Mamamia recaps MAFS: So many red flags, so little time.

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Hello there! We survived one whole week and we're back holding space for two more unhinged unique couples on Married at First Sight.

These final weddings are the MAFS equivalent of ending a spontaneous photoshoot by saying 'Now, let's do a silly one!'

And silliness was had!

Meet Tony, our oldest groom at 53, a Macedonian bloke getting married for the second time who misses his departed parents dearly.

He also has no clue how reality TV works and I love him for it.

'So you're telling me, the audience live INSIDE the camera.' Image: Nine.

"Can I talk?" he asks the crew. "I was going to make you a cup of tea?"

"Tony! We're not here!" the camera operator shouts back, as Tony taps the camera and whispers into the lens 'Do you take your tea black or white??'

He is looking for someone young at heart and what do you know? We've got Morena, a 57-year-old fitness instructor and DJ bride.

At least, she isn't an oddly erotic monkey. Image: Nine.

This Italian bride left a 'loveless' and emotionally abusive marriage and is ready for real love. She seems delightful.

Tony's family and friends come over to shave his face with a Macedonian axe as they get sloshed on rakija. What could go wrong?!

Nothing to see here, folks. Image: Nine.

If you didn't notice, this man's whole personality is being Macedonian. I will anoint him Mace-Tonian.

At their wedding, DJ Morena comes dressed as Plucka Duck's diva aunt, and Mace-Tonian is into it!

"I'm excited to marry this lady," he says. Ah yes, what every woman longs to hear.

They share sweet vows and he gifts her a family heirloom. "Your mum and dad are here, they're up there with my parents," she says in reply. OKAY, SOBBING.

They're a vibe.

DJ Morena, approved. Image: Nine.

At their reception, DJ Morena's kids give a touching speech and I'M NOT CRYING, I just have tears stuck in my eyes.

DJ Morena and Mac-Tonian are stoked with this match but his 'first cousin' (?!) Steven has decided his opinion is much more important.

"He's in his mid-50s… he looks really good," Steven says in a confessional. "I think he would look very charismatic with a younger woman."

Umm, those words don't make sense.

'I'm pretty sure I'd know.' Image: Nine.

Steven pulls his (first!) cousin aside to tell him all this nonsense. "You should have been awarded someone a bit more younger," Steven says. "How are you going to be able to deal with her?"

Yikessssssss.

"You're very hard on people," Mace-Tonian replies. "I'm enjoying the moment with her…. she's a beautiful woman."

DAMN RIGHT. Piss off Steven, these two are in love!! Think of the Macedonian and Italian feasts!

Moving on!

Jacqui is a former Miss New Zealand, model, tap dancer, ballerina, netball and basketball player, coach and umpire, hiker, corporate professional, marathon runner and reader of 2,000 books.

Noursous? Nawshus?? It's a hard word! Image: Nine.

She wants a 'real man' (not an imaginary one and/or ghost??) who can 'take the lead' in their relationship.

Meet Ryan: he's a weirdo, I mean warrior.

"Where are all the warriors, poets, knights?? Men without these roles have lost their way," he rambles.

This man actually says the funniest things.

"There's more to me than physicality," he teases. "I'm a project manager." The way I howled. A comedian!

He wants a woman 'in her feminine energy' who he can protect (just not from sharks!) but don't worry, she can have a career (look away, Incel-liot).

He says he is a 'mammal on a flying rock' and tbh, I started to dissociate as he continued to waffle senseless self-help nonsense.

'Do you see these enlarged pores? This is my Vietnam!' Image: Nine.

Jacqui and Ryan's shared trauma is that they were both bullied at high school like, umm… every other person on earth.

At their wedding, Ryan is excited to see da boyz!!

"Does he look bogan…" Jacqui's sister says as she glares at Ryan and his groomsmen.

'I wonder if they've even read a magazine…' Image: Nine.

Jacqui and Ryan meet.

Ryan reckons she's giving him great eye contact and is happy to be there.

Ryan is delusional.

He is thrilled with the match. She is not.

'He isn't even a little blonde, not even a frosted tip.' Image: Nine.

She hates that he is too short, isn't blonde, doesn't shave, doesn't work in an office, gives 'pre-planned compliments', and doesn't grab her hand to lead her down the aisle. The horror.

During their photoshoot, she complains about being cold. Ryan, in his removable suit jacket, doesn't see a solution.

She asks him several times for his jacket, but it doesn't penetrate his tiny manly mind.

That'll do it! Image: Nine.

"I hate seeing a woman cold!!" he vents in a confessional. Not a cold woman?? Nothing worse! But what can you do!!

As numbness takes over Jacqui's torso and she's about to bid farewell to this cruel, non-blonde world, he chivalrously gives her his jacket.

Jacqui still hates him.

*Says the woman who is DEFINITELY a natural blonde. Image: Nine.

At reception, Ryan is loving life and Jacqui is texting her divorce lawyer. Not really, but really. She still hates him and his staffy dog too.

"Owning a staffy is a huge red flag," she notes for no clear reason.

He continues winning her over by making sexist jokes in his wedding speech and randomly talking about sharks (again). But when he speaks about building resilience from past trauma, she finally connects to him.

Overall, he is smitten and she is learning to tolerate him. Love wins!

But wait…

During their first dance, he drops her on the floor like a bag of potatoes.

'YOU CAN TAKE MY BRIDE BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY FREEDOM.' Image: Nine.

The producer checks if she's concussed and Ryan is more concerned about the scene being cut.

"When I think about how many people might see it, I'm worried," he says. We get it, you're a worrier.

The episode ends with Ryan imploding about 'dropping his bride' and 'preserving her dignity.'

Sweetie, whose dignity??

Speaking of grooms without dignity, Incel-liot is back tomorrow to get into an argument with expert, Daddy John. Plus, Tim tries to play the victim at the first dinner party.

That's right, MAFS is back, baby!! I feel alive!!

READ NEXT: Here's what Eliot thinks of his fellow groom, Tim.

Feature image: Nine.