OPINION: 'Australians might be ice-cold b*tches, actually.'

Sydney is a famously icy city. I was lucky enough to go to high school and university here, which means I automatically have access to lots of amazing friends on speed-dial.

But for those who move here, or perhaps evolve out of their old-times-sake friendships, Sydney-siders can be kinda cold.

I have heard from a range of people who moved to Sydney that it's notoriously difficult to "crack" the friendship circles here. People tend to stay in their lanes, keep their friends separate, and set strict boundaries that (actually seem to) scream "I'm better than you and also don't need you in my life!".

Dramatic? Maybe. Debate me in the comments.

Watch: What type of friend are you? Post continues after video.

If you're a Sydney-sider, then perhaps you think I am being dramatic. But in a recent TikTok video, English expat Layla Subritkzy asks the same question. Why won't anybody on the Gold Coast let her into their lives? Why do Australians gatekeep their friendships?

In the video, Layla reflects on how she never gets invited to anything by her Aussie friends, but they will still go to her events. It's a pattern she and her fellow English friends can't make sense of, leaving them asking, "are we just like… crap?".

In England, they'll make a new best friend in the club bathroom and invite them along to everything. New bestie! So what's going on here? Are Australians standoffish? Or worse, snobby?

At the time of writing, the TikTok video has been viewed 575,200 times, accrued over 33,000 likes and has almost 3000 comments.

In the comments, fellow TikTokkers suggest that if you didn't go to school in Australia, you're on the outer… forever. They note that the question "where did you go to school?" will still come up in your late 20s.

@laylasubritzky I need to find my people here, I just don’t get it 😂 🤷🏻‍♀️ Side note, watching this back I realise I’m sooooo expressive, probs why im never invited 😅 #australia #friendship #gatekeeping #expatlife #fyp ♬ original sound - laylasubritzky

Clearly, what Layla is saying has struck a cord. So what is up with us? ARE we gatekeeping our friendship circles, and if so, why?

Maybe it's Aussie Tall Poppy Syndrome. The theory being, we are so insecure about ourselves that we don't want to let somebody shiny and new into our lives, lest they be better than us (or date our ex-boyfriend, or something like that).

Maybe we're massively xenophobic — and can't be bothered getting to know someone with a different cultural upbringing (if England is even that different). Perhaps we're just bloody lazy, and can't be bothered getting to know new people.

But the gatekeeping of friendship circles benefits nobody, and creates an insular world where our worldview is constantly reinforced (never challenged) and there are limited opportunities to meet new people.

How are we meant to evolve and expand our worldview if we only ever socialise with the same people all the time? How boring.

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When I became single at 24 after a five-year relationship, it felt a bit like the world was ending. I had stopped meeting new people. Or at least, it wasn't happening very frequently.

In my early twenties at university, I met new people and made new friends all the time. Everyone was welcome! Somehow, the gates to new friends closed with that chapter. Birthday parties were routinely the same group of girls, with the occasional new work friend thrown in.

How was I meant to meet the love of my life if I was never meeting new people? A friend at the time joked I needed to move to Melbourne to meet a new pool of men, given my ex-boyfriend was friends with what seemed to be my entire dating pool.

Instead, I took it upon myself to shake things up. I moved into a share house with a now great friend, and we jumped on flatmates to fill the two extra rooms. We met so many new people, and had some truly iconic house parties.

It was through my housemate Louis that I met my husband, who had moved to Sydney from Adelaide. My husband often points out that most of his friends in Sydney (apart from those he has met through me) are fellow interstaters — the outsiders unite!

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Listen, I'm not saying you're an arsehole. I doubt you even notice yourself doing it. I'm guilty of it too! Although I do admit I try my best to bring new friends together.

Perhaps we could all be a little bit kinder, and a little bit softer, and just see what happens by inviting the girl from the pub bathroom to your next BBQ. (If your new best friend from England steals your boyfriend, I'm sorry! Truly!).

There is a stereotype that Australians are laid-back and easygoing, but perhaps we're not. Perhaps we're ice-cold bitches, actually. But we don't need to be.

Love you! Even those of you I met in club bathrooms!

This article was originally published in Ali's Substack A Little Bit Better and has been republished here with permission. You can also read Ali's updates on Instagram at @ali.ttlebitbetter.

Feature image: Instagram @alimoore_.