Mamamia recaps MAFS: Did a man really just say THAT on national TV?

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Hello! We're back for more Married at First Sight and guess what? The men have never been worse! Shocking, I know.

I don't know about you but after that MAFS episode, I feel like I need to have 10 showers, bathe my brain in a bottle of Dettol and have several exorcisms.

Let's start with the good stuff:

Hot Dave immediately assures her "You're hilarious."

UMM, THIS IS ALL I'VE EVER WANTED IN A MAN. I LOVE THEM.

She then decides Hot Dave's ex is a barnacle-covered Loch Ness Monster named Olga. Jamie discusses whether she and Hot Dave have had The Sex.

To answer, she does some interpretative dance.

'When a mummy loch ness and a daddy loch ness fall in love…' Image: Nine.

I'm not sure Jamie understands sex. But don't worry, she figured it out: by the end of the episode, they have done the deed. Coconut waters for all!

Frenchie and Carina are making out in pools. That's their only contribution to this episode, and I'm not mad at it.

Despite having a huge fight, Awhina and Adrian are pretending everything is fine again. I'm sensing a pattern with this couple and it is NOT GREAT.

During the ex-files task, Awhina shares that she once 'cheated' on her ex by making out with a guy in a bar years ago.

As she literally just tries to explain what happened, he cuts her off. "There are NO excuses," Adrian rages. He rants in a confessional about her refusing to take accountability.

'You literally weren't even there, you weirdo.' Image: Nine.

You'd think she cheated on him?? Calm down. This dude is scary.

She asks if he has cheated and he says 'No' before she can finish the question. But then things get interesting.

In a confessional, a producer presses Adrian about whether he was 'honest', telling him 'I've seen your application.'

He mumbles some explanation that makes no sense. But the realit is, he cheated. He's a cheater.

Adrian then refuses to do the confession letter challenge. THIS MAN.

That's man math. Image: Nine.

He said he didn't want to share with her what he was thinking. "I didn't wanna do it…" he tells a producer, like a petulant teen being asked to share his Xbox with his sister.

He tells Awhina to, umm "Control your talking." Again, this man doesn't make sense. As a producer presses him, he grins like a super-villain.

And now the women are penning hate mail to their men.

Rhi writes Jeff a letter to share that being stuck with him has 'robbed' her of a true MAFS experience. Lol. But she then adds that she's now keen and wants him to try to 'unbutton her friendship pants.'

I can't take these exes-at-first-sight seriously!

In Jacqui's confession letter to Ryan, she says she's been reading self-development books since she was 10 (??) and says she demands her partner understands 'finance and investment.'

'And how about responding to my stock broker's calls??' Image: Nine.

Ryan is insulted by the weird theme of her confession letter. "It reads more like a profile… a resume," he said.

Umm, I truly hate to ever say this, but this man is right.

Jacqui can't believe him and calls his communication style 'toxic' and he storms off. Later in the ep, she hands him a book on building a 'strong financial future' and they are laughing like nothing happened.

This couple hurts my brain.

In more confusing developments, Tony says that his ex would take him to a 'tall restaurant' as a treat each year. In response, Dj Morena talks about her relationship trauma.

If this sounds insane, that's because it is. I've never been more confused by the editing of a reality TV show. What are these conversations even about?

'I simply will refuse to eat unless I'm 18 floors above.' Image:

British Billy refuses to do the photo ranking task, telling Sierah that he is only here 'for her' and this is obvy just included to make Jake's attempt look even worse…

And worse, it is!

Jake gives rather despicable critiques of all the women's looks: Jacqui has 'crazy eyes', Rhi has a 'lazy eye', Morena is 'too old', Carina 'knows' she's pretty, and Sierah's face screams 'I could stab you in your sleep'.

'Combs your hair for once then get back to me.' Image: Nine.

But the worst critique comes when he places Awhina's photo down and says "I'm not racist or nothing but I like Caucasian people, mostly."

Ash is left shook and so are we all.

On top of all that, he ranks Ash as fourth. "I wouldn't normally go for someone who looks like that… like her," he actually says in a confessional. Gross!

She tells him she was 'shocked' by all his insults about the other women. He gives that classic chestnut 'IT WAS A FUNNY JOKE. CAN'T YOU TAKE A FUNNY JOKE?? A JOKE THAT IS FUNNY??'

Then suddenly, Jake is the victim. "I'm done," he says, and breaks the fourth wall to wave at the camera.

Well, that was unnerving.

Tim has never been happier than this moment. Image: Nine.

The next day, Ash is freaking out that she visited Sierah's apartment the night before to share what Jake had said about her and the other women. I mean, is this that bad?? This is girlhood.

Sierah relays the info to British Billy and he's pissed.

"That's my missus, innit gov'na?" he probably says, before adding Jake "looks like Jeffrey Dahmer."

Woah. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but people are mean this season, hey.

The next episode is the first commitment ceremony and the experts are going to give Jake a lesson in 'thoughts that should be kept inside your head'.

Feature image: Nine.