Mamamia recaps MAFS: A nice guy, a neck tattoo and a bride who deserves better.

Keen for all the latest Married At First Sight gossip? Keep an eye on our MAFS hub here.

What's the time? Well, it's Married at First Sight o'clock, of course, you silly goose!

After a truly horrifying thrilling premiere, we are ready to get hurt again. More MAFS, more problems, right?? (I'm already so tired).

For this second episode, we rejoin our couples as Carina and Frenchie are off honeymooning in Vanuatu. Must be nice! They've truly moved on from the whole ghosted-at-first-sight thing, and they're thriving. Carina clarifies they didn't have THE SEX, but concedes plenty of THE SMOOCHES were had on their wedding night.

Things aren't quite as copacetic for Incel-liot and Lauren.

In fact, Incel-liot is refusing to get out of bed like some teen boy who has been grounded for smoking. Lauren is left down in the kitchen, yelling out if he wants a coffee, but he ignores her.

Surprise, surprise: he's decided she isn't the one. "Things on my non-negotiables aren't lining up," he pouts to producers.

Apparently, he wanted someone under 30 who wasn't a "career person" which umm, doesn't everyone have to be a 'career person' in order to feed, home and clothes oneself??

'I'm not getting out of bed until you've sent your resignation.' Image: Nine.

Moving on to a new lot of brides and grooms! Meet Katie: she's an empath (but not the bad kind) who has been single for a decade.

Katie admits she has confidence issues, telling the expert she's 'not a Victoria's Secret model', and reflecting on one time when she was in a bikini and her ex asked her 'Can you lose some weight?' What a horrible person!

Given her past relationship experience, Katie is seeking a kind person. That's literally her one criteria.

She breaks down while wedding dress shopping, imploding in the changing room over her choice to be on MAFS. "It's not supposed to be this way, but no one will fall in love with me," she sobs. "Now I have to trap a stranger."

I CAN'T COPE. KATIE, WE LOVE YOU.

Katie must be protected at ALL COSTS. Image: Nine.

Katie is matched with Tim, a PE teacher who 'doesn't have a type' and tells us that 'nice guys finish last!' You see, Tim is a nice guy, he's nice, he's a guy who is nice!!

I think the groom doth protest too much but more to come on that.

Katie and Nice Tim get married at first sight. She is stoked about it, calling him 'hot' in a confessional.

Katie's vows are witty, warm, honest, as she joked she had no plans to create an OnlyFans account. Nice Tim's vows… definitely happened.

After the ceremony, we quickly find out that Nice Tim is not quite the 'nice guy' he portrayed. Even though he tells the cameras how 'lovely' Katie is, a different side to him is revealed as he storms off with a producer.

"What the f**k?" he seethes, telling some poor producer how he wanted a 'short petite blonde.' Why does every man on this show describe women like they're a bite-sized caramel éclair??

The photo shoot is PAINFUL stuff.

Such a nice guy! Image: Nine.

At this point, Nice Tim won't touch or even talk to his bride. When she dares to hug him for the literal wedding photos, he physically recoils.

Nice Tim tells Katie that he wouldn't run because of what a person looks like… shortly after he ran because of what a person looks like.

At the reception, he doesn't talk to her and whispers to his best man about how unhappy he is. She senses a 'weird energy' between them because she has ears and eyes.

When they cut the cake, he won't even kiss her on the cheek.

At the end of their wedding, Katie pulls him aside. He is left aghast when she says she's 'on the fence' about this man who won't look at or talk to her.  

He gaslights her into thinking it's all in her head.

Gaslighting 101: make your victim think it's all in their head. Image: Nine.

HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY.

They slept separately after he told her there was no spark between them. Katie rightly says the whole 'spark' thing is a copout when he's really just not attracted to her.

Things are left off with Katie crying nonstop as the couple is invited to spend their honeymoon in Tasmania. This is the last thing Katie needs!

Thankfully for viewers, there was another couple this episode who are worth rooting for: Jamie has found her match in a tall glass of (preferably, coconut) water named Dave.

He's actually.... lovely???

I say this on behalf of Australia: woof, woof!! Image: Nine.

The 'Greek AF' bride is looking for David Beckham cosplaying as a convict who will excite her as much as the sight of coconut water. Dave is looking for a 'big personality' to help him come out of his shell.

My God, I think the experts did their job? What a concept.

As Jamie spots Dave at the altar, she shouts "Is that a neck tatt?? Omg yes!!" before she tells her dad to go get lost.

Dave is just as pleased, telling the cameras she's stunning, quirky, energetic, and he's "very stoked." In their vows, he takes the chance to tell Jamie and all their guests that, like his big arms and legs, "There's something big you can't see… I have a big heart."

The way I had no clue where that was going.

Posh and Beckz but make it horny. Image: Nine.

But they're in love!!

"He is way better than anyone else I've dated," Jamie declares after meeting him for approx 55 seconds. RIP her exes. At the photoshoot, she pesters him with Vogue's 73 questions and he answers happily.

Their reception is smooth sailing with the only moment of tension coming from Jamie's confessing she isn't *dun dun* a dog person, but as long as he showers daily and doesn't drive a hatchback, I think they can get through this!

During speeches, Dave gets choked up talking about his dad, who is currently going through chemo treatment which explains his absence. Jamie offers her support as he struggles to contain his emotions.

What is happening? A healthy, supportive relationship forming on MAFS? Colour me, shocked. But based on the teaser, never fear… it's about to get a lot worse before it gets better!

READ NEXT: Meet all the contestants from Married At First Sight 2025.

Feature image: Nine.