The Twins recap Married at First Sight: 'You're the unhealthiest person I know.'

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Well.

Connie thinks that Jonethen has been “really neg” ever since he tried to break up with her for a number of valid reasons and she said no. 

At the Commitment Ceremony Jonethen decided to “Leave” the experiment but Connie announced through gritted teeth that, “We’re. Not. Finished. Our. PUZZLE. Yet,” so, yeah. Jonethen will be… staying. Indefinitely. 

“That’s all you’re doing! Throwing your neg at me!” Connie shouts and yes sweetie that tends to happen when people are trapped in relationships they’ve openly tried to escape. 

Speaking of neg, Cathy has come down with an illness and ffs this is honestly patient number 11.

But instead of practising social isolation, Cathy and Josh are using the kitchen where their food is prepared to have a conversation about the current state of their fake marriage. Cathy says she feels embarrassed and betrayed ever since Josh told the experts they’d probably be better as friends, and thinks it would be ‘mortifying’ to visit his family in Newcastle. 

Ultimately Josh convinces her that the homestay will be fun (it won’t) and she should give this phase of the experiment a chance (she shouldn’t). 

Oh.

It’s Lizzie. And her occupation is now listed as RETURNING MAFS BRIDE which, while true, feels… cruel. 

She’s having her first fight with Seb ever since he got mad that she wouldn’t drink water (??) and called her the unhealthiest person he’s ever met. 

Specifically, he said she didn’t eat vegetables and okay no. Your spouse might have a whole carton of Coke in the fridge but you never comment because you respect people’s Coke consumption because we’re all f*cking adults.

Lizzie tries to explain that this is a sensitive point for her given that her last fake husband fat-shamed her and Seb is really regretting the time he pretended to have watched the last season. Or any of this show at all. Because a) all of her insecurities are very out of context and b) he has no idea what is happening or why this person is in his house. 

To put her mind at ease, Seb organises a personal training session. He instructs Lizzie to wear activewear to which she responds with this ensemble:

Cool. 

It becomes abundantly clear that Seb is not a real personal trainer, but rather a boy who enjoys playing in the park sometimes. He runs Lizzie through some “drills” including rolling him over a few times and also playing tips neither of which target any specific muscle… groups.

But omg shut up immediately. 

KC has arrived at Drew’s house which he shares with his WIFE and we cannot WAIT until she comes home from the shops. 

Drew mumbles something about his housemate being “away” and yeah that’s because things get weird when you have your wife and your fake wife in the same room together everyone knows that. 

KC immediately notices all the toys, including an enormous teddy sitting on the lounge. She asks Drew where they came from and he insists he has no idea.

Okay, KC. We need you to listen to us very carefully. They belong to his children. Who he shares with his wife. 

She decides that it’s weird hanging out in a house with a bunch of bottles/sippy cups/used nappies that Drew can’t explain, so they go on a road trip to a waterfall where Drew’s wife would never think to look. KC thinks it’s all very romantic. 

Listen to our Married at First Sight recap podcast, where we say all the things we're not allowed to put in writing. Post continues below. 

It’s time for Michael’s home visit and Stacey says they’re a power couple everyone can look up to but no one is looking up to you not even a lil bit.

“I’m excited to see inside Michael’s home,” Stacey says. “Because he’s… how you say… rich as f*ck.”

Omg we almost forgot (we didn’t).

We’re given an extensive tour of Michael’s home, that starts to look like a Domain commercial, which we honestly appreciate. But when we get to the home cinema, Stacey has an issue. There are two chairs that look worn out, almost as though Michael knows/interacts/has spent time with people who aren’t her. 

Okay, pause. 

Firstly, Stacey, we think maybe the cheating allegations are starting to affect you, given you’re now jealous of a disembodied seat imprint, and secondly, who the hell cares lady he has a home cinema. 

As they keep exploring the house, Stacey continues to find shot glasses, which Michael insists are for ‘small drinks’.

Michael then suggests they go for a swim, but unfortunately, Stacey’s bathers were strategically removed from her suitcase in the middle of the night by an unidentified brunette expert (Trish. It was Trish). 

Luckily, Michael has a spare pair of women’s swimmers which he handily keeps in his ensuite and sir why??

Stacey yells that they’re both too big and too small AND full of chlamydia and can someone pls return this bikini to its rightful owner instead of shaming it for having STIs on national television.

Meanwhile, in Newcastle, Josh lives on a swamp like Shrek with his very own noble steed.

He takes Cathy on a picnic and she says that while she likes the swamp, she would appreciate if Shrek Josh could maybe avoid throwing her under the bus in public. For example, if he has an issue, she’d like if he could talk to her about it before announcing it in front of all their friends/family/Australia. 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about I promise ya,” Josh tells Cathy and we don’t… believe you.

Mostly because less than 10 minutes later you’re bitching to your mum about Cathy while she’s RIGHT THERE. 

Josh mentions that Cathy reacts to certain things in a different way to what he would, and he also thinks sometimes Cathy isn’t interested in what he has to say and dude why don't you just talk about Cathy behind her back like a normal person.

But Josh clearly got his misunderstanding of how to bitch about your spouse from his mum, who would also like to discuss Cathy's faults in front of her.

She says it was probably the 'three days of isolation' Cathy subjected Josh to that turned him off her and ffs speaking of isolation, Cathy shouldn't be here she’s spreading the mystery MAFS virus all over Newcastle. 

After visiting Josh’s family, the couple go to the beach which is awkward because Josh literally just did everything he explicitly promised he wouldn’t. 

Cathy suggests that maybe Josh’s mum, who has reprimanded her the last two times they’ve seen each other, and passive-aggressively referred to her as ‘Cath,’ might be harbouring some resentment. 

But Josh insists it’s Cathy who’s being resentful and Jesus can someone please cancel this marriage because it’s going around in circles and a fairly substantial Australian city is about to become unwell. 

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

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Catch up on all the recaps:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 21: The experts were just called out. Publicly.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 20. A very dramatic dinner party storm out.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 19: "I'm not attracted to you. Physically."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 18: Lizzie is back. And we have... concerns.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 17: Um. A couple was just forcibly removed from the experiment. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 16: That's the most messed up thing we've ever seen on TV.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 15: IT'S A GODDAMN CHEATIN' SCANDAL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 14: The fight that ruined David and Hayley.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 13: "I want to apologise to the gay community."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 12: The penis that broke a marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 11: Hayley and David are having 'unconventional sex'.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 10: The wrong bride just quit her marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 9: We need to talk about consent.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: A dinner party turns... violent. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: When sex is a very bad idea.