'We need to talk about the grief of losing a work wife.'

When Kate* first connected with her new manager, Jenny*, it was over the phone.

She'd written a welcome letter before Jenny officially started, so by the time they spoke, there was already a sense of familiarity.

"We hit it off instantly," Kate recalled. "We were at the same life stage — careers, families, juggling kids and deadlines — and the conversation just flowed."

From there, the friendship developed quickly. Their workplace was high-pressure and unpredictable, with crises often erupting outside of standard work hours.

"We'd be on the phone at all hours," Kate said. "Sometimes the kids would be in the background, or our husbands would be clattering around the kitchen. It just became part of the soundtrack."

They were more than just colleagues, says Kate — they were friends experiencing life's big milestones together.

"When one of our kids got sick, the other would step in. We went through pregnancies, leadership changes, new contracts, company acquisitions… we cried together, we laughed until we couldn't breathe, and we delivered under pressure. My kids even knew her by name from all the speakerphone calls," she said.

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For Kate, this wasn't a friendship based on team lunches or after-work drinks.

Instead, there was an intimacy that came from sharing the details of their lives in real time.

"We'd talk about school drop-offs, weekend plans, and family dramas, and then flip straight back into project deadlines like it was nothing," Kate said.

When Jenny went on maternity leave, they stayed in touch, although Kate says she did give her friend the space to enjoy her new little family.

"We'd send the odd text or LinkedIn message, but I gave her space for family time. And when she came back, it was like no time had passed," she said. "Day one, and it felt like the world had righted itself."

So, when Jenny resigned, Kate was blindsided. She assumed they'd stay in touch, and at first, they did via the occasional LinkedIn message or text. But Kate could feel the distance.

The final straw came when Jenny recommended someone else in Kate's speciality on LinkedIn. It was then that she knew the friendship was over.

"From where we'd been, to that moment, it was a total pivot," she said.

After that, the communication dried up. A planned catch-up never happened, and eventually, a text message bounced back as "not delivered."

"That seemed like a moment," Kate said. "I realised she had just moved completely on."

Work besties just "get it".

According to relationship counsellor Susan de Campo, it's no surprise that losing a work bestie can feel as painful, or even more painful, than the end of other friendships.

"When you think about how many hours you spend at work, compared to how many hours you spend at home not doing life admin or running around after kids, you probably spend more time with your colleagues than with the people you live with," Susan explained.

There's also a unique connection that comes from a shared environment.

"Some aspects of our jobs just can't be explained to outsiders. Work friends have been through the same meetings, the same frustrations, the same small wins that someone outside that space might not understand. They just get it," she said.

Those shared experiences, Susan says, are what cements these friendships so quickly.

"You can communicate volumes with a single look or a half-sentence. There's a huge amount of understanding that doesn't need to be articulated," she said.

But when one person leaves, the dynamic changes instantly.

"Keeping that friendship alive outside the original context takes effort," Susan explained. "It requires you to prioritise it, give up time you could be spending elsewhere, and sometimes it just doesn't happen."

And if there's no explicit conversation about staying in touch, the silence can creep in until one day, it's just gone.

"Unexpected ghosting is horrible," Susan said. "But the alternative — an awkward, honest conversation — is hardly easy either.

"I like a clean break."

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While some work friendships fizzle out, for others, the ghosting isn't an accident, it's a deliberate choice.

"I like a clean break," said Mandy*, who says she's ghosted almost every workplace friend she's ever had.

"When I leave a job, I want to close that chapter completely. No revisiting, no nostalgia. Just gone."

Sometimes it's about protecting her own headspace — especially if she's left a job on bad terms. Other times, it's because the friendship was so tied to the workplace that it feels irrelevant once she's gone.

"I don't owe anyone my time or friendship," she said. "If I don't want to keep in touch, I won't. And if someone keeps pushing when I've moved on, it makes me want to cut the cord even faster.

"I'm not bitter."

It's been four years since Kate last spoke to her work bestie. She still thinks about her sometimes, especially the LinkedIn recommendation, but has tried to let go of any resentment.

"I'm not bitter about it," she said. "If she reached out, I'd just pick up where we left off. I'm kind to my core, that's just who I am."

These days, she's more realistic about the nature of work friendships.

"Friends, work besties, they come and go for a reason or a season. That's life. And sometimes, someone better comes along who you're more aligned with."

For anyone going through the same thing, her advice is simple: "This too shall pass. You'll either reconnect when the time is right, or you'll find a new work bestie who's just as great. Either way, you'll be okay."

*Names have been changed.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock photo for illustrative purposes only)