Mamamia recaps MAFS: The worst people you know just got married.

Keen for all the latest Married At First Sight gossip? Keep an eye on our MAFS hub here.

Hey! Hi! Hello! Fancy seeing you here! But here we are! We are back for another season of Married at First Sight, baby!

And you know what that means? We have precisely 84 years of episodes ahead of us, weeks upon weeks of petty drama, ethically dubious challenges, and men who will make us question the survival of our species.

Fun, fun, fun!

Let's dive right in. Okay, the episode begins with a whole lot of the show gassing itself up. It's the biggest show! Look at all these TikToks about it! Blah blah blah.

We get it guys, you're kind of a big deal. Let's keep it moving!

This man exists. His name is Eliot. He really fancies himself.

Eliot is a catch! Just ask him! Image: Nine.

Ahead of the bucks, it's clear Eliot has high standards for the women he dates. How do we know? He says it 57 times.

There is a load of foreshadowing this episode with Eliot saying several times "If I feel nothing on my wedding day, I won't finish the ceremony." Do we have a runaway groom? Stay tuned!

At the bucks' party, he doesn't endear himself to the other men. Instead, he rants about how he needs his bride to be 'his type' and admits he will ditch her if she's not.

"I'll see the cards and then make my bet," he says. Yuck.

He tells Tim that his 'overcaring' in a relationship is an ick. "Maybe peel it back a little… tell her she looks awful, trust me." What a charmer! I have a new name for him. Let's call him Incel-liot.

The fellas love him!

'Can we vote this gronk off the island?' Image: Nine.

The show's resident tradwife, Lauren, has an archaic view of gender roles in a marriage, believing women should, quite literally, serve their husbands.

"When he comes home from a busy day running a business… don't be nagging your husband, don't ask him to do mundane things like to take the bins out," she actually says… aloud.

Lauren is obsessed with how she should have been born in the 1920s which has to be the more bizarre eras to romanticise, especially if you're a woman.

Who needs rights when you've got a husband to cook and clean for, right ladies??

Happy wife, happy life!! Image: Getty/Nine.

At the hens, Lauren's least favourite person is Jamie. Their feud begins how most do: with one woman complimenting the other. How very dare!

"You're 37, you must be joking. You must be having a lot of sex or something. You've got this youth to you," Jamie tells Lauren. This is too much for Lauren to take!

"In the real world, we wouldn't be friends," she says in a confessional. She describes Jamie as "a bit boganic". When pressed to explain this stunning term by producers, she decided "I think I've said enough."

'And I reckon she thinks women can be prime minister, even on their period?!!' Image: Nine.

Drama aside, Jamie is an icon who hopes to find a man who is "half David Beckham, half doing 20 to life." Errr, alrighty then!

Other standouts are Tony, who thankfully doesn't wave any red flags (yet), but he does wave a Macedonian flag loud and proud.

The 'sob story' of the bunch is set to be Katie, who shared her insecurities after being single for a decade, and will settle for anyone who has a heartbeat.

We've all been there, Katie.

On to the weddings! There are set to be 10 of them (until the intruders arrive) and we're kicking off with two couples who will be married at first sight, or in the case of this premiere, married at second or maybe third sight.

Speaking of…

Carina is ready for her Big Fat Greek Italian Wedding. Carina's siblings are all married and they live on the same street like some sexy Italian commune.

Mamma mia! Image: Nine.

She's keen for a romantic European and guess who she's matched with? A French man named Paul. He moved to Australia 10 years ago and seems to have rocky history with women, having been cheated on in the past.

I did notice his accent seems to fluctuate between seductive French and broad Australian depending on the context. Just an observation!

Moving on! Carina and Frenchie meet at the altar and sparks fly! He is impressed with his bride, telling her 'God, you're gorgeous' before delivering his vows in French. Carina is swooning, as is her mum and aunt.

Everyone loves Frenchie.

ALL IS WELL! SOUL MATES EXIST! LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

Oh wait, this is all a lie.

These two have a disease… Image: Nine.

It's called lie-abetes. Image: Nine.

Immediately after the ceremony ends, we hear Carina telling a producer 'Are we getting a different guy?' Wait, huh?

It turns out that Frenchie and Carina have dated before and then he ghosted her. It's a tale as old as time: boy meets girl, boy ghosts girl, boy has to marry same girl on national television.

Or maybe, it's a story as old as Tinder.

What I'm confused about is why both of them faked their entire wedding. Like, if I saw a guy that ghosted me at the altar, I'd either burst into tears, vomit or throw hands. It's all a little suss how these two both acted their way through, right??

Anyways, Carina is ready to audition a bunch of new grooms in a nearby alley when Frenchie comes to apologise for said ghosting. And look, I'm not saying he wrote his entire apology on ChatGPT but I'm also not saying there is a hint of humanity in anything he says.

Frenchie meant every word. Image: Nine.

But it works! The couple ends up totally chill about the whole my-groom-ghosted-me situation, their families meet, and by the end of the reception, they're in wedded bliss.

I wonder how long that will last?! Probably as long as their pre-ghosting relationship, like 1 -4 working days???

From one s**tshow to another, Incel-liot's list of dealbreakers includes a woman who is 'low class', opinionated and trashy. He dreams for a '1950s nuclear family' where he gets home from work and his wife runs up to him in an apron.

I haven't felt this rage over a man since another MAFS groom appeared on my screen.

Run sis, run! Image: Nine.

Lauren does have her own business (how dare she) but other than that, she's aligned on all those 1950s values, saying that she wants her man to be her protector and she will take care of the house.

But just as we are about to drop Lauren right in the 'bats**t insane' pile, her sister Tamara says 'Hold my Prosecco.'

Tamara is a lot, hey.

She swans in on Lauren getting ready to vent about her being banned from wearing Chanel earrings, calling her sister a bridezilla and telling her "You need valium, champagne and a taser gun."

By the time they get in the limo, the sisters are no longer speaking. At the ceremony, Tamara doesn't stop. "Who are you??" she shouts at terrified groomsmen, as she loudly tells the other guests that "Lauren is psycho."

This person came to serve looks and they did so with vigour!! Image: Nine.

Despite all his rants, Incel-liot is actually satisfied by this living, breathing woman that meets him at the altar.

"I can see in his eyebrows that you guys nailed it," his best man says. Ah yes, the true sign of affection: eyebrows.

Their vows are… really something.

"Men should be men and women should be women," Incel-liot says.

RELATED: Does Eliot quit MAFS? Here's everything we know.

"I hope for a partner with class, pride and who is innately masculine and driven to provide and protect," Lauren replies.

"Please don't try to help to clean up after dinner or help with the laundry," she adds, as Eliot smugly grins. "Everything in the home is my domain, it's your time to rest after a long day."

I just threw up in my mouth.

Thoughts and prayers to this poor celebrant. Image: Nine.

No words.

Incel-liot curiously ends his vows saying he promises "clear eyes and a full heart." He can't lose!

The stage is set for the reception, like, literally they are on the stage of the State Theatre which is giving some weird Last Supper vibes. But in this case, no one was breaking bread, but Tamara was definitely ready to break something (or someone).

"This is an absolute abortion!" she nonsensically seethes after the servers messed up her dietary requirements. Tamara then threatens to leave after sitting at dinner pouting before threatening the producers, telling them 'I'm in business!!'

As Incel-liot and Lauren dance, Tamara shouts "Get into him! She's so frigid!" I'm starting to understand Lauren more.

By the end of the episode, Tamara has stormed out and a teaser suggests that Lauren's lost her groom too, with Eliot threatening to follow through on his promise and bolt.

That's two brides being ghosted at first sight, if you're keeping count. Bring on more weddings! It defs can't get worse, right?!

READ NEXT: Meet all the contestants from Married At First Sight 2025.

Feature image: Nine.