite, blond or brunette. Katie's… nothing I'd normally go for. Just no attraction, there's nothing there. I can tell straight away," he added, stating that he didn't want to be there anymore.

So is the 'nice guy' in the room with us, Tim?

Tim made it clear he was not attracted to Katie from the get go. Image: Nine. 

This is a man who waited until the cameras weren't rolling to wake his new bride up in the middle of the night to tell her he wasn't attracted to her. Who gaslit her, just hours earlier, when she asked if something was wrong at the wedding. Who has seemingly blamed his past failed relationships on him being "too nice" while displaying behaviour that was anything but.

Now, the 'nice guy' trope isn't new. It's the dating equivalent of "I'm not like other girls" — a red flag that should send you running in the other direction. Somehow, this seemingly harmless phrase has now morphed into a dating mantra for men which, if you think about it, is really implying that women are actively choosing to reject kindness or are somehow wrong for not appreciating them.

Here's the thing: No one is perfect. And it's not to say that any of these 'nice guys' haven't been wronged in the past. But, to me, the act of carving out your identity as a 'nice guy' is a big problem.

Because I have personally never heard an actual nice guy classify themselves as a 'nice guy' and use that as the sole reason why they have been unlucky in love. Actual nice people don't need to constantly remind others of their niceness. They're just nice. And they certainly don't use their supposed niceness as a weapon.

'Nice guys' so often weaponise their niceness. Image: Nine. 

What the famous 'nice guy' excuse lacks, in my opinion, is accountability and self-awareness. When these 'nice guys' experience rejection or relationship struggles, instead of looking inward — examining their behaviour, communication style, or expectations — they default to the easiest possible explanation: they're just 'too nice'.

It's a convenient shield, isn't it? Because being 'too nice' isn't really a flaw. It's actually a humblebrag dressed up as vulnerability.

In Tim's defence, I'm sure he's had his fair share of poor relationship experiences in the past and I have no doubt that he, like we all do, has the capacity to be nice. But maybe it's time to retire the 'nice guy' excuse and start doing the actual work of being nice.

To all the 'nice guys' out there: maybe it's time to consider that if you keep finishing last, it's not because you're too nice. Maybe it's because you're not actually being as nice as you think you are.

Feature Image: Nine.