Mamamia recaps MAFS: One bride leaves, two cry, and another eats some humble pie.

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Gather round, my closest friends and confidantes. Tonight's Married at First Sight got rather intense! Like, I'm feeling feelings that I shouldn't be feeling from a TV show, but that's something to take up with my psychologist next Tuesday.

Reminder: we left off with Jamie yelling at Carina, telling her she's stupid as Carina cried over feeling stupid. Reminder: this made us feel sad!

Back to now: Jamie has decided that Carina is not her friend anymore. She's clinging to the 'mean girl' comment, ignoring literally everything else Carina said all night.

Jamie makes some weirdly threatening comments about how 'ruthless' she plans to be now towards Carina, and hmm, let's remember this!!

On the other end of the friendship spectrum, Jamie bullied got an apology out of Rhi, so they're all fine. BFFs 4EVA! Girl power! Divaship! Fronds 'til the end!

'That's just the rules of feminism!' Image: Nine.

The commitment ceremony begins and I'm going to skip straight to the Carina and Jamie stuff.

Carina is asked about the feud with Jamie and says that she found herself in a 'mean girl environment.'

Jamie pipes up, beating the same drum that Carina is illogical. Jamie goes on to say she has defended Carina and Paul, and Carina replies "When?", a question Jamie curiously can't answer.

"Last night, I felt like I was cornered," Carina tells the experts. "I felt less worthy and like I'm not intelligent enough." It's really sad!

She breaks down and I really wish they would have brought Jamie on the couch at this moment?? Anyways, Mel congratulates Carina for being courageous enough to 'go against the group'.

Jamie and Hot Dave plonk down on the couch. "I know I'm in trouble," Jamie begins. She opens up about feeling 'humiliated' when her friends didn't stand up with her with Lauren.

She says she found this upsetting because she is the protective 'mumma bear' of the group, but Alessandra ain't having this motherly depiction Jamie is painting for herself.

"People need to be able to have differing opinions," Alessandra says, suggesting Jamie was projecting her anger about Lauren onto Carina. In Jamie's words, bingo!

'You know, mumma bear stuff!' Image: Nine.

Jamie admits she feels embarrassed and like she's let Dave down. "I could have processed the hurt in a healthy way, it came out in a nasty way," she says, before turning to Carina to apologise.

"The things I said to you were unacceptable. My behaviour was unacceptable."

The apology does feel genuine BUT it is worth remembering that prior to being held accountable by the experts, Jamie expressed zero remorse for her behaviour. This attitude whiplash could be that Jamie has suddenly taken accountability…. or she's just apologised to appease the experts.

Either way, she's clearly been dealt a slice of humble pie and she took it like a champ, chomping it down with a glass of coconut water.

Their couch sesh ends on a weird note with Jamie admitting she told Hot Dave she loves him, but he hasn't said it back.

When pressed on where he's at, Dave's response is odd and evasive. Jamie talks for him, but he looks unsure. Uh oh! I don't have a good feeling!

'I heard they're going to the zoo?? Sounds more fun than here.' Image: Nine.

In a very tense scene, Lauren/Clint roll into the commitment ceremony at the last minute. Hot Dave gave them a standing ovation. He then heckles them both. "Where were you last night? Why are you here now?"

Hot Dave is kinda messy sometimes, and I don't know how I feel about this.

They try to explain why they had their own private dinner party, and the group continues to berate them, including Adrian just not shutting up at any stage.

Lauren suddenly said something that did make me giggle and kick my feet: "I'm sure you don't get invited to a lot of parties, Adrian."

'Like like, I'm a big party people person 'cos I don't need an invite, I just show up with DA BOYZ.' Image: Nine.

As Jamie gets offended when Lauren says she 'flaps her mouth', they get quite nasty. Clint even tells Jamie to "shut the f**k up for once." Woah. Not okay!

Jeff jumps in to say… something! Words definitely came out of his mouth, I know that to be true.

