Mamamia recaps MAFS: The horrors persist (but so do Jamie and Dave).

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It's time for Married at First Sight's Tuesday episode, which, based on my research*, I've decided is the dullest episode of the week. (*My research is watching tonight's ep.)

Jamie is left sobbing in the aftermath of her lunch with her sister Georgia, who reminded her that she has a history of dating men who don't show up for her.

She meets up with Dave to tell him she doesn't feel like there's any desire from him to want to be with her. He keeps saying he 'cares' about her, but not much else. Still, he agrees to 'romance' her more, so Jamie is happy.

They kiss, and he moves in with Jamie. They cuddle in bed and we're so back!

Dave brings Jamie to visit his family, including his father, Howard. Howard wasn't able attend the couple's wedding earlier in the season because he was undergoing cancer treatment, but during the visit, he gives Dave an update on his health, and it's good news — two of his tumours have shrunk, and the third is gone.

Oh my God. This feels way too real to be included in a MAFS ep, but it's lovely all the same.

The whole family quickly falls in love with Jamie. Obviously!

She got you there! Image: Nine.

But I feel better about this couple! They are acting like their old selves and enjoying each other's company again. I'm still not entirely convinced by Dave's intentions, but I'm holding out hope for these two.

And guess what? We need them! They're one of the few stable couples we have left.

Speaking of…

Jacqui has been abducted by Ryan and forced to live in his hideous dungeon of doom, aka his actually-quite-spacious unit in Western Sydney.

A sign that reads 'Welcome' hangs on the door, and 'Home' is written on the doormat. Get it?? Get it??

Ryan has decorated his home with random skulls, a wolf painting and a sword, just in case you happened to forget that a MANLY MASCULINE MAN inhabits these dwellings. He keeps trinkets from different countries, which is something I also did (when I was 19), and Jacqui is a huge fan of all of it.

"It reminds me of the elderly," she sobs, suggesting that all the stuff he collects is a symbol of his loneliness and isolation. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch, Jacqui.

'Why is Jacqui crying now' is my new fave game. Image: Nine.

She writes on his white board (yes, he has a white board in his home??) a list of Ryan's goals and things to do. The list includes 'pat Freya and let her inside', and 'brush Freya', which, umm, says a lot about his treatment of his dog. Yikes.

The bickering continues when Jacqui wants him to take his sword somewhere else and no, that isn't a sexual innuendo. She literally wants him to relocate his sword.

They take Freya for a walk and Ryan instructs Jacqui how to steer the dog. These two are exhausting! Somebody think of poor Freya!

'Who will get the sword in the split??' Image: Nine.

As if the mood could get any worse, Jacqui and Ryan bring their loved ones together. What could go wrong?? Awhina might have some ideas!

Ryan's friend Karla brings up the 'appalling' letter that Jacqui wrote to him during feedback week. To her credit, Jacqui remains quite calm and level-headed as she explains her side.

Karla tells Jacqui to not 'look away when I'm talking to ya!'

The tensions escalates as Adam and Karla lay into Jacqui. They shout at her because she rolls her eyes. Adam says that Ryan has been 'jibbed of this experiment by being with you'. It's a lot!

'I'll write it on Ryan's white board.' Image: Nine.

With friends like this, I'm starting to understand why Ryan is the way that he is. Jacqui sobs to her friend, who has made the genius decision to not speak the entire day.

Cleo tells Adrian that he got her mum's approval, and he starts making plans for post-MAFS. Whatever! Moving on!

Rhi arrives at Jeff's home; a home she has been in before. "Welcome, ugh… again," he says, as Rhi admits she's never been to his house during the day. It does make her sound like a vampire, but I think she just means they only had a sexual relationship prior to MAFS. Bit saucy!

He gives her a key to his place, and in a confessional, Jeff admits he's 'falling' for Rhi.

Moving on to Teejay and Beth, she thinks they're doing better after he initiated intimacy. Over a roast lunch, Beth's best friend Darcy isn't buying Teejay's spiel about how he feels for Beth.

He questions why he keeps referring to 'caring' about his 'friendship' with Beth. "I care about my dog," he snipes. OMG DRAG HIM. GET HIM, DARCY.

Darcy came to serve dramatic looks and eat lunch and he's all out of lunch. Image: Nine.

In a separate convo, Darcy tells Beth that he thinks Teejay's responses seem 'rehearsed'.

This is the kind of friend that every girl needs. A savage truth-teller.

At another lunch with Teejay's friends, he tells the group that there's 'something lacking' in his relationship with Beth, and that it's making him question their relationship. Ugh, be nice if you told your wife that first, buddy.

With Beth away from the table, Teejay essentially tells his friends he's done with her. Back with Beth, he claims he's been 'transparent' about his feelings. You sure, babe?

Beth is confused about why he initiated intimacy if he's not sure about their relationship. "You wanted to sleep together!" he actually says in reply. OMG, even the good men on this show are the worst.

She regrets bringing him to meet his family. I feel bad for Beth, but if he's not feeling it, Teejay should be able to share that.

But apparently not, because he's set to be dragged over the coals at tomorrow's dinner party. Clearly, the show has run out of villains to torment. Fun!

Feature image: Nine.