The Twins recap Married at First Sight: The experts have had it with Carolina.

March 5, 2022

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We open on Domenica and Jack bitching about Carolina in skincare masks and okay this is the marriage we’ve always wanted.

You see, Domenica thinks that Carolina is brutal and mean towards her husband. Unlike her. Who told friends, as well as national and international viewers, that her husband did a poo and didn’t flush the toilet two (2) times.

Meanwhile, Carolina and Dion are living separately, ever since Carolina dished out a series of criticisms about Dion’s soul.

“This is not what I came here for,” Dion says desperately, while living in a hotel on his own, unable to leave because John Aiken is standing at his door stroking a baton.

"Just doing some research."

March 5, 2022

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But tonight is the Commitment Ceremony.

"I just don’t rate Commitment Ceremonies," Mitch remarks and yeah well approximately one million Australians disagree with you. So.

He doesn’t see the experiment as benefiting his relationship, which is absolutely a true assessment of the current situation.

The couples begin to deliberate about their decisions, and Sam reflects that she’s remembered this week that she didn’t come here for a baby. She came here for a life partner. And while it’s lovely watching Al hit his milestones, she’s concerned they’re not at the same life stage.

"My parents thought it was kind of weird."

The men are also trying to make up their minds.

Dion says of Carolina, “it’s like… she’s upset she was matched with me” and sweetie. It’s not like she’s upset. She’s absolutely upset. Devastated. Disappointed but also infuriated. That’s why she keeps yelling that in your face.

Mitch explains to the guys that there are a few reasons he’s considering leaving, and, yeah, they’re all John Aiken.

"Yeah... hard to say."

As the couples enter the Commitment Ceremony, the experts announce that Jessica and Daniel have left the experiment. But John Aiken takes a deep breath, and even though his voice is shaking he says, "But we will not stop". As though he is doing something meaningful. With anyone’s time.

A few couples sit on the couch blah blah no one cares, but shut up it's Kate and Matt.

As they approach the experts, Matt tells the camera "I'm not going to stick around forever" as though that's some kind of... threat and in the background you can hear Kate muttering "thank f**k".

Matt tells the experts he bought Kate a perfume, and he can't understand why she doesn't love him yet even though he gave her a thing.

"What more could a woman want? Am I right John?"

John Aiken agrees. "HE'S GIVING YOU PERFUME AND YOU'RE REBUFFING IT," he yells at Kate, before warning her that if she doesn’t fall in love with this man right here, with chronic Twisties breath, then she’ll never find love. And with all due respect… maybe she just… doesn’t like this specific man… but would do better with, say, a different man. That she likes.

Kate chooses to leave, because she is a grown woman who has better things to do than stay fake married to a person she doesn’t like for entertainment purposes.

But Matt chooses to stay. Everyone applauds, and no this is not a time for celebration. It’s a time for mourning.

Mitch and Ella make their way to the couch and omg OK John Aiken already has beef with Mitch.

I watched it. On camera. With my friends (Mel and Alessandra).

He literally huffs as Mitch sits down, and Mel immediately asks what it is that he’s finding SO difficult about this experiment.

Mitch points to John Aiken, but then decides to use his words. It’s a toxic environment to pursue a relationship, he explains. And the cameras. They’re intrusive. They invade his space and he doesn’t enjoy it. This doesn’t feel like reality and tbh he quite likes Ella and (correctly) predicts the rest of the show will just be a series of attempts to break them. So.

"You’ve come into a really public experiment for someone who likes privacy," Mel says, as the other experts laugh and okay there’s this weird thing where people are allowed to change their minds?

That's on you xxx

"We’ve all definitely been in positions where we’re feeling uncomfortable," Sam calls out and THAT’S NOT OK THO. YOU PROBABLY ALSO SHOULDN’T BE HERE LADY IN THAT YOU DIDN’T CONSENT TO RAISING A YOUNG SON.

But John is really angry. Because people are criticising his experiment. Which he tried really hard on.

He’s panicking because if everyone leaves then he has no experiment. And then what will he do? With his days?

"COUPLES THRIVE AFTER THIS," he yells. "THEY’RE HAVING BABIES," and are they, John? Or is one? Which we personally attribute to pure chance?

They're totally impartial and they say it's a huge success.

Mitch and Ella ultimately decide to stay because John Aiken has employed security to guard all exits.

"The experiment is here to help, not to harm," John Aiken says with a smile and okay that is simply not a true statement.

Next up are Cody and Selina, and Mel asks how Selina feels about her husband.

She says she "respects" Cody, and he’s growing more on her every day and Mel is all like "you could be describing a cat" and who would say… that they respect a cat.

Wot.

Things get weird so we move on to Al and Sam.

Samantha explains that she’s strong and ambitious. She couldn’t bring Al to a work event because people would be like omg I didn’t know you had a baby and then she’d have to explain he’s her life partner before fastening his bonnet.

'Especially when I didn't know I was having an... Al.'

"I feel myself squishing my ambition and passion," Sam cries, as she gets flashbacks to teaching a man how to turn on a dishwasher that only has one button.

"I’m sorry if I haven’t been talking deep…" says Al and sweet baby boy this isn’t your fault, now go to bed the adults are having a conversation.

When it comes to the decisions, Al reveals that he has decided to stay. In bubble writing.

Sam, on the other hand, writes leave. Al is broken because he even did the hopping dance at the dinner party and he - like Matt - is all out of ideas.

We know sweetheart.

BUT SHUT UP IT’S TIME FOR CAROLINA AND DION.

Firstly, must Dion wear a jacket that says ‘Chateau Marmont’. Must he.

He tells the experts that this week has been "hurtful" which is the understatement of the season.

At one stage, he says, they had fun dancing, but then Carolina interrupts.

"I didn’t dance," she spits, while her head turns 360 degrees and she projectile vomits green. She tells the room that Dion danced and she simply laughed at him, because she was embarrassed.

"That’s awful," Alessandra gasps, while Mel explains that the way Carolina communicates is "disrespectful, rude and downright nasty at times".

'It's humiliating. For humanity.'

But, pause.

Because Sir John Aiken took notes.

"These are the reasons you said you can’t bond with Dion," he says, before reading his list and mate you had to write these down?? We could rattle these off easily???

Carolina tries to interrupt to simply explain that BREAKFAST IS HER FAVOURITE MEAL OF THE DAY and don’t you dare Carolina. Enough about breakfast.

Carolina pipes up again to remind everyone that she is Latina so that’s why she insults her husband’s soul, and Alessandra is all like "AS A LATINA WOMAN WE ARE FIESTY AND PASSIONATE, NEVER NASTY".

OK we feel like far more problematic things have been said and also done on this show but honestly each to their own. At this stage.

Appalling.

Carolina chooses to leave, and then Dion asks if maybe he can please change his answer from stay to leave. And we don’t know if you’re allowed to do that rules-wise so you’ll have to ask John Aiken.

John Aiken says no. So.

He has to stay. Even though Carolina is speaking in tongues which scares him late at night.

So you'll be staying xxx

That’s when Domenica pipes up and starts yelling at Carolina that she’s rude and disgusting etc. etc.

Carolina storms out because in her defence she’s trying to leave but John Aiken shan’t permit it, at which point Liv loses it at Domenica which is a plotline we were not anticipating.

She tells the camera that Domenica thinks she’s “queen B of this experiment” and we don’t know exactly what that means but please go on.

Dion then chases Carolina out and Domenica is about to slap Liv and the experts are satisfied.

Their job here is done.

UNTIL TOMORROW INGHT.

For more MAFS commentary and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

You can also listen to their comedy podcast, CANCELLED.

Read our previous recaps here:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 19: We have feedback about the cheating scandal.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 18: OK. So at this point people are just walking out.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 17: Why are the experts... gaslighting the women?

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 16: A perfectly engineered cheating scandal.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 15: "You couldn't script this sh*t."