Mamamia recaps MAFS: The final commitment ceremony will make you scream.

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After eight weeks of this absolute sh*tshow experiment, it's the final Married at First Sight commitment ceremony! Yahoo!

It's time to practice your listening face and do some nodding exercises as this is the last time the experts will offer advice to the brides and grooms in this particular setting.

Beth and Teejay are still on rocky ground. "I don't like her any less!" he announces in a confessional. I really don't know what that means, darling.

Beth is still clinging to the fact that Teejay initiated intimacy with her as a sign he's interested. Bit grim, love.

Jacqui believes her relationship is still a relationship. Ryan is jotting down a goal to 'learn new skills' in his notepad, and the first one should be 'learn how to break up better'.

Sounds like classic 'warrior' behaviour to me. Image: Nine.

Ryan is shown writing 'leave' on his card and rude! Spoilers!

I'll hop into their couch session because, oh boy, it was dark. Immediately, Jacqui gets the giggles as Ryan opens up about his personal insecurities. John scolds her for it.

Ryan speaks about his 'vision board' in his home that Jacqui wrote on, which is, umm, definitely just a blank whiteboard.

Jacqui says she's made compromises in their relationship: listing how she's not allowed to wake up early or has to tolerate him not washing the dishes. These are all legitimate concerns about controlling behaviour, but everyone laughs and rolls their eyes at her.

Hmmmm. Okay.

John says her issues are too 'niche' and Jacqui bursts into tears. Bloody hell. This is a cry for help, if I ever saw one.

I can't even make a silly joke about this because it feels so dark. Image: Nine.

Jacqui tells the experts she values 'not being yelled at' and, again, no one bats an eye. I'm pretty horrified no one is catching these red flags as she once again mentions times when Ryan 'scolded' her and she was 'told what to do'.

Yes, it's annoying Jacqui keeps bringing the topic back to how she feels, but I also think it's weird the experts keep dismissing her feelings entirely.

Alessandra brings up the 'why don't you want to be great' comment from the dinner party, and Jacqui gives him a bizarre hug.

As we know, Ryan voted leave, but Jacqui chose to stay, which baffles him. Everyone is confused.

That's what I'm confused about, anyways. Just me?? Image: Nine.

John asks if she thinks they're worth fighting for, and she says "Ryan is worth fighting for."

It's all very strange. Jacqui tells Ryan he can leave if he wants and they plan to talk about it later.

Will they do final vows? I really hope not! These two bring out the worst in each other.

On to some happier news, Dave and Jamie rave about their week together. He says that his 'feelings have grown' for Jamie, but did add they're still not as strong as hers.

But uh oh! Jamie is now questioning her feelings! She announces she's no longer in love with Dave.

Is this something you can take backsies? John tells them they have lost their chemistry and tells Dave he needs to sort himself out to reassure Jamie.

'That's $400 worth of sorry-I-don't-love-you perfume I want back.' Image: Nine.

After this kick in the butt, Dave's demeanour oddly shifts.

"I could see it happening," he tells Jamie. "One day, I could fall in love with you."

Okay, that's encouraging. They're both staying for final vows.

Rhi and Jeff bless the couch with a functional couple, announcing that Jeff gave Rhi a key to his home.

They agree they're 'on their way' to falling in love with each other. Cuties!

We know, we know, you're better than us. Image: Nine.

Teejay looks visibly uncomfortable as he discusses Beth on the couch. He speaks about a 'connection issue' with Beth as if this living, breathing woman is a troublesome Wi-Fi modem.

Beth says she thinks something shifted after they were intimate. "I don't know where it went wrong?" she asks.

"I don't not enjoy my time with you," he replies. Oh, good. We are speaking in riddles again.

Alessandra lays into Teejay as he waffles about a lack of connection. She kinda… hates him, right? There's a definite vibe between them and it's not good.

'Surely, The Golden Bachelor needs a sexpert on the payroll??' Image: Nine.

John has had enough of the word salad. "Are you just not that into her?" he asks.

Okay, John just stole my line and he also proved I'm qualified to be an expert so please finally return my emails, J-man.

Let's be real: Teejay ain't keen and he was never that keen. Teejay tries to leave but Beth stays???

"Ahhh," John awkwardly replies. Ahhh, indeed.

Beth becomes emotional discussing how she feels and Teejay zones out. Teejay's soul and spirit have left the building.

'Did your connection short circuit, darling?' Image: Nine.

These two have no right going to final vows lmao and neither do Jacqui and Ryan, but umm… I guess that's showbiz, baby.

Adrian says he has no plans to relocate to Perth to live with Awhina and her son. Sounds about right.

But they ain't worried about it 'cos they ain't talking about it. "We both know we're fine with it," Adrian says, as Awhina's self-elected spokesperson.

'I speak for her because I respect her so much!' Image: Nine.

Awhina has caught Adrian's virus. It's called delusion-itis. They think they're thriving and are heading into final vows.

I'm at peace with it. Okay! Have fun!

Carina and Paul have overcome their many (and I mean, many) issues and are stronger than ever.

They both have growing 'feelings' for each other and Carina is happy Paul is open to embracing her religious traditions. Lovely!

They're staying together for final vows! You'd hope so!

But jokes on y'all, it isn't final vows, a brand-new twist is coming that involves a bunch of randos being brought in.

I have no idea what's happening and I'm okay with that aka my 2025 MAFS mantra. Bring on the mess!

Feature image: Nine.