Mamamia recaps MAFS: This isn't the man Jamie fell in love with.

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Hello! Hi! Hollaback girl! Married at First Sight is here, and that commitment ceremony served up some harsh truths for our contestants (aka Paul and Dave).

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Paul is still swimming in a river called De-Nile over what he did to Carina. "It's being turned around like it's all about you and how you feel!" he whinges to her.

Oh my God. There is no helping this sad little French man.

Jamie is weighing up skipping the commitment ceremony entirely. She meets with Dave, and he lays all the blame on her, accusing her of speaking to him rudely at the dinner party.

The delusions of this man!

'I'm also the victim because when I shattered your heart, I got a little ouchy cut on my thumb.' Image: Nine.

She questions why he said he would fight for her last night. "Was that to look like a hero for a minute?" she asks.

These two aren't getting anywhere. He walks out. Jamie starts packing his stuff. She announces she will vote 'leave'. This is so intense!

Let's skip straight to their couch time.

Jamie relays their hot mess of a MAFS week to the experts, and the altercation that morning.

The experts question Dave's change of demeanour towards Jamie. He gives nothing back.

"It's not like I don't like having sex with her!" he actually says, before he adds that he 'thinks' he has romantic feelings for Jamie.

Could you not! Image: Nine.

Jamie asks him to convince her their relationship isn't fake. He says nothing.

John tells Dave he's acting 'disconnected, detached and uncaring'. He says his walls have gone up and that he mishandled the situation. You think?

Okay, the vibe is off. Literally everything Dave says at this point sounds like lies, and I'm pretty sure he's dead inside. I'm concerned.

But Dave promises to 'get out of his own head' and do better. He votes to stay. Jamie says, "I don't believe you," but agrees to stay also.

She's got a point. Would you believe this man?

His face is painting a different picture. Image: Nine.

"I'll humour him with another week," she smirks. That's my dating mantra too, Jamie. Twinsies!

I'll jump into Paul/Carina next. In front of the experts and the whole group, he repeats the words that Carina shared about Awhina's sister. Lol. Okay!

NOT MAKING IT BETTER, BUDDY.

She tells the experts that Paul telling Awhina that was a 'punch to the heart'.

Alessandra says exactly what we're all thinking: if Paul wanted to use an example of Carina being a 'snob', maybe don't use that one, you absolute weirdo.

"Why did you tell Awhina that at all?" she asks. "There's a sensitivity chip missing." She says he should have just told his wife how he feels without involving Awhina. Hard agree!

Paul can't compute what anyone is saying. He whispers "sorry", but it ain't convincing at all. Carina admits she is questioning their compatibility, but she still chooses to stay, as does Paul.

Pete would NEVER do this to Kim. Image: Nine.

On the flip-side, Awhina and Adrian are… thriving? My lord, this show moves fast. Suddenly, they're the strongest couple in the experiment.

I don't know how I feel about it, and I still don't trust Adrian. But guess what? We have worse men right now to deal with (an ancient MAFS proverb).

Eliot and Veronica head into battle.

"It's obvious that… my wife hates me," he said ahead of the CC. I'm sorry, but I burst into laughter.

Eliot is the greatest comedian of our time!

Veronica admits that Eliot has made her 'lose her mind' and accuses him of faking a 'persona' in front of the group. "Who is this?" she mocks.

'Does she want, umm… a bottle of water for the table? I think so.' Image: Nine.

He denies everything and she laughs in his face. Eliot tries to get the group to back him up. Adrian says that Veronica acts differently at the dinner parties.

"We actually don't know you," he says.

Meanwhile, Rhi says she had a 'great time' with Eliot because he gave her a bowl of fruit and played a card game with her.

The standards for men? They're on the floor.

Also Rhi spent three days with Eliot. Calm down, girl. That's not the same.

Veronica complains that she's never been asked to play card games. The way I can't think of anything worse than a man explaining a card game to me. The horror.

The group kinda heckles and gaslights Veronica, and John gets all Oprah Winfrey to ask: "What is the truth?"

Eliot says he thinks she "hates his guts" and she pulls a page out of Dave's handbook.

I don't think this should be your Miss Universe winner's speech. Image: Nine.

They both vote to leave. John takes the chance to heap praise on Eliot and ignore Veronica, which is definitely a choice!

That said, I will miss Eliot. He is probably one of the most unique MAFS men of all time. I don't understand him in any way, but that perfect hair had me mesmerised.

Ryan accuses Jacqui of 'character assassination' and says that conversations with her feel like a 'university debate'.

He brings up the stay-at-home-dad question. She says that she simply wants equality in her relationships. Thankfully, Mel backs her up.

In a breakthrough moment, Ryan admits he felt 'inadequate' at times in their relationship. She hugs him, and suddenly, all is right in the world. Alrighty!

'I'm happy to process that feedback in the next 7-10 working days.' Image: Nine.

Beth tells Teejay that she suspects he's no longer attracted to her, because their intimacy has dwindled. I'm not entirely convinced by his response, but they're staying together.

Rhi and Jeff are also sticking around. They both note that they're already thinking about their post-MAFS relationship. It's a bit cute!

They are the only couple worth rooting for these days — a daunting revelation that makes me question everything I know.

And that's it! We got through it… barely! Next episode, the couples are heading to their hometowns to meet each other's families.

Which Dave will we get? Normal Dave, or this bizarre dark passenger taking hold of his body? Tune in to find out!

Feature image: Nine.