Mamamia recaps MAFS: It's time for some girl-on-girl crime.

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We're back for more Married at First Sight, and to be clear, most of these couples should have left last night, but we push on!

Paul is comforting Carina over the events that unfolded at the MAFS commitment ceremony, after he was scolded by the experts for punching a wall during an argument.

Carina wants him to own his actions, but she's ready to move on and move forward. Ugh. Thankfully, we don't see this couple again for the rest of the episode. Huzzah!

Adrian visits Awhina, who makes it clear she'd be happier if he wasn't around. But they are weirdly… fine now? It's almost as if their families didn't nearly throw hands last week! You know what they say: new week, new relationship!

Moving on, it is couples' retreat time! The contestants converge on a sprawling house in Byron Bay. Lauren can't wait to spend time with her dearest friends!

'Although I don't know how she'll find the time to do her husband's laundry too??' Image: Nine.

"Their opinions are making me dumber by the second," she says in a confessional, before making fun of Awhina's hair extensions to Clint.

For the rest of this recap, I'm embracing the mantra: if I've got nothing nice to say, say nothing about Lauren.

Everyone arrives and fights over the best room. Jacqui tells the girls that Ryan won't have sex with her on the days he goes to the gym, as he 'saves his testosterone for working out'.

In their bedroom, Jacqui asks Ryan "Do you actually like me? Do you? Do you??" It's a lot! Reel it in, Jacqui.

At drinks that night, Jamie confides in Beth that she told Hot Dave that she loved him!!! Awww! We love love!

'I climbed that man like a coconut tree.' Image: Nine.

Jamie drops on the group some information Jacqui shared about Ryan's sex schedule. Then Ryan says something VERY funny.

"Private, intimate details are not for a group setting," he actually says with a straight face. "I don't want to talk about our sex life."

Yes, this is the same man who described in graphic detail a sex act Jacqui performed in an attempt to impress a group of men. We see you, Ryan.

He tries to explain his way out of it and it's all nonsense. He's basically saying he doesn't have a high sex drive and THAT'S FINE, but he's trying to hide behind some macho-gym bro justification. Cringe.

'It's almost MORE MANLY to avoid your own wife.' Image: Nine.

He pulls Jacqui away and basically threatens her: if she ever talks about their sex life again, he will dump her. REMINDER: IT'S PERFECTLY FINE WHEN HE DOES IT.

Jacqui rightly calls out the hypocrisy.

He then acts like they've had sex heaps, and she clarifies it's only happened three times. "You're keeping track, don't!" he replies.

Anyone else wildly uncomfortable with the way Ryan issues commands to this woman?? Yikessss.

Back with the group, they ask Lauren about her definition of an 'alpha male'. She said she wants 'the leader of the pack,' and why is she trying to date Teen Wolf? Riddle me that!

As the group go in on Lauren's archaic views, Perfect Clint comes to her defence. Lauren does not defend Perfect Clint.

I actually don't remember a time when Lauren wasn't wearing that cream tracksuit, it haunts me. Image: Nine.

Jamie tells Lauren that what she describes is a toxic male. Lauren dismisses her advice in a confessional as "a pimple with endless puss."

Umm, again: if I have nothing nice to say, I'll say nothing about Lauren.

The next day, Lauren has decided she will quit the experiment because, umm… she hates everyone on the show. (She doesn't actually leave, she stays another night, liesssss.)

She tells Rhi that the environment feels like 'high school'. You're right Lauren, and you're the school bully!!

The group is baffled by Lauren and feel bad for Perfect Clint. Oddly, Jamie and Adrian bond over their frustrations with Lauren. I hate this duo!! This does not make sense with my fantasy!

The collab no one asked for! Image: Nine.

On girls' and boys' night, Jacqui announces she and Ryan had sex in the morning. The women celebrate, well… except Lauren who hates every moment of it.

Lauren claims that it was Clint who wanted to leave which is, umm… simply untrue. Beth tells her that she's 'wasting Clint's time', as Awhina aadds, she's making excuses when she just isn't interested in Clint.

THEY AIN'T WRONG.

Jamie tells her how lucky she is to be matched with Clint. In a confessional, Lauren says 'the bogans keep boganing'.

As Jamie and Beth go in on Lauren, she announces the convo is 'so boring' and leaves.

'Women should speak less and clean more!!' Image: Nine.

Back with the boys, Teejay calls out Ryan for the hypocrisy of him refusing to talk about his sex life, given his past behaviour. It also comes out that Ryan called Jacqui 'classless' and thankfully, all the boys hold him accountable for his unkind words.

Meanwhile, the men try to hype up Perfect Clint.

Tomorrow night, I didn't spot Lauren or Clint in the teaser, so I assume they're long gone! Bye bye!

Feature image: Nine.