Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: No two people have ever wanted to hug less.

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Everyone is exhausted after all the yelling, including the yelling about the yelling, at the dinner party.

Tori and Jack debrief while his nipples are hanging out the side of his shirt. This is the double standard darling Lucinda Light was talking about the other day!

OH WTF.

Jack's been at the gym — that's not the WTF — and all the lifting heavy things and putting them back down again has inspired him to... write Tori a letter.

"Things I love about Tori," he begins.

"I love the way you make our bed."

"I love the way you put a grin on my head."

Omg it rhymes. And makes no actual sense.

Tori asks if he really wrote it and I truly believe him when he says he did.

YES I AM A HATER WHAT OF IT.

Speaking of haters!

Timothy and Lucinda Light aren't doing too hot. In fact, Lucinda Light reckons they're the weakest link.

I guess she doesn't know that Ben would've rather married his podcast.

Heading into the commitment ceremony, Ellie is feeling confused about Ben and Tim thinks he and Sara are like Shakespeare's characters.

Yes, he is aware that in most Shakespearean tragedies the characters die in the end. And he is concerned.

It's all very silly of him and yet still more poetic than Jack's little rhyme.

Nailed it buddy!

First on the couch is Ellie, Ben and his podcast.

Ellie recounts the multiple times Ben and his podcast hurt her feelings this week, including by telling her she was not their match.

John Aiken says this all sounds like Ben (and his podcast) don't want to be with Ellie, which Ben takes a really long time to answer.

I presume he was thinking about whether he could make this a podcast-exclusive thing. Really bring in those downloads, ya know?

Eventually, he says he's in and his actions were a stress response.

Andrea pipes up from the crowd, essentially saying Ben is insecure and putting Ellie down to make himself feel good and to drive poddy listeners.

Then everyone starts chiming in about how they don't buy Ben's responses to wanting kids, so he repeats the story about how his niece and nephew being naughty flicked on the paternal switch in his brain.

Lol ok sure

They chose to stay and John Aiken says they all want to see the authentic Ben next week. It's a silly request because THAT is definitely pod-exclusive.

Next up is Tori and Jack, which means sh*t-stirring Timothy is about to shine yet again.

Jack says Tori gave Timothy "a bit of a rub up" at the dinner party AND LET'S BE MORE INTENTIONAL IN OUR LANGUAGE PLEASE BECAUSE THAT HAS BURNED A VERY UNPLEASANT IMAGE INTO MY BRAIN.

Timothy has #noregrets.

Alessandra says they look real to her, and as the mastermind behind genital cupping, she would know.

Jack says he thinks Tori is a babe, and Tori thinks Jack is great and hot and "the perfect amount of dominant" and healthy and maybe even funny which is definitely the least likely of the list.

The entire group is... perturbed.

Not an ounce of belief between them

They stay, obviously, and Timothy is STILL hating. He is King of the Haters at this point and I have to respect it.

He and Lucinda Light are next on the couch and I'm excited because we're about to see Lucinda Light STEP IN HER POWER.

I don't know exactly what it means but "step into her power" sounds like something Lucinda Light would say and I am trying to do her proud.

She says she isn't interesting in "traversing and journeying alongside someone who is just so 'up you' to the world".

After weeks of the greatest patience ever shown on this damn show, she's spent this week observing whether this is even something she wants to be patient for.

Also, Timothy doesn't brush his teeth before bed.

He agrees he has walls up everywhere because "you don't want to get hurt, you don't want to be used and you don't want to be made out a fool".

He maybe shouldn't have signed up for MAFS in that case, but alas, here we are.

He thinks he's a "disaster", with "more baggage than Qantas". That's very sad but also clever and funny. The duality of man!

However, Lucinda Light wants to start throwing the baggage off the carousel, unzip the suitcase and rummage through everyone's sh*t.

It feels invasive but also fun.

Lucinda Light demands he makes some effort going forward, and they both choose to stay to continue to "tickle the potential".

We rapid-fire through everyone doing well.

Cass and Tristan have good hugs and are staying. Also, he drops the L word and precisely no one cares????????

Bruuuuutal hahahahahaha

Eden and Jayden adore each other and don't even think about him f***ing his ex-girlfriend's friend in front of her even a little bit anymore. They stay.

And Andrea and Richard are still horned up and want everyone to know about it. They also stay.

We go to Lauren and Jonathan, and Lauren is very aware that she's pushing Jono away with her body language and her uh, spoken language? But she can also recognise that he's great and nice and mature and very, very hot, so she would like to stop this pattern pls.

This is the kind of personal growth I watch this show for

Jonathan vows to give her better banter, and Lauren vows to focus more on him being great and nice and mature and very, very hot. And they stay.

Are we all in agreement that Lauren is great? Besides her nitpicking Jonathan for being nice, obviously. But she's very funny and obviously emotionally mature enough to know her faults and want to work on them.

On the other hand... Sara and Tim are last on the couch.

And I am VERY excited to see Mel get angry.

John Aiken is very impatient. He wants to get right into why they were both yelling at each other to stop yelling at each other at the dinner party.

Sara says she is embarrassed by their fight and apologises to the group for making a scene.

I THINK SHE IS FORGETTING TO APOLOGISE TO A KEY PERSON.

Bold move 

Sara says no, actually, she is not sorry to Tim because HE yelled at HER. It definitely wasn't the other way around despite the footage seen by 2.3 million Australians in which she definitely also yells at him. A lot.

OH MAN.

YOU KNOW THINGS ARE BAD WHEN JOHN AIKEN COCKS HIS HEAD TO ONE SIDE.

His favourite power move

Mel is like WELL ACTUALLY, Sara was so yelly that it shocked the experts, and they were around for the toilet brush incident so that feels like a big deal.

Sara says she didn't see her own behaviour for what it is and apologises to Tim.

And if you're wondering the genuine reasons she cancelled on him three times??????? 

1. She needed a mental health day (fair!) 

2. She was worried their groceries would go off (ummmmmmmm) and 

3. She was hungover (unfair! Order some Maccas and get on with it!)

Cass speaks up from the group to say Tim is a much warmer and bubblier personality when he's with the group and asks if he's AFRAID of Sara (fair!)

Sara tells her to shut up please (unfair!). And Tim says he is definitely hesitant when communicating with her. Because of all the yelling (fair!!!)

He wants her to make an effort and Sara says actually she doesn't like him enough to give up her girl's nights and hangovers yet.

So that bodes well.

Yet, Tim still sees potential.

Yeah exactly

And so does Sara, allegedly.

They stay and people start yelling for them to hug.

It is so awkward that I feel the need to get up and walk away from my screen.

See you (and darling Michael!) tomorrow.

Catch up on our MAFS recaps here:

• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Lucinda is the MAFS hero we need.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: One groom discovers that marrying a stranger is... a lot.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: We will not be listening to this man's podcast.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The season's most chaotic bride.
  
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: 'He's completely full of sh*t.'
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Jayden did WHAT with WHOM in front of WHOMST?
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: You can't just compare your new wife to your dog.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The award for worst performance in a reality TV show goes to...
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: THE GENITAL CUPPING IS HELPING NO ONE.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: Fake epiphanies, golden showers and cancelled dates.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: There is simply too much yelling about yelling.

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Nine.