Lauren calls them 'boganic' and asks for a 'curtain to be pulled across' to separate the couple. John tells Lauren that she acts like she's better than everyone else.

Adrian then says something and I am filled with rage. No one wants your opinion!

Lauren gives a little sob story to defend her bad behaviour and Mel calls it out for not making much sense.

'Stop being poor!' Image: Nine.

Clint says their relationship is still stuck in the friendship zone. Ryan and Adrian jump in to tell him how much Lauren is clearly repulsed by him. Thanks, guys!

Everyone 'feels so sorry for Clint'. I dunno, I don't want to defend Lauren, but is it her fault if she's just not into him? Like, what exactly has she done wrong here?

She tells the experts 'it's just not there' between them.

As she votes to leave, she sends the other contestants a message.

Me when I find out the meerkat enclosure is closed for the day. Image: Nine.

Everyone is horrified by this message. Is this that bad?? Idk, everyone is just easily outraged tonight and I think if a bunch of people shouted at me for an hour, I'd prob also feel like I'm in a zoo.

Clint leaves too, promising to invite Lauren to his home in Tasmania. These two will never speak to each other again. They literally walk off the premises, ignoring John's plea to stay.

Anyways, I feel weird about that whole scene. In other seasons, I've seen the way the contestants unite together with a gang mentality, but their target usually feels more deserved.

Lauren is just sitting there in her double denim calling them all bogans and zoo animals. She's hardly the worst person who's ever been on MAFS. Let her live??

I'll miss Lauren, Clint and Clint's money.

Who will I not miss? Awhina and this new version of Adrian. They're in a 'great place', they're 'making plans', and they 'want to spend time together'.

I LITERALLY COULDN'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING LESS. GOODBYE!

Pls MAFS gods, send Awhina to Hot Dave. Image: Nine.

Back with a couple I actually weirdly enjoy watching, Jacqui tells the experts how Ryan won't waste his testosterone on sex, instead saving it like Pokemon cards for the gym and umm, dinner parties. That's just not how testosterone works!

Alessandra says what we should have all been thinking: "Why were you not just pleasuring her?"

This man has never thought about women's pleasure in his whole life.

'Sounds like none of my business!' Image: Nine.

We then see some pretty huge flags from Ryan, as he shuts Jacqui down every time she tries to share her perspective.

"I need you to think more carefully," he tells this woman with more intelligence in her left thumb than his entire body.

"I'm getting uncomfortable with the way you're talking to her," John rightly jumps in, saying he talks to her like she's "a little, school girl." Ooft! It's sad but so true.

His response? Ryan denies, apologises, denies, apologises. Rinse and repeat.

I'm just going to leave this image of Jacqui here because it speaks volumes.

A woman at the end of her rope. Image: Nine.

She sobs that she feels 'hopeless' in their relationship. This is a loaded word to use when describing a relationship. This is a cry for help. I wish the experts noticed.

Finally, we have the couples no one cares about! You know it's true!

Intruders Teejay and Beth are on the rocks as their physical connection has dwindled. But they're staying another week!

Veronica admits she's been holding back with Eliot as she doesn't feel comfortable enough to be herself.

This is played off as some deceptive act on Veronica's part when any woman knows this feeling: we make ourselves smaller, less divisive, more agreeable, all just to not rock the boat.

But Eliot is confused and says he feels like "I'm in an experiment with someone who doesn't really like me," bringing up her meeting with Lauren.

John is like "the vibes are terrible, let's vote, baby!" They both stay.

Rhi and Jeff are next to thrill us all with revelations about love, relationships and marriage. I didn't hear any of it because there was a bird outside.

Who am I to resist spotting a little wattlebird? I'm just a girl!

Next episode, the sick and twisted MAFS producers have brought back the couple-swapping challenge because true love is out and polygamy is in!

Tune into The Secret Lives of MAFS Wives tomorrow!

Feature image: Nine.