Excuse us, but we need to report a missing person.
At last night’s Married at First Sight dinner party someone was noticeably… absent.
Jules and Cameron were there representing all things good and pure in this world.
29-year-old ex-virgin Matt was there… blinking.
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Melissa was there, doin’ a Melissa.
Sam was present, highly contagious and covered in scabs.
Even Ines was there getting all thirsty over a highly contagious and covered in scabs Sam, who’s apparently a “cupcake”. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But Elizabeth was nowhere to be seen.
Sam said he hadn’t seen her and had no idea where she was.
No one seemed particularly concerned about this, they just ate their free dinner and screeched at each other about minuscule problems.
Anywho, we thought someone should look into the case of missing fake TV bride., because John Aiken doesn’t seem to care and that’s weird.
Here are our theories:
- Elizabeth was there, but she was hiding behind a pot plant watching Ines touch her fake husband’s scabs.
- She couldn’t attend the dinner party because she had to attend her ex-boyfriend’s aunty’s next door neighbour’s dog’s funeral.
- She was very busy investigating the “alleged” funeral, her fake husband attended while they were supposed to be on their honeymoon.
- She was researching what a “cupcake” means and wondering why everyone was talking about snacks all of a sudden.
- She was putting pizza in the toaster again.
- She was there, but she was dressed like a giant cupcake and no one recognised her.
- Elizabeth went to the dinner party, dressed like 29-year-old ex-virgin Matt, and told Lauren she wasn’t attracted to her just to stir some sh*t up.
- Melissa has her locked in her basement.
- She was in the corner being mansplained to by Mike.
- Dr Trisha booked a special counselling session so she could talk to her about “sixual relations” and also “six”.
- She had chicken pox.
- She drew scabs all over Sam’s body while he slept, then waited in hiding for him to tell everyone he had the chicken pox, just for the LOLS.
- She was busy eating Cyrell’s leftover chicken feet curry.
- She was meeting Dean from the last season in a nearby pub.
- Elizabeth was meeting up with Tracey from last season so they could start a support group.
- She was watching reruns of Bachelor in Paradise and just forgot.
- She just couldn’t be… bothered.
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