Mamamia recaps MAFS: These might be the worst final vows of all time.

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Hello! Hi! Hey! I don't want to get too nostalgic on you but this is the third last episode of Married at First Sight 2025.

It's almost over! What will become of me when MAFS isn't holding me hostage four nights a week? The horror.

And I don't know about you but I need a palate cleanser after having to endure Awhina dump Adrian only to beg him to take her back precisely 0.03 seconds later. Huge yikesaroo.

But thankfully, tonight is a little different.

Enter Carina and Paul, who get their final vows moment after we were truly hustled, scammed, bamboozled, hood winked and led astray by last night's cliffhanger.

Paul's vows are basically a listicle of all the awful things he has done to Carina. She knows! She was there!

He wants to win her back and does this by speaking French, but Carina is done with him.

If you've got to bring out the random French, you know it's dire. Image: Nine.

Carina shares how hurt she was by Paul, as she gets emotional when she tells him that he broke her trust too many times.

"You were given a test, which you failed. In my eyes, that was the final straw," she tells him.

"I can't be with someone who makes me feel like I'm not enough…. I was yours, you had me, and you ruined it."

WOOO HOOOO! Now that was a breakup speech! Carina did the damn thing!

'If only there was a cure for curiosity??' Image: Nine.

Paul is in shock, as he clearly assumed he could walk all over work things out with Carina again.

He asks if there's a chance she will forgive him in the future and she nods no. Carina walks off as Paul is left sobbing. I shower gleefully in his tears! (Too much?)

"Love shouldn't be this hard," Carina says in a confessional. Paul is left mumbling to the producers about Carina regretting her decision. Boy bye!

On to Jacqui and Ryan, a deeply unserious couple who we need right now.

They're gazing at their wall shrine while wearing matching outfits… for no clear reason. I love them.

These two are the embodiment of 'is somebody gonna match my freak?' Image: Nine.

They watch their wedding video and as Ryan thinks they're reliving happy memories, Jacqui is watching a horror movie.

"Is Ryan a good husband? Absolutely not," she reflects in a confessional." What's that? Some unsubtle foreshadowing? More on that later!

Rhi and Jeff, aka the only genuine couple on the show, prepare to say farewell as they separate for final vows.

They come back together and decide they're better just staying friend-with-benefits and mutually dump each other.

Just kidding! They're in love! Rhiff 4EVA! They're soul mates! Even their vows were almost identical!

Aligned! Image: Nine.

"With high risk comes high reward," Jeff tells Rhi. "The reward is you."

Okay, I'm definitely not crying into my laptop right now.

He promises to steam her dresses and cook her meals. This is literally ALL we want, gents. Take note.

"Rhi, I am falling in love with you. I choose you and I hope this is forever."

Rhi returns the sentiments. "You are worth every day, every week, every month to discover our happily ever after," she said.

"Right now I can say, I'm falling in love with you."

They're a perfect match! We love love!

'Let's not get crazy now…' Image: Nine.

Back with Jacq Jacq Jacqui, she is already over Ryan. "I don't want him here, I'm happier alone," she reflects. Lol. That was fast.

Meanwhile, Ryan is cleaning out a drawer of his home so Jacqui can move into his man cave and adopt his dog, Freya.

Jacqui is penning a manifesto to read to him as Ryan meets up with those friends (Adam and Karla) who hate her. He doesn't have a bad word to say about Jacqui, and I'm sorry, but it's giving delusional.

THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN WHO JUST GAVE OUT HER NUMBER TO A ROSY-CHEEKED MAN NAMED RORY.

The friends aren't buying it cos, well… as mentioned, they hate her. Ryan starts to reconsider their relationship.

In his final vows, Ryan starts on a silly note, giggling to himself but Jacqui doesn't really pay attention.

He makes a lot of jokes at her expense, says he 'likes their sexy time' (gross!) and mocks her throughout. It's interesting, hey!

The lights are on but Jacqui isn't home. Image: Nine.

Like, I know the show is making out like Jacqui is some evil entity, but it's worth noting that even Ryan's more positive sentiments about Jacqui came with a layer of condescension and belittling. Just a thought!

Ryan's tone shifts as he points out how Jacqui has been critical of him and disrespected him by giving out her number. He gets teary as he tells her "I will be walking out on this relationship."

Cya!

The sassy violins begin and so does Jacqui's reply. She goes IN on him, as she highlights his lack of effort, romance and communication.

"I'm not a rehabilitation centre," she says, as he scoffs.

They'll always have their heart wall shrine. Image: Nine.

She goes on to say the way he 'controls the people and animals you love scares me' which is… yikes.

She saves her best line for the end: "Ryan, in a world of reg flags, you are the red carpet."

Look Jacqui, you did your best, but this really is a confusing metaphor, as a red carpet is a generally aspirational concept. But good try! It was a fun speech!

She ends with a line about how his 'biceps will never get her pregnant' that makes absolutely no sense… unless you know that there was a huge argument that unfolded on their honeymoon about this, which was edited out.

To be clear: it's weird to keep this line in without airing that scene. The only thing it does is make Jacqui seem even more unhinged which I guess is the point of this whole episode. Anyways, they're done!

"Goodbye and thanks for all the criticism," Ryan says. Coincidentally, that's what I say to my therapist at the end of every session.

Ryan isn't finished. "Be gone with you!" he shouts like a 16th century fishmonger who got hornswoggled out of a shilling. That's one way to handle rejection!

It's very funny! I plan to use it in my everyday vernacular.

'Just call me Gone Girl 'cos I'm out of here.' Image: Nine.

Jacqui walks off into a forest, making some vague comments about how she's going to meet the right person soon. Who could that be? Perhaps, a mysterious man playing golf named Clint?

Yes, it's a mysterious man playing golf named Clint.

More on that on Sunday's reunion aka the most dramatic MAFS episode every season. I feel alive! Let's go!

Feature image: Nine